~ the boundless shimmering galaxy ~

taking stock again...

2010-12-12T19:43:00.000-08:00

well.. when is it that my post is NOT going to start with these words "it has been a rather long time since i last blogged..." -.-

i guess it's all part and parcel of life.. it's ever-changing... wat if us growing older by the minutes... we are all experiencing different phases in our lives.. from what has been focused on studying and handing up of assignments.. now it's the delicate handling of personal relationships at work and the completion of what seems to be a gigantic task for the stipulated time that we are given..

such is the number of relatively significant "events" that happened since i last blogged.. that i obviously wouldn't be able to remember one by one.. but the derivation of all these "events" ha led me to think..

subtle is the word used to describe relationships.. and i mean relationships of any kind.. while the trust and belief can be established upon the years spent together... all it takes is one slight miscalculation or misunderstanding to blow it all apart.. and when u think u're being sensitive and all to the people around you and their feelings.. you're challenged by the mere thought "do you actually know this person totally?" the harsh reality is that you can never understand someone fully.. everyone has a limit to how much they would want to reveal about their true self.. and these limits are only accessible to the individual..

ahh well.. don't really know where this is going.. then again maybe it's useless thinking about all these kinda stuffs..

christmas is coming once again.. and 2010 will come to a close... ever wondered why christmas is so near the end of the calendar year? i think it's a good refresher for all of us don't you think? (=

how i wish there was a subtle yet evident way one could TRULY/ACCURATELY express/convey the warmness of heart and emotions stirred about cherishing this particular someone or this group of people..

just pondering

2010-07-01T14:15:00.000-07:00

ever gotten the feeling that when ure just pondering over stuff.. while ure travelling home on a LONG journey.. and then u just feel like blogging and penning your thoughts down right at that moment.. and then u think okay im going home to blog.. but finally when u reach home the feeling of wanting to blog has vanished -.- well this post is a brilliant "testimony" of how stuff like this happens..

ever since unit life began.. had to get used to travelling chaojiwudi long distances on the train.. and i must say i have significantly begun to appreciate seats in the train.. so much to a point that when i get a seat.. im rather reluctant to give it up to someone who to a larger extent needs the seat more than i do..
life is like a train ride.. people get on and people get off.. you meet and get to know people and then u lose contact with them.. commuters alight and board at different stations.. we all have different destinations and goals in life..

ever felt a need or a desire to tell each and every single one of your friends how much you want to remember the friendship that u share with them.. although u might have stopped talking to each other for a rather long period of time alr.. but it's just that inability to split yourself and spend a little time with each of them..

of course spending time is nt the only way u can express how impt a frenship is to u.. but to relay the message that you still remember each and everyone of your friends....... challenging isnt it..

a new phase in life....

2010-06-06T20:14:00.000-07:00

many months have passed... and even more countless no. of things have happened.. since i last blogged of course..

the last time i blogged was the start of the month.. and ever since that.. enlistment into NS... BMT.. A level results.. POP... and now posting to my new unit.. very evidently so much has happened..

A level results were not as good as expected.. and needless to mention.. university applications didn't go smooth.. now only left with appeals to speculate.. oh wells..

so long of not blogging.. and i rly kind of lost the feeling of what is it like to blog.. isn't my blogging abit weird in this post? LOL..

life in sungei gedong camp.. is a rather different one as compared to pulau tekong.. and for those of you who know.. yea.. i'll spare the details.. though it may be rather lifeless at times.. it is through finding simple pleasures that i can spend week after week in camp..

half of the weekends are spent with darling.. and that has always been a support and motivation for me.. (= thanks ling.. and the other half.. with family.. friends and church as usual..

oh yes.. and recently i have been getting infected by shopping germs lol.. perhaps it's because i have started embarking on my revamping wardrobe quest.. but it also hurts my pocket la.. haha.. XD like seeing my finances drop and drop.. i also buey song lehh.. but bo bian.. need to spend on myself and darling too (=

oh wells.. for now.. i guess the only thing weighing on my mind now is the university applications.. hope that God will lead me where he has planned for me to go..

blog resurrection!

2010-01-03T22:20:00.000-08:00

hey there! long time nvr see my blog liao ler right? LOL.. that's becos smt happened to my blogskin.. and yeah.. it literally crashed.. couldn't see the tagboard at all.. but now it has been revived!

have been wanting to change the skin ever since before 2010 started.. and unfortunately delayed till today.. but oh wells.. better than not getting it done at all! haha..

well my life has changed singnificantly over the past few months.. ever since A levels are over.. and u realise i have been using "my life has been changing" quite frequently in my past few blog posts.. perhaps it's bcos i only blog once in a very very long while now.. but oh wells.. life after A levels have been rather eventful.. and happening maybe? yeah.. going out alot.. spending time with ling.. friends from pri sch.. sec sch and cj.. honestly much time has been spent on catching up with friends... yup..

and one other major thing that happened in my life towards the end of last year.. was me going for yf camp.. getting to know more people.. hoping to integrate more into the youths in my church.. haha.. came out frm camp with an awesome grp of people whom i can call coffee-beaners! cos our grp name is called coffee bean! (=

Christmas was spent with my family members and ling.. having dinner together once opp. my house and once at my house.. whr a huge amount of food was spread and we only managed to finish less than 3 quarters of it.. LOL.. but yeah.. it was a great time of fellowship.. and time spent with relatives, cousins and elders..

New Year was happening! went to our classmate's house for potluck countdown and stayover.. played mahjong and card games.. shared ghost stories.. and played guess the number through the night! haha.. i honestly didn't hav an intention to slp at all.. but somehow still succumbed to lala land's call at 7plus in the morning due to some reasons.. lol..

well after 2009 has come to an end and 2010 has started.. i guess the transition of it all really makes me wonder what it really means to go into a new year.. new commitments? new beginnings? i guess it really is all scary to think about the future.. but how are u going to progress on if you're not going to envision yourself in the future ya? ahh well..

and i guess the one last thing that i need to say.. im going into NS soon! gotta get myself ready.. hahaha.. XD

my life's changing..

2009-09-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

it has been a REALLY long time since i last blogged.. and it was on friday that i told myself i need to update my blog over this weekend.. or i doubt i wld be able to blog anymore until the end of As.. which wld be quite a tragic thing..

........
honestly.. i just don't know where to begin.. so much has happened.. so much to say.. well lets just talk from the fact that prelims are over.. although they are over.. it doesn't really feel like it's over.. well needless to say that it's due to the fact that it just translates to a vision of A levels drawing even nearer.. or maybe it's just having to face getting back the results and look at them stare back into your face.. and wham.. u get smacked in the face.. the week after prelims.. getting back of a few results here and there.. but nt having gotten back the scripts to actually check the marks.. well.. it can be quite anticipating.. but yet it can be quite dreadful..

thankful for a grp of friends whom i can meet up and engage in meaningful and joyous conversation.. taking my mind away from studies.. and stuffs.. that gathering was indeed a breather for me..

mankind has one very powerful weapon.. and weapon here could have both positive and negative implications to it.. but yeah.. that weapon is a smile.. it could brighten up someone's day.. it brings people to a more personal level.. and more imptly.. it enables people to be more willing to relate to u.. (well thats what i personally feel.. u can't expect someone to talk to u if u are all frowning and sulking right?) thats the harsh reality of this world.. we all move at such an amazing pace.. our lives just revolves around ourselves.. like how many people are going to stop and look around to see if anyone's being left behind.. few and far between.... and so back to smiling.. it cld be a weapon used to your advantage.. but what happens if u use it wrongly? or even worse.. with a wrong intention? a smile to others should only and solely be a true reflection of your own feelings towards others.. it shouldn't be something that is forced.. neither should it be a routine.. or smiling wld have lost its meaning.. but it's true isn't it.. everyone tends to put on a front.. pretend that everything is fine.. and beam so widely at the slightest of things.. but all these fronts are only going to make the world a more deceptive place.. then again.. it's how you would interpret a smile isn't it? i guess everyone smiles.. whether it be a true reflection of our current emotion.. or in a momentary outburst of happiness.. but some smile to hide their weak self.. they just simply refuse to show to others what they truly are.. and all these arise because of fear... fear of being looked down upon.. fear of losing the closest people around you.. fear of having to face disappointment to the very simplest of hopes you place in yourself..
but is this tatamount to deceiving? when will the world be genuinely true? true to itself.. and true to everyone around..

it is only in our weakness that we find a source of strength.. for if we are nt weak.. we wouldn't know what it means to be strong.... but are we going to admit that we are weak and work towards being strong.. or act as though we are strong but in actual fact we are all frail and weak inside..

it's interesting to see how LOVE could bring 2 people together.. but it would be tragic to see a couple so loving fall out with each other..
it's interesting to see how TRUST is built and maintained between friends.. but sad to see how it cld be lost and perhaps never regained again..

it's time to forget our differences.. no point harping on differences as it would only strike a distance between u and everyone around.. work together towards compromise.. although u can NEVER be someone who is well-liked and approved by everyone, always bear in mind the fundamental instincts of humans which is also widely demonstrated in animals.. (we are afterall animals) we need to relate, co-exist, interact..... we need one another.....

lets solve our differences in peaceful conversation.. lets put aside our differences and move on from how far we have come..

revival of revivals!

2009-06-01T07:00:00.001-07:00

hey all!
just thought of reviving my blog..
LOL.. quite funny huh..
after it has been dead for close to 3 months?
oh and i didn't even know there was this monetize thing that came up on blogger..
anyone want to enlighten me on that? haha..
so....
i guess it's just me again.. i mean like.. yeah.. whats there else to say?
life's changing.. and i mean immense changing.. it's just becoming weird i must say..
june holidays are here.. but what else is near? MID-YEARS!
ha! bet u didnt see that rhyme coming.. or perhaps you did..
okay.. alot has been happening to me obviously..
it's like there's no time to pause and think back at what has been happening..
or perhaps i don't put in the effort to make time for tt..
i can't exactly describe so much that has been happening..
amongst family.. friends.. school.. studies.. church..
and just when u think that your life is described in 5 words.. there's like so much more to it..
MUCH MUCH MORE!
wait.. is that a good or bad thing? (as commonly asked by someone)
well it can be a good and a bad thing.. isn't it?
but you should prefer one of the 2?
then again wld preferring mean anything to you?
sometimes you just wish for your life to be as simple as 5 words..
but think again..
how wld you feel like if your life was so uneventful?
and empty?
are we going to just shun away?
*shrug*

if you guys have noticed.. not the usual way i type my posts.. im becoming weird! haha XP
then again.. maybe not?

i feel increasingly weirder..

2009-03-19T22:11:00.000-07:00

with this post, my blog will be brought to life once more.. after being covered with cobwebs, spiderwebs, dust and etc etc..

well.. just celebrated my bdae about a week ago.. and i am glad i spent it with people who meant alot to me.. especially YOU (= wishes from family and friends.. reali appreciate everyone's well wishes.. although it wasn't exactly a good day for me and for everyone.. chem common test paper was on tt very day! so tell me what kinda celebration was that.. perhaps it was a good time of sharing and interaction with classmates after chem paper over lunch at carls jr.. discussing chem qns simultaneously.. hahas.. but then leh.. all in all.. the paper wasn't too good.. oh wells.. "move on" are the two words that will echo in my head..

march holidays are here! but yet it doesn even feel like holidays.. monday and tues was at science camp.. lots of things learnt and experienced from the camp.. and imagine me dragging myself to piano after camp.. lol.. wasn't feeling exactly tired.. more of lyk the worn out kinda feeling and just nt wanting to do anything kinda feeling.. but nonetheless still successfully survived.. wednesday went back to school for guitar practice.. and a rather long wan at that.. lol.. hardly have time for myself nw.. let alone time with friends and etc.. but am still very thankful for the dinner at a jap restaurant last sunday with kevin, wei en, kang ming, daniel and zhi chao.. and the present.. (=

well.. i don't reali know how to go about talking abt smt tat i want to talk abt.. just going to see how it goes.. if anyone noticed.. the title of my post is lyk somewhat weird.. okay.. not because that very word is in the title.. but it's nt smt that u wld usually see.. as my blog title at least.. can't reali pinpoint when it all started.. but i guess most probably at the start of this year and as it began to progress more into 2009.. i just feel this sudden weird feeling engulf me.. as though everything's changing.. and then again.. perhaps feeling is nt the appropriate word to use here.. it's more like a perpetual mindset that is gradually instilling inside me.. it's like somehow what someone said to me while walking into sch.. he said it's feeling weird.. and then it suddenly struck me.. even a few weeks ago.. i met someone else in the toilet and he said it seems lyk i changed.. and dats when it struck me too.. cld one possible reason for all this be because i hav celebrated my bdae quite recently? hormonal changes? lol.. seriously dunno.. it's lyk u never felt this way before.. and it puzzles u..

emo no more? perhaps much less as compared to my past.. i would sae i still emo.. but is it still a routine? i myself do not know..

first year of the post! wait.. that sounds wrong..

2009-01-03T23:34:00.000-08:00

okay.. look at my post title.. and im serious.. those 5 words were actually wat came out at first.. lol! i think got smt wrong wif me ler..

first of all.. Happy New Year to one and all! i do know my post has come in lyk 3 days plus late ler.. so yes yes.. dun go on suanning.. im nt someone who's that hiong abt blogging.. well.. but i used to be.. i rmb one period of time i practically blog everyday la.. dunno wat happened to tt side of me ler.. i guess there's lesser time now to do tt too anyways..

how did u guys spend the new year? well.. i definitely spent it much with my family members.. loved ones.. and im rly honoured to spend it wif u! esp. into the counting seconds of 2009.. (= appreciate u spending it together wif me.. XD

have actually been blog hopping a few.. and it did occur to me.. how come ppl actually write new year resolutions.. of course dey wld b doing that in a bid to become a better person i suppose? to aim higher.. and to constantly improve oneself.. for me.. i guess i'll try to b as realistic as possible.. or are they meant to b realistic in the first place? (no offence to everyone else out dere)

firstly.. i rly want to be able to set my priorities out right.. definitely my spiritual walk with Him.. is something that i reali need to focus on.. dats first and foremost.. to walk in His path.. and to stay close to Him.. refresh.. renew..

secondly.. appreciate all my loved ones around me.. those who make a significant difference in my life.. just by being in my life.. and of course nt forgetting everyone else arnd me.. just be there........

hang on.. are resolutions meant to b lyk that? or are dey meant to b more physical.. i guess they are all the same.. so next.. STUDY HARD! for A levels! rly wan2adopt a whole new mindset towards my studies now..

and finally.. spend less money.. or rather dun spend unnecessarily.. rly wan2concentrate on saving up.. esp. after noticing how poor i am.. haha.. someone wld know why.. of course.. occasions where we shld jus spend.. den spend lor. yup.. but of course nt extravagantly..

ohh ohh.. and finally+1!!! be less emo.. dun rly wish to elaborate more on that..

May the year 2009 be a blessed one for all.. stay happy.. stay cool! and all the best in all your endeavours!! (=

inactive blog? no more!

2008-12-25T01:23:00.000-08:00

lol! certainly hope my post title stands for a long long time..
have reali been unable to update my blog for a very long time..
and to think i was thinking abt posting abt batam trip.. nz trip.. and the so many other things that happened..
whew.. reali dunno if i can even bring myself to do that now..
but first..

Merry Christmas

to ALL!!!

right now.. it's christmas! a time for happiness.. joy.. giving and blessing..
spent alot of time shopping.. outside.. and hence feeling guilty for hardly touching my work..
oh wells..
just met ty today.. and his $2 haircut is cool! hahas.. exchanged presents and walked around city hall area.. shopping.. well i did more of the shopping and so.. paiseh.. had to drag him around.. lol..
anws.. this year.. christmas is rather different frm me.. rly reflecting on the friends around me.. how much they have made a difference in my life.. and hence i'm giving more presents away this year! much thanks for those who hv stood by me.. and u shld know who u are.. ((=

will i rly go post the whole nz trip.. i still contemplating.. feeling reali lazy ya.. and it's nt exactly that short a trip too.. pictures.. on facebook bah..yupp..

do hope i will stay closer to my blog as of now.. feel lyk i rly neglected it too much ler.. *sayang sayang* lol.. okay.. signing off for now..

my reason for staying up till this hour.. is for u..

too long since i last posted..

2008-11-20T00:11:00.000-08:00

it has been reali long since i last posted..
and i keep thinking and thinking of updating.. and i know of the things that i want to update abt.. but now when i plant myself into the blogging mode.. suddenly my mind blanks out to an extent..
okay.. this is one part in which i rmb.. ever since wat was lyk 3weeks ago or smt.. i must say that the world is reali small.. meeting ppl here.. meeting ppl dere.. and best of all.. 1S02 ppl! ((= first it was yang outside century square.. and i was carrying boxes.. for pw OP.. so unsightly la.. and oh ya! thats what i wan2blog abt too.. lol.. okay.. anyways.. den it was xy.. at tampines mall mos burger at basement 1! i was eating dere.. but she was taking away cos dere weren't any more seats.. and we chatted for quite abit... and finally it was the knees..=P but where else but j8.. it's most of the time there that i wld meet her.. and she looked quite different! from all the canoeing trainings and all.. and these 3 meetings.. they were reali quite equally spaced out among each other.. and they all happened just when i was thinking back at going out wif 1S02 ppl.. so it reali was quite amazing..

but reali alot has been happening.. loads and loads of stuff on my mind.. and everyone is so caught up wif their own lives.. schedules and commitments.. that reali makes it difficult for us to arrange a common time to meet.. and shawn cld leave me wif that responsibility of arranging an outing.. lyk thx lor! hardly hear things frm ppl liao ler.. and yeah.. it's reali nt tt easy..

it reali wld b quite lag to talk about this right now.. but i think i still wld.. to me.. OP was a great success to me.. disregarding any thing that might discourage this statement.. okay.. perhaps nt great success.. but yeah.. success.. it ended off nicely.. and im rather proud of my grp.. CJ092! much as tho there were plenty of rough patches that we had to go through together.. the amount of effort we put in.. sleepless nights.. blood.. sweat.. tears.. they are all jus a part of us.. we went through thick and thin as much as we cld together.. and im reali thankful and appreciative of all efforts that were put in together into this entire project.. putting aside everything that happened b4 op.. let's just talk about op.. come to think of it.. each of us contributed to our op significantly in our own ways.. let's jus begin wif donny.. the whole video is lyk his own effort.. wif some help frm joy in the beginning of cos.. and yeah.. he's reali good wif the video aspect.. and joy.. wif her artistic talents.. props.. drawings.. yeah.. weifeng.... has wacky and interesting ideas.. cheers the grp up along wif joy when either of them jus gets high for some unclear reason.. and as for km.. the skit.. he's the director.. and he's very much the dramatic wan of our grp.. doing a great job in his role in the skit.. having to demean his self-esteem.. haha.. all in all.. it reali was cool.. everyone did what dey cld.. it's smt lyk everyone had their area of expertise.. wld just lyk to express my heartfelt thanks to cj092.. thx for being such a wonderful and cooperative grp.. ((=

and so the next big thing was the guitar seminar on the 17th.. it was quite an eye-opening seminar.. learnt quite alot of useful stuff.. but one thing nt to forget is the amt of trouble we took to get there lor.. having to ask directions frm all sorts of ppl.. and nt jus dat.. getting contradicting replies as well.. lyk completely weird lorr.. in the end.. keith to the rescue.. who confirmed wif us the direction and which stop to alight.. lol.. met 2 ppl whom i didn reali expect to meet there.. excluding one whom i alr knew i was going to meet.. lol.. i met matthaeus and marvin.. it was reali a small world! lyk one frm my own church and the other whom i got to know through km's cell.. simply amazing.. after which it was back to sch to put down the footstools which we didn need to use at all.. and in the end we didn need any scores as well! so happy i lightened my load.. went down to city hall to meet a few others and we had dinner together at shokudo! and it was wat they called guitar outing 001.. lol.. had a fun time dere.. talking to each other.. eating.. and jus hanging out together.. u know how it all falls into place.. =)

then the next day.. it was extra practice for guitar and we ordered in mac as a rare treat for ourselves.. lol.. lyk suddenly guitar ppl bcome rich or smt.. but apparently not the case.. and so the fries were all mixed together.. no straws.. and no sauces.. yup.. dat wan.. i neglected it... so yup.. paiseh..

not to forget 1T21 chalet and 6/1 chalet! those 2were reali stuff tt kept me busy for practically the whole week.. lol.. didn't stay over on both nights for 21 chalet.. cos we had guitar practice in the morning and it wld b rather mafan to carry it.. so yup.. second night i stayed though.. got only abt 3 hrs of slp.. yep.. but i cldn't expect more.. first day wasn't reali dere much.. just know that they played soccer.. and went overnight cycling.. the bbq was a bit messy cos we underestimated the amount of food.. and den we overestimated.. lol.. second night by the time we reached dere was rather late.. held back by collecting my new passport and rain.. yeah... weather was horrible.. lol.. played wif sparklers and party poppers at the park.. sat and emo-ed at the breakwater for awhile.. before heading back to the chalet.. intended to watch the sunrise on the last morning.. but when we walked out of the chalet.. it was lyk gonna rain.. wif lightning flashing all over the place.. so we didnt wan2take the risk.. had breakfast at the nearby foodcourt while the rest was still sleeping lol.. but cldn't blame them.. guess dey didn't slp much the prev night..

and so after packing up and all.. me and km moved over to 6/1 chalet.. lol.. 2consecutive chalets.. or rather dey did overlap.. so i stayed on the last night there as well.. but due to the little number of ppl.. i think it wld hav been more fun.. we played burnout/dynasty warrior etc on hx's ps2.. and we mahjongged quite crazily.. altho it definitely wld hav gotten more crazy.. but bcos i definitely needed rest otherwise i sure die during practise the nxt morning.. and true enough i nearly did.. i guess the most memorable thing was the bbq.. we had so much fun cooking.. playing wif food.. lyk lol.. yeah.. we shldn't.. but we honestly had too much.. we had fun experimenting potatoes.. we wrapped dem in aluminium foil and literally put them over and around the burning charcoal.. and haha..only 3 survived wif nice colour.. much thanks to hongyi who booked the chalet and went through efforts to get this organised.. and pinhui huaxin deejee and justin.. who made my night there a pleasant and enjoyable wan.. jus abit wasted didn go on the first day and get to see all e old frens.. reali miss u guys alot! (=

now perhaps the more impt things on my mind now are the ocip and guitar stuffs.. sometimes jus can't help but drift off into emo-ness.. and if any of u know how emo-ing is lyk.. u jus let yourself sink deeper and deeper..

and dere i wld find myself struggling to pull myself up.. and efforts wld b futile cos im lyk entirely overpowered.. but yeah.. it wld jus take time for me to snap out of it..

to end off my post.. jus a few verses frm the bible..

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable and perfect, will of God... " Romans 12:2
"Not that I speak in respect of what I want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state that I am, therewith to be content" Philippians 4:11

just a short post...

2008-11-07T23:12:00.000-08:00

the world..

just imagine me lifting my hands into the sky...
hoping that rain will fall down on me...
and just cover me and drown me or smt..

today was the day.. THE day.. where everyone's fate for next year wld be sealed.. and i must sae.. it reali was entirely emotional for everyone.. being a class and all.. and seeing some of us are down.. it's just like everyone else is affected as well..

and sometimes u just feel completely helples..
like u want to do something.. for the ppl around u.. but there u are.. staring into blank space..
and perhaps u jus even can't b dere.. due to unforseen circumstances..

lyk when will understanding and deception co-exist?
lyk when will the world achieve full understanding of each other..

i reali have lots more to say..
it's just that my mind is so so heavy now..
with thoughts and thoughts just running through my head.. flooding and racing through my mind..

show me the way.. lead me on.. and guide me through..

yay! update again!

2008-10-27T01:21:00.000-07:00

okay.. it's time to put up some pictures.. cos ppl say my posts too wordy.. and so.. must add more pictures.. well..ya.. agreeable.. but u mus understand la.. very lazy to upload....... see! now got problem uploading also.. got some problem.. nvm..trying again though..

sumptuous food at my sister's bday dinner! ignoring the sauce..

what i had to resort to doing to solve the jay cube..

the end result!!

me wearing a op prop.. lol..

okay.. about the jay cube.. it's smt that i found myself to play with when i was at km's house.. lyk obviously very fascinating wat.. then when i started doing.. i realised that it was slightly different as compared to the normal rubix.. cos the pieces had to b in a particular orientation before it's considered properly done.. and so after figuring out how to settle the middle piece.. i felt so happy wif myself..and i started chionging.. den do finish ler super happy la! HAHAS... den took that above picture.. intending to blog about it.. but sadly.. before i cld even blog about it.. i look back at the picture and realised that the middle piece of the face on top.. it's wrongly oriented.. so i didn complete it at all.. yup.. u can go look closely at the face wif the alphabet J.. and u will notice smt's wrong.. the middle piece.. lol.. and so i didn get a chance to play with it anymore cos km made a fair trade wif someone.. and i was lyk disappointed.......

okay.. that picture was just taken on friday.. pw meeting at km's house.. lyk after completing that prop.. we started wearing it on our heads.. and lol.. joy took wanted to take picture of me.. so yeah.. hahas.. totally amusing..

anyways.. then again.. looking back at the pw overnight-ing at my place.. it was reali cool.. wf and km over at my place.. den the 3 of us working on our computers each.. lyk totally cool.. den nvr sleep at all the whole night.. resorted to drinking coffee to keep myself awake.. and den until the next day.. after our presentation was over.. we were lyk relieved that it was over.. but of cos ms teo arranged to meet us again during the break.. so my hopes of having lunch b4 cca leaders meeting were dashed.. that nvm.. was totally struggling to stay awake when she was talking to me.. even had to excuse myself to go to the toilet.. cos can feel my head dipping every half a minute.. dunno if she noticed but she jus completely didn say anything la.. which kinda amazed me.. den came the worst part.. cca leaders meeting.. i obviously had trouble keeping awake.. and when it ended.. so glad it was over..

now the only thing thats weighing down is op lor.. after that it's lyk complete freedom ler.. as if it wld even feel that way..

we still hav a long way to go.. the path we tread together.. just simply being there for each other.. all else is secondary..

why is the world so complicated? why is the world full of deception?

it has reali reali been a very very long time..

2008-10-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

wah seh! it has reali been a very long time since i last blogged..
alot and alot and alot of things have been happening.. lyk DUH! 1 MONTH LEH!
den suddenly wan2blog.. also feeling abit out of place.. wondering where to begin and all..
well.. obviously promos have ended quite some time ago.. and we got back our results today.. and lets just say i dont reali want to talk about it? or perhaps nt here.. yeah.. if u wld lyk to find out more.. u shld know what to do.. haha..

spending quality time wif one another is definitely one of the key ways and necessary ways to establish a close and strong relationship with one another..

well.. i went for a talk last saturday.. actually more of lyk a forum.. organised by the young adults ministry in my church.. and the topic was about love.. and it totally rawked.. questions were discussed on dating.. and etc etc.. and i reali cant help but say that it has widened my horizon by a relatively huge margin.. it has also enabled me to see things from a wider point of view.. it reali made me understand things from a larger perspective.. and to sum it all up.. it reali benefitted me alot.. and how i wish i cld share wif some of u what i have learnt.. it's reali great.. impactful.. and meaningful..

thx for all who asked about my results.. and expressed concern and interest towards knowing how i did.. but today was reali one day that was filled with a lot of emotions.. and yeah.. u can reali see the mood of everyone dipping downwards.. sad to admit.. our class didn't do well.. and yeah.. sometimes there's only one thing that we can do.. and that is to face reality..

i guess it is in this time of our lives where we are still struggling to find a stronghold in our lives.. something that we can hold dear to.. and exploring and discovering ourselves from the limitless array of possibilities.. and sometimes.. i just don't know what is it that im so concerned about.. sometimes i can't reali figure out wat is it that im running after.. placing an emphasis on smt? and all? sometimes i reali wonder.. when wld it be tt i wld gain a full understanding and picture abt wat life is totally about..

now.. perhaps one thing thats weighing most on my mind now is OP.. afterwhich we wld have achieved much much more freedom from the chains that we are bounded down by.. sometimes i myself wonder.. why is it that there's so much weighing on my mind.. or why do i keep thinking and thinking and thinking.. do i hav some mental disorder or smt.. i reali dont know lor..

and one quote i wan2share wif u guys that was mentioned during the forum.. it reali rawks.. it's taken from the book "the purpose-driven life" by rick warren.. it goes..

"the best way of life is love.. the best way to love is with time.. and the best time to love is now"

want to apologise for the short post.. but it's lyk yeah.. suddenly wan2blog reali feel kinda weird.. and the things jus don't flow as easily as when u're tired.. so signing off..

let's just say i don't know wat to title this post?

2008-09-07T02:05:00.000-07:00

and it has been super long since i last posted.. lol..

kinda at a loss of wat to say.. but yeah.. alot has happened.. alot is happening.. and alot is going to happen.. wait.. dat so didn't make sense.. it's even quite pointless i said it..

have been meeting up wif ling quite alot.. and on a frequent basis.. having spent so much time together.. it reali makes me feel alot.. yep.. the studying sessions.. and the movie! reali enjoyed it! had so much laughter from it too.. haha.. yup.. u shld noe... ((=

another record has been broken again! in my life.. meeting up for 6 consecutive days! hahas.. it's reali quite a feat.. *wink!*

looking back at the holidays.. that have reali flew past.. i honestly don't know what i have been doing.. losing my bearings.. needing a compass.. and perhaps a map?

what i know is that the moment sch starts again.. reali gonna hav much much lesser time for the com.. nt to mention blogging.. and so this post will be quite a huge wan.. talking alot.. rambling on and on.. if i can even rmb all the stuff that i want to ramble about.. hope it just flows out naturally..

i actually thought of a new way to actually start posting my posts.. of cos i wld talk abt the usual stuff.. stuff that happens in the past week or so.. after that i wld b giving myself one word.. and i'll just talk and talk and talk everything about it.. and this being the last post that i wld b posting b4 promos.. i reali wonder how long it wld be.. (eh don't blame me la.. reali nid to conc. liao ler lor!!)

so today.. at 12:49AM! the word of the day is "FRIENDSHIP".. no need to go into the definition do we..? if there's a nid for any of u.. go flip the dictionary la.. -.-

okay.. friendship.. wait.. b4 i start.. of cos everything is my own thoughts abt it.. u can choose to disagree.. or rebutt.. im fine wif it.. just no violent tendencies ya.. okay..
so friendship.. a word that talks abt smt that is so special.. so unique in itself.. exquisite? significant and important.. but yet fragile.. selective.. deceptive.. demanding? u might sae.. it's obviously based on how one looks at things.. i wld sae thats rather true too.. but then look back and see.. how much does friendship mean to someone like you? or how much can friendship mean to someone like you?

friendships arise from various situations.. and how it progresses on further is all arnd the same.. like talking to each other.. spending time wif one another.. doing things together.. it's all part and parcel of building up a friendship.. but yet again.. the approaches that one takes towards a particular friendship is all different.. u can even classify friendship into various levels.. but is tt reali necessary? perhaps....

fair-weather frens? otherwise known as hi-bye frens.. accquaintances? oh wait.. dats nt reali frens is it? nvm.. how abt frens who don't talk at all but acknowledge u when they walk past u and see u? and den u hv normal friends.. gd friends.. close friends.. best friends? buddies? (yeah.. PUBs! =) but whats the whole idea in classifying? so tt u know who'll stand a higher priority? who u shld spend more time wif? who will stick wif u through thick and thin? and those who will ignore u when u're in need of help? or those who'll shun u away in some situation or another?

seems almost inevitable that all this is happening.. there is no way u cld regard everyone and anyone on the same level as everyone and anyone else? (wait did tt make sense to u?) okay.. let's pick out a few words tt i used just nw and elaborate..

friendship is exquisite.. special..? bcos u see the same fren of yours treating u differently frm the way he/she might treat other ppl.. and den you're lyk hmm.. but when u get someone treating u so much differently frm the rest.. u get the personal kinda feeling? and u just feel so much into the friendship bcos u know u're greatly appreciated as a fren.. u're very much felt for as a reali good friend..

friendship is also fragile.. bcos one word.. or one thing that u sae or do can dash the hopes of a friendship that cld b built over a period of 5, 10, 20, even 30 years? and ya.. ppl always say that it takes a lifetime to build a friendship/relationship this deep.. this close.. but all it takes is one second or 2 to enable everything and anything to fall apart.. to crumble down.. and you will b so crippled by the impact.. and you'll just feel a sense of emptiness inside of u.. and u wld even b wondering if the other party knows exactly what he/she did to u..
friendship is deceptive.. u nvr know when your fren might betray u.. or back-stab u.. or probably to him that is far frm wats happening.. but to you.. u so strongly feel that he/she has let u down..

friendship is deceptive cos u'll nvr know wat your fren is saying or wat your fren is doing is actually the truth.. or the way he behaves.. the way he talks.. everything is jus uncertain.. in dis case.. obviously he wun b one of the high level friends.. but then again.. why do ppl hav to b deceptive? is there reali a nid to put on a mask.. lyk why? is it reali tat necessary in this world? then again.. perhaps..

friendship can also b demanding.. it can consume u to a pt that u feel tired u're actually maintaining a friendship.. tho these kinda situations may b few.. or minority.. but ya.. it does happen.. and dis can very much arise frm situations when one party feels disconnected frm all the link dere is in the friendship.. or over time of nt talking to each other or even spending time wif each other.. high chances are.. the friendship is strained.. and how very often wld anyone at all want this to happen to any of your friendships? but can it reali reali be helped? sighs..
sometimes whats the point of being so in-depth? or whats the point in revealing your heartfelt emotions.. wld anyone.. or wld the other person actually experience the depth.. and know what your heart's thoughts? is the exact same feeling frm your heart.. conveyed to the other person? i believe much is lost.. even though u may say it wif so much emotions.. or actions.. yeah.. u know how actions speak louder than words? but do dey speak better? i seriously doubt...

okay.. side-tracking for awhile.. i forgot to mention that i actually slept over at km's house on thurs night to fri morning.. just to do wr.. and bcos we nided to get it done by friday.. and so we literally chionged.. and bcos km didn sleep much the past night.. he threw in the towel at 4.. and halfway while i still carried on doing it.. the thing suddenly say table corrupt.. and den dere was so much trouble opening the file.. both at my laptop and km's com.. got so worried and engaged the help of pat.. and yay! thanks to him everything was back to normal after awhile.. amazing how he was online till that time.. madness.. (along wif me).. and so.. i decided i reali nided some slp if nt tt veri dae was going to study wif roy and ty.. i wldn't survive la.. i wld jus die halfway.. and so i slept frm 6 and set the alarm at 8.15.. woke up arnd dat time and continued chionging until 10.30.. when breakfast came back.. thx to km's mum! and so we stopped for breakfast.. den soon became lunch as it was rather filling.. and so we resumed work at 11.. and we worked all the way till 1.30.. and we finally sent it in.. sheesh rite..

quite a big side-track that was.. and now let's get back.. pooof! it's 2am ler! u're gonna b mad at me.. oh wells.. reali paiseh.. erms.. lets just wrap up here? hai.. altho i don't reali wan2.. hai.. but yeah.. reali quite drained already..

just thinking alot about promos.. and how much i know my stuff.. and things that i always think about.. den again.. how do i describe those.. lol..

kkaes.. it's reali time to sign off.. and yup.. go sleep.. my last post b4 promos ya.. i certainly hope so.. lol im talking to myself.. okay.. take lots of care ppl! and jiayou jiayou! all the best!! =D

flooding thoughts.. gushing emotions.. losing grip..

2008-08-17T23:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Isabelle!! =D

15/8

wishing u a very very happy birthday!! may u experience much joy and happiness as you turn 1 year older.. and that u'll experience God's richest blessings from above... stay happy always! (:

there's definitely no better way to start a blog post on a high.. and prevent yourself from sinking under as much as possible..
indeed it has been quite some time again since i last blogged.. although it wasn't as bad as the previous wan where i took 1 month to blog a post..
school life again? no.. don't want to talk about it.. the very fact that im actually doing this now shows such a clear reflection that i am neglecting it..
not to mention that promos are drawing nearer and nearer as each day passes..

went to watch a concert on saturday night.. meeting up with a few primary school frens lyk zh, dickson and simon.. it's reali great to see your primary sch frens again.. esp. after such a long period of time.. and so the concert was a dance eprformance by dance ensemble of Singapore.. it was rather great.. wld hav been better if u knew how to appreciate dance of course..

jus a short reflection frm tt night.. even if it were the slightest thing.. don't regret.. i never liked the feeling of regret.. and i don't want to regret doing smt.. or nt doing smt..

anyway.. went back to km's house to do econs proj after that.. having brought all my "camping overnight stuff.." and so after chionging econs through the night.. we cld hav slept arnd 4.. but we slept at 6 and woke up at approx 8.. getting ready to go to church.. after church.. it's back to km's house again.. this time for pw meeting..

reducing all the elaboration.. here i am with only 2hours of sleep still blogging away.. i dont even know how i managed to do this.. i mus hv gone mad or smt.. altho yeah.. im beginning to feel reali queasy now.. sighs..

well.. notice my blog post title and u'll obviously think that it's going to be an emo post.. without fail.. yes.. it's lyk there are so many things racing through my mind.. so much uncertainty.. doubt.. it just feels as though i don't know whats going on in my life.. i cant even control my own life..

going to hav much lesser time to blog now.. going for night study sessions.. going to start refocusing and everything.. if thats even possible..

43rd National Day!!

2008-08-09T00:21:00.000-07:00

finally blogging again! lyk whoa.. 3 weeks since i last posted or smt.. that must be madness!
but seriously.. the past 3 weeks were reali quite hectic.. lets jus sae a little bit to summarise each week of the past 3 weeks..
1st week.. four nights of sleeping at 2am in a row.. break record!
2nd week.. two nights of sleeping at 4am in a row.. break record AGAIN!
3rd week.. CAs and CAs.. and just literally dragging of myself to sch.. and yeah.. having to survive each day in sch.. lyk sheeesh.. going to school has lost its meaning.. and that SO shouldn't be the case..

of cos in between there were days that reali meant alot to me.. lyk last saturday.. and this friday.. yep.. meaningful.. nt that i wld lyk to elaborate.. but yeah.. those 2 days reali meant alot to me..

today.. woke up at arnd 8.30.. and had breakfast.. went down to bishan for piano lesson.. only to find out that today no piano lesson.. yes yes.. it's national day.. and it's meant to b a public holiday.. but me and my sis were told to go down for make-up lessons.. and when we went all the way down dere.. dey were lyk having meeting.. so we were told to go home lorr.. what a waste of time.. cld have slept longer too...

caught up on alot of rest today.. slept lyk too much ler la.. lyk frm 3.30 or smt all the way till close to 7.. excessive sleep seh.. but it was reali shuang.. but at the same time it's lyk shuang until nt shuang already.. missed the first hour or so of the NDP parade.. den woke up feeling quite blur blur abt wat was going on..

this year's wan was reali quite nice.. especially wif it being on the floating platform and all.. i think the nicest was the fighter planes lor.. as in wahh.. the part they flew here and dere and everywhere.. was jus so cool.. the patterns.. the stunts.. awesome.. yep.. fireworks were of cos nice.. but then u see.. cos every year.. how nice the fireworks are also will have a limit de lor.. ya.. but this year's highlight is definitely those what they call the Black Knights.. coolio!

and so it's lyk i spent the whole of today at home.. sleeping.. doing some work.. and yeah.. most imptly.. spending some time wif the family.. haven't spent much time wif the family also.. ever since wat happened since 2 mondays ago.. i mus say tt my family and esp my mum has been affected quite abit.. and i haven't doing much for my family too.. sighs..

well.. i guess i reali hav to think alot about wats going on in my life.. in terms of the social.. the mental.. physical.. and spiritual.. how often did i actually pause to think about these things that were going on in my mind.. in my life..

i reali want to stop emoing so much.. i reali want to stop thinking so much.. i reali want to set my life out aright.. and yeah.. jus sort myself out..

sometimes i reali wonder whats wrong with me.......

i'm finally blogging again!!

2008-07-07T01:16:00.000-07:00

it has been an amazingly long time since i last posted.. and im so glad i kinda got back my blogging state again..

intention is to blog a rather long long wan.. cos yeah.. haven been blogging.. and also have loads of things to sae.. but it jus seems too much.. too wide.. don't know where to begin..

lets just start at life after exams.. cos dats one major part... altho who likes to talk abt sch.. well.. and so exams have ended.. and it doesn't really feel as though they ended.. dere's no sense of joy or delight.... most probably becos not much effort was put into preparing for them.. and that is very evident from some of the results that we hv gotten back so far.. phy.. not even hitting the sub-pass grade.. and even though haven get back econs and gp.. i alr don't feel good the moment i think about those two papers.. and chem.. average? nt THAT well.. and maths.. tsk tsk tsk.. i mus hav been such a disappointment..

and now.. wif what has been happening recently.. guitar camp.. although it was a relatively short camp.. 2days 1night.. i reali felt that it was rather meaningful.. although nth much happened and altho many ppl might disagree wif me.. but i guess it's of cos bcos we look at the camp from different perspectives.. yeah.. so anyway.. don't reali want to go into too much details of the camp.. but perhaps i'll talk abt the bonding session.. there was a vast difference between 2 of the games we played and 1 of the games played.. it's lyk the enthu-ness of both games combined can't be comparable to that 1 game lar.. and tt one game is guess the song.. but we re-named it to "what's the title anyway.." hahaha.. and so guitar camp ended earlier than predicted.. and that sorta made everyone happy.. well.. almost everyone i reckon.. cos i know someone pon his tuition for the camp.. and yeah..

so after break camp.. took bus back wif hee hee and cheryl.. and all of us lyk hardly talked lor.. cos we were lyk so stone ler.. except cheryl who was complaining that her phone got some problem.. so i reached home.. unpacked and had my bath.. amazingly didnt feel as tired as i thot i wld be.. so stayed awake until had to leave for my cousin's bdae party at my uncle's condo's function rm.. and u all know how outside condo function rooms will be the swimming pool ler.. and everytime without fail.. whenever we go to my uncle's condo.. i'll be emo-ing by the pool-side.. lying on those kinda deck-chairs? (is tt wat u call it?) playing emo songs.. singing to myself.. atmosphere and ambience.. totally rawk.. well..dat was saturday night.. den came home arnd 10 plus.. by 10.30.. flat on my bed..drifted off to slp...............

and so this morning.. woke up at 8.. i even set alarm lor.. cos i decided to study for the sign test that i thought i was going to take later.. den started smsing my fren.. and den he enlightened me tt the test was actually nxt week and nt todae.. and i was lyk sheesh! cld hav slept longer.. but stayed awake anyways.. and prepared to go church.. and apparently i wasnt very well prepared.. cos when we were all in the car and 2 junctions away frm home.. it was only then i realised i didn't bring my hp out of the house.. and i was lyk wah piang!! lyk in my whole life..that only happened to me once or twice la.. so had to make do without my fone altho my dad offered to turn back..but yeah..dun wan2 b late for service..

after church had lunch wif bennett and longkuan.. and obviously longkuan was trying to claim his bdae lunch.. ended up at pastamania.. and he actually wanted to eat 2plates wan lar.. trying to rip us off la.. okay..joking.. but in the end also nvr order his 2nd plate..cos he full liao ler.. and so after lunch went shopping wif bennett.. his request.. and i cld understand why lar.. nobody wld want to shop alone for one and a half hours.. even if we wanted to digest our full stomachs also don't hav to walk for one and a half hours.. and plus at j8 somemore.. and so when he left for home.. it left me and longkuan stoning at subway for awhile.. and chatted abit before we decided to go home.. and the rest of the day was almost lyk usual sunday routines..

and now for things that hav reali been going through my mind alot and alot.. i must say that i havent thought much abt my past for a very long time now.. it's somehow as though dere's a total change.. but i guess it's unavoidable and inevitable that i wld go back to think about it occasionally.. it has already bcome a part of me.. and as of now.. i guess i reali nid to sort myself out.. altho i do feel sorted out at times.. but after a short while again.. i will just feel messed up again..

i dont know.. i feel lyk i reali nid to change my perspective in life.. everything jus seems to b caving in.. tumbling down.. is it reali that difficult to lead a simple life? i reali want to live a simple life.. one that is so simple that i don't hav that many things on my mind.. i don't need to worry.. i'll jus b so at ease.. and jus comfortable? i might even be bouncing wif every step i take.. but thats so obviously not happening.. when can i start thinking less.. less complicatingly.. if dere's even such a word.. even up till this very pt in time.. i'm thinking of wat xuanyi said to me b4.. when we were sec4 i believe.. he said i think too much.. he even repeated it the second time that very moment and added the word really inside.. i do agree wif him.. i think too much.. i dunno.. it's jus me or smt.. lyk why.. seriously.. someone teach me how to think less? anyone?

wahh..1.15 liao ler.. sheeesh.. better get going or smt..
meanwhile.. i hope He will guide me.. as i walk.. walk.. ..............

holidays holidays..

2008-06-13T00:27:00.000-07:00

well.. the past week so far has been a rather eventful wan for me.. wif class bbq and chalet-ing wif 1S02 ppl!

class bbq was held at pasir ris park.. was actually arranged to meet at 12 de.. den i met tian ye at pasir ris inter b4 heading over to downtown.. we arrived dere arnd 12.45pm.. and best part was no one had arrived yet.. only kkm and donny arrived shortly after that.. so we went to play pool.. den slowly one by one came and joined us.. walked over to pasir ris park after playing pool.. and wa seh.. a distance in lar.. but on a whole.. we had lots of fun together.. talking.. playing.. yep.. but one thing.. we did waste quite alot of food... reali alot.. i think the remaining rice and beehoon enough to feed another class lar... maybe those weren't reali favoured.. but oh well..

okay.. that was on sunday.. tues was the start of the chalet.. one thing i must say.. it's reali quite unfair.. we check in so late.. we check out so early.. and all bcos of chalet regulations.. wow.. yar.. guess it's jus becos dey are so "smart".. but im nt reali affected by that.. just a little.. actually thinking back about all that we did.. we did spend alot of time talking to one another.. chatting.. talking talking talking.. which was quite good actually.. cos thats the whole purpose.. to spend time wif one another.. catch up wif one another..

it's lyk we talked to each other through the night.. on the first night.. which was quite a big mistake.. cos i felt it wld hav been better if we slept on the first night but stayed awake on the second.. anw.. all of us slept rather rather little.. so 2nd day.. by early afternoon.. we all were alr lyk walking zombies.. den decided to go escape.. but then the weather was lyk horrible lar.. lyk drizzling that tinee winee bit only.. den all the rides suspended due to bad weather.. den we were lyk somewhat delayed.. but then again..dere weren't reali many rides to take in dere.. rainbow.. pirate ship.. and inverter.. those were the more thrilling ones..

then it was the bbq.. which was what i felt one of the most successful ones i had so far.. combination of good fire.. good food.. and ppl who were willing to cook.. yep.. and we had quite abit of leftovers too.. but we played games lyk "i never" and "i hav".. and the reamining food was cleared quite fast.. and it was indeed one of the few times i felt ever so full b4 lar.. i think im becoming fat.. all matt's idea..

anwys.. second night..all of us jus slept lor.. cos cannot tahan ler marh.. but funny thing.. i was the latest to sleep.. but earliest to wake up.. excluding wanting and emeline who had to leave early.. yar.. den weiyang had to leave for canoeing training.. so only left 5 of us.. den we thot check out 12.30.. den in the end at 11.. we received a call telling us that we shld hv checked out alr.. lyk sheeesh.. so it's lyk we got chased out.. so ya..

went to play abt an hour of pool at E!hub.. after that we dispersed..

well.. my apologies if i reali made this post sound very boring.. depressing.. cos right now i am indeed feeling quite down.. nt reali becos the chalet has ended.. but bcos of things that i read.. frm blogs.. that reali made me think alot.. and i just feel lyk im trapped in my past yet again..

going to b alone till sunday.. parents and sis went overseas.. decided nt to follow.. ya..

some pictures of 1S02.. jus to reminisce all the moments we had together.. and yet another quote.. to end off the post.. it's nt applicable to anyone by the way.. felt it was a nice quote..

the love i have for you is what you've given me

the hope i place in you is what you'd have me be

the joy i find with you is what makes you happy

the peace in knowing you is in you knowing me

third tagg...sheesh

2008-06-08T00:02:00.000-07:00

okay.. before i start wif the 3rd tagg... i forgot to put this up on my post yesterday..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

ZHI CHAO!! 6/6 =)

u were always saying how nice your birth date is.. 6/6.. ya ya ya..

and so now wif the quiz.. dere are some repeat questions.. so yar.. i jus copied and pasted the answers.. and nope.. i didn't tag anybody in all of my 3 tags.. yar.. im the spoiler..

QUIZ
A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.Continue this game by sending it to other people.

#1 If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
I will be emo.. very emo.. and i wouldn't know how long i would take to recover from it.. many why's will pop out in my head.. but i won't ask why.. dun ask me why i won't ask why..

#2 If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
it's the very same question i do ask other ppl.. and i call it somewhat my own survey question..got others la.. but nvm.. i guess i would wish for this world to be filled to the brim with love.. love that will last forever.. ha.. some imba..

#3 What will your dream wedding be like?
i think a very simple one would do.. especially with all the traditions and beliefs.. etc.. definitely one of the ceremonies wld b in church.. dun nid to elaborate.. and spending time alone together at a place we both love? lyk maybe on the sand of the beach? *shrug*

#4 Will you rather have a loving girl/boyfriend and little friends, or no girl/guy to love you yet many friends?
well.. this is a very tough question.. i reali don't know.. both single life and attached life has it's own pros and cons.. and i dun reali know which wan suits me best now.. im still quite unstable i think..

#5 What if one day you realised that the person you love turns out to be different from whom you think he/she is?
i will b quite shocked.. as in if it's reali a drastic difference.. and a rather bad wan.. that i'll b quite affected.. and i wld be quite helpless.. unsure of how i wld feel.. but i wld definitely want to sort things out..talk to her..

#6 Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
i would say both.. bcos in the first place.. loving is a blessing.. so be it being a blessing to someone.. or u will be blessed.. but then again.. it will definitely be easier to feel blessed if u are being loved.. and if u love someone.. whether or not u will feel blessed.. depends on how u view love..

#7 Fries or potato chips? (a question formulated by u??)
er.. neither? ya..

#8 Longest relationship
about 6 months.. refusal to elaborate..

#9 Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
erm.. nt reali.. i guess it's more of lyk getting trapped in my own past.. and running arnd in circles around dem..

#10 What do you want most in life?
to achieve pure happiness and having everyone else around me to be as happy with me..

#11 Do you like being tagged?im lyk tagged thrice.. and i wld say it's nt a reali good experience doing all 3.. esp. when 2 of them hav some same questions..

#12 How do you see yourself in ten years' time?10 years..dats 27..i guess i'll be happily married?.. hopefully having a good job.. wif good income..

#13 Who is currently the most important person to you?hmm.. reli dunno how to ans..

#14 What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
i think she's reali friendly.. a nice fren to have! cheery.. er.. into palm-reading (is that wat u call it?) and a realli study person.. (don't reali wish to use the word mugger so ya)..

#15 Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
married but poor.. materialistic gains are but nothing.. although it seems lyk everything in this world.. whats more priceless is having the company of someone whom u love and loves u..

#16 What's the first thing you do every morning?
stretch? ya..

#17 Would you give all in a relationship?
i wld give my all.. in any relationship.. to even go into a relationship in the first place, it definitely reflects that u ARE serious about that someone.. and if u r getting into a relationship that u know wun last forever..den wats the pt of getting into that relationship?

#18 $10 note or $50 note?
both! duh..

#19 What type of friends do you like?
easy-going.. funny.. committed.. persevering.. determined.. ones u can share wif abt anything and almost everything.. humble.. pleasant..

#20 How many questions have you changed?
question 18.. cos i didn reali want to answer it..

YAY!im done..
phew....

all the tagging.. sheesh//

2008-06-07T02:16:00.000-07:00

Tian Ye's Tagg!!
Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 11.29 PM
Name: Timothy Ong
Sisters: 1
Brothers: 0
Shoe size: 8-9
Height: 165 cm whereabouts
Where do you live: Singapore
Favourite drinks: combination of ice lemon tea, grape & sprite.. (what i call heavenly drink)
Favourite breakfast: Big Breakfast from Mac? *shrug*
Have you ever been on a plane?: Yea.
Swam in the ocean: ECP then yes.
Fallen asleep at school: Yes but hardly during lesson times hor
Broken someone’s heart: u can say so
Fell off your chair: er.. i think so..once or twice..
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: i don't think so
Saved e-mails: of course
What is your room like: relatively neat.. books in shelves.. things stacked in a few piles on the table..
What’s right beside you: files stacked on top of one another.. books.. papers..
What is the last thing you ate: u noe the wang wang biscuit? took some frm my ah ma's house when i went dere for dinner..
Ever had chicken pox: no
Sore throat: duh
Stitches: nope
Broken nose: no
Do you believe in love at first sight: yeah.. altho chances of it lasting are.. 0.01%? my personal opinion..
Like picnics: east coast! yeah..wif ppl whom i can emo wif of course..
Who was/were the last person/people you danced with: u reali wan to know u ask me personally..ha
Last made you smile: my cousin yuki who is abt to reach 1years old!
You last yelled at: don't reali rmb.. juniors i guess..
Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: i like as in? question too ambiguous.. boo...
Kissed anyone: no
Get sick: kind of.. runny nose..
Miss someone: u can say so..
Eat: duh. i m nt anorexic or bulimic lar.

Best feeling in the world: EMO! as in the mild emo.. yar..dats the best feeling in the world.. im not crazy..
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: well..they are somewhat next to my bed on my bedside table.. some of u might hav had the chance to see them.. dolphy & ashley..
What’s under your bed: another mattress on a pull-out bed..Who do you really hate: no one in particularWhat time is it now?: 11.50PM (yes im taking quite some time to do this..cos im multi-tasking)

Random:
Is there a person who is on your mind now: u mean literally now or when u pause to think?
Do you have any siblings: yes.. lyk hello! up dere u ask liao..
Do you want children: ya, in the future
Do you smile often: no
Do you like your hand-writing: quite okay..ppl tell me quite nice.. but my mum.. thinks it's childish..but ya..abit too big i think..
Are your toe nails painted: no.. i tried once on my small toe though.. for fun of course!
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: my parents

HAHA.
What color shirt are you wearing now: white
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: wait..suffering frm stm..oh.. watching movie wif my pri sch classmates..
I can’t wait till: i become truly happy.. if it will ever happen
When did you cry last: i reali can't rmb! months.. i actuali hv been wanting to cry..just somehow am not able to anymore..
Are you a friendly person: u can say so bah
Do you have any pets: Used to. hamsters and goldfish..
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?: i m currently unsure of my feelings..so unable to ans ur dis stoopid question
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?: yeah..of course..
Do you sleep with the TV on?: obviously not! waste electricity ar..
What are you doing right now?: doing this thingy..bcos of tian ye.. listening to music @ the same time..
Have you ever crawled through a window?: ya..but wait..window can climb de meh..no window grill ar..or glass panes..
Can you handle the truth?: with a little time i will learn to accept it..
Are you too forgiving?: dis question somewhat implies that being too forgiving is bad..but i don't think so.. afterall.. if u dun forgive, u'll hav "enemies"..i don't wan2 make any..
Are you closer to your mother or father?: dun reali know
Who was the last person you cried in front of?: sec4 classmates
How many people can you say you’ve really loved?: tough question.. lets just say family.. relatives.. friends..
Do you eat healthy?: HEALTHILY.. somewhat..
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?: Yes.
If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?: depending on availability, time, situation
Are you loud or quiet most of the time?: quiet.........
Are you confident?: depends on what..

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. breathing
2. walking
3. studying
4. playing
5. watching tv

5 things on my to-do list today (it's 12.11AM):
1. piano lesson
2. "waste time" at library
3. sign language class
4. sleep when i get home
5. emo

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. i
2. dun
3. reali
4. eat
5. snacks

yay! im finally done.. sheesh.. i actually removed a few questions.. if u noticed(tian ye).. the last few lar..

okay.. now for isa's game.. it's lyk so not a game!!
A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?
i will be emo.. very emo.. and i wouldn't know how long i would take to recover from it.. many why's will pop out in my head.. but i won't ask why.. dun ask me why i won't ask why..

If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
it's the very same question i do ask other ppl.. and i call it somewhat my own survey question..got others la.. but nvm.. i guess i would wish for this world to be filled to the brim with love.. love that will last forever.. ha.. some imba..

What will your dream wedding be like?
i think a very simple one would do.. especially with all the traditions and beliefs.. etc.. definitely one of the ceremonies wld b in church.. dun nid to elaborate.. and spending time alone together at a place we both love? lyk maybe on the sand of the beach? *shrug*

Are you confused of what lies ahead of you?
yeah.. but i dun think confused is the word.. uncertain perhaps.. becos no one can predict the future.. and the future is uncertain! but of course..ppl will say.. the future is in your hands.. it's up to u to shape it.. but as it is now.. my life is in a mess.. i reali dunno how i'll go about facing my future..

What's your ideal lover like?
wah.. a tough question.. someone who will love me as much as i lover her.. which i hope will to b an infinitely big extent.. will b a loving and caring mother.. i wouldn't look too much at age and looks.. altho it does play a part in dis world.. preferably someone shorter than me or arnd the same height? someone who will understand me no matter wat happens.. someone whom i can lean on.. altho it shld mostly b the other way arnd.. be able to present herself nicely.. some self-confidence and esteem?

do you have a person that you wish you will be with now?
i reali reali dunno how to ans dis question.. it's bcos i reali am unsure of how im feeling right now.. apologies to all and to the question..

which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
i would say both.. bcos in the first place.. loving is a blessing.. so be it being a blessing to someone.. or u will be blessed.. but then again.. it will definitely be easier to feel blessed if u are being loved.. and if u love someone.. whether or not u will feel blessed.. depends on how u view love..

How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
for someone i reali love.. i think i'll wait for as long as it might take.. but of course.. if she has found her happiness.. or she has clearly stated that we wouldn't b possible.. den dere's no point in forcing.. there wld be unhappiness.. and dat contradicts love.. ever heard of "to love is to let go?" of cos applicable in those circumstances only.. but on the other hand.. if she needs time to accept me.. i'll wait..

if the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do?
i will hang on for a period of time.. and observe if anything happens.. if i see that they are happy together.. i'll allow time to lyk lose my feelings.. but if dey are nt happy together i wun break dem up lar!

is there anything that makes you unhappy these days?
erm.. nt reali.. i guess it's more of lyk getting trapped in my own past.. and running arnd in circles around dem..

is being tagged fun?
to know that there will b ppl who tag u.. yeah.. but to do these so many many many questions.. not realli..

how do you see yourself in ten years time?
10 years..dats 27..i guess i'll be happily married?.. hopefully having a good job.. wif good income..

who are currently most important people to you?
God, family members.. friends.. all my frens actually.. but esp. those im closer to.. tt includes my mei..yep..

what kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
a reali good fren to hav.. someone who wld be willing to stand by her frens.. can get abit high-pitched at times? =P caring.. smiley (quite often but will b good if it were more often).. nice.. xD

would you rather to be single and rich or married but poor?
married but poor.. materialistic gains are but nothing.. although it seems lyk everything in this world.. whats more priceless is having the company of someone whom u love and loves u..

what's the first thing you do every morning?
stretch? i think..

would you give your all in a relationship?
i wld give my all.. in any relationship.. to even go into a relationship in the first place, it definitely reflects that u ARE serious about that someone.. and if u r getting into a relationship that u know wun last forever..den wats the pt of getting into that relationship?

if you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?
i think chances of that happening to me are quite small.. but if it does happen.. i guess i will choose the wan i feel a greater sense of closeness with? that im able to relate better to.. and she is able to relate better to me as well.. one that i feel so strong about..

what type of friends do you like?
easy-going.. funny.. committed.. persevering.. determined.. ones u can share wif abt anything and almost everything.. humble.. pleasant..

if given the chance to turn back time, will you?
yeah.. i wld want to correct all the bad things i did.. wrong things i did.. things dat i cld hav done in a much better way.. allowed some things to happen? and disallowed some things to happen? but if can turn back time.. den u lyk alr know whats going to happen b4 it even happens..den dats quite.. unfair?

what is the last thing you would do before you die?
i wld want to at least get to talk to everyone i know.. especially those im closer to.. those whom i love.. and those who love me.. let them know they played a very significant role in my life..thank dem whole-heartedly..& tell them to move on wif life & treasure it to its fullest..

well... 2 down!! i think i shld do the other wan another day.. it's madness.. it's currently 2:15AM! and i must have been mad attempting to do all 3..
sighs.. i think i reali nid to go sleep now.. so yep.. doing the 3rd wan.. perhaps tmr or smt.. sheesh..

thoughts just keep running through my head..

2008-06-03T23:12:00.000-07:00

well.. read my title.. and if it reminds u of the song "raindrops keep falling on my head".. den u are smt lyk in sync wif me? yeah.. but then again..maybe that's highly unlikely.. lol.. im mad..

well.. recent spate of events.. yet again.. makes me think alot alot alot..
running into someone.. whom u somewhat thought u might meet.. at this particular location.. and true enough.. u two met.. and den loads of thoughts.. emotions.. feelings.. the past memories.. just flood back in.. lyk gushing through the blood vessels in your brain or smt.. and next second.. u know u are lyk abit unstable..

thinking about the world.. i guess i have a few thought-provoking questions.. for myself..

in this world.. do you fight for survival or are u kept surviving?
in this world.. do you pursue for your happiness or does happiness find you?
in this world.. do you conform to the changes of the world (change along wif the world) or do u make a difference in the world though small it may be?

i reali am speechless.. i finally realised.. the mistake that i made.. was way too big.. the involvement i got myself into.. way too deep.. and yeah.. im somewhat scarred for life? how long wld the wound take to heal? almost forever it seems..

have been going to bishan library.. every saturday.. to read some pages of some books.. and if u do know me..yeah..psychology books.. took down a few quotes.. thot i might want to share.. but this wan is from pasir ris library.. was dere on mon..

it is not how much we do
but how much love we put into the doing
it is not how much we give
but how much love we put into the giving
-Mother Theresa

altho this might seem lyk a rather ordinary quote.. i still felt it is reali meaningful.. it's love.. ever thought about what actually keeps the world in this manner.. or what keeps the world what it is todae.. it's actually love.. okay..dun take it from me.. but i feel.. it's the very basic emotion.. feeling.. that is applicable to everything and anything... but yeah..sigh.. now i hav another quote.. dis wan frm a book in bishan library.. rather long..but nvm..

to laugh is to risk appearing a fool
to weep is to risk appearing sentimental
to reach out is to risk involvement
to expose feelings is to risk revealing your true self
to place your ideas and dreams before the crowd is to risk their love
to love is to risk not being loved in return
to live is to risk dying
to hope is to risk despair
to try is to risk failure
but the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
one who risks nothing for nothing, has nothing and finally is nothing
he may avoid sufferings and sorrow but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love
he has forfeited freedom
only one who risks is free..
-Unknown

how amazing the power of love is.. u wld just be willing to do anything and everything.. u would just go the distance for the one u love without hesitation..

the power of love...... are u able to define love?

today is a fatty day! actually yesterday..

2008-05-31T01:17:00.000-07:00

wa lao lar! stoopid com.. irritating me lyk siao lar.. lag until lyk one dunno what for one hour.. den now den i can blog.. sheesh.. dat explains my blog post..

well.. today.. or rather yesterday.. was a rather fatty day.. thats becos i nvr ate this much in my entire life i think.. it's lyk madness.. okay.. lets not talk abt breakfast before i left for sch.. dats reali nth compared to afternoon and evening.. after guitar practice today.. went to eat kfc shrooms burger meal.. okay.. but dat was becos i was saving my stomach for even bigger things! intended to meet up wif vspb at eastpoint.. dey were having their farewell dinner.. but turned out to b lyk a in between lunch and dinner.. which i dun realli know why.. so anyway.. they booked this place which was formerly known as jack's place.. and now its named eatzi.. well.. it was a rather pleasant experience.. to meet up wif juniors and frens.. caught up wif each other alot.. and yeah.. new pb exco announced.. altho it wasnt reali much of an announcement to them.. lol.. anyways.. had the grilled fish.. and everybody eat finish liao ler hor.. den bit by bit started walking out.. i was wondering lyk hu settled the bill marhs.. so yeah.. asked arnd no one cld tell me.. so in the end.. i had free lunch! muahhahahhaa! but of cos i feel bad.. and if u guys do need the funds can always come look for me..

after that we made our way to tampines safra where they split up due to different interests.... some went to LAN while some bowled.. me.. i watched the bowlers.. couldn't stay for long anyway.. supposed to rush back to celebrate my cousin's one year old bdae!

baby eason.. so cute lar!

and this is his cake...

lyk super big lar! omgosh.. oh well.. one year old birthdays are always made one of the biggest.. and so lots of food was cooked by my ah ma.. and yeah.. desert.. i actually ate more than my usual amount for dinner lor.. and i dunno how i amazingly did it after having eaten lyk two lunches.. on top of that.. desert plus cake.. siao liao.. gonna b fat..

hai.. dats abt it for today.. yep.. suddenly dun hav reali much to sae ler.. mayb becos im lyk literally dragging myself to finish this post..

anyways.. holidays are here.. but i guess at this stage.. it doesn't reali feel lyk a holiday anymore.. it's just a period of time where u r given that bit more of room for gasping of air.. catch up wif sch work.. cca.. yeah.. and thats wat your holidays are made up of.. and not to forget pw.. it's lyk getting nowhere... sighs..

looking at my one year old cousin.. how i wish i cld be jus lyk him.. so carefree.. and nt having a single worry abt the world.. sighs...

a close to term2..

2008-05-25T00:45:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT! =D

24/05

and i finally managed to start blogging.. i wonder why.. it's alr 12.30am.. when i switched on the com at lyk wat.. 9.30... gosh...

okay..term2 comes to a close.. and a not-going-to-be-able-to-survive term3 is going to start sooner or later.. pw.. mid-years.. pw.. pw.. and more pw.. it's gonna b packed.. as we hav already been told..

well.. just about realised.. i actually don't blog that often.. once a week.. yeah.. but it feels rather often to me.. but oh well.. doesnt realli matter that much..

i guess it's jus gonna b a... lets say.... emo time again.. i mean lyk thats what i literally do.. in my blog posts.. just allow thoughts and emotions to flow.......................

well.. i realli realli am beginning to believe that i seriously care too much.. for my own good.. it's lyk messing myself up.. yar.. i probably don't even need to go to that extent.. but when i do.. i end up thinking and thinking and thinking.. and now looking back at myself.. i just know that i shouldn't b thinking that far.. just wonder wats making me think lyk a gone-mad person..

so how do u get used to not doing something that u were so used to doing.. it's lyk suddenly a usual part of your routine or smt vanquishes.. and den u just get "crippled" by that fact dat u can't do the same thing that u are so used to doing.. and it just creates an empty feeling inside of u.. smt that cannot reali b replaced by other stuff.. indulge in things to do? and don't think about it? it'll take much more than that..

and somehow.. the feeling of emptiness and loneliness just caves in again.. nvr felt this way for quite some time ler.. and dis time again.. it's rather strong.. has nvr been dis strong for quite some time now.. looking back at all the past.. it's lyk definitely.. dey hav all played a part in what u have become todae.. and yar.. it just shapes u..

perhaps this is one of my shortest posts ever? lol.. can't rmb when's the last time i posted smt dis short..

attempting nt to think.... i must be ambitious or smt..

busy week past.. busy weeks ahead..

2008-05-17T23:45:00.000-07:00

sighs.. okay.. bad way to start a post..

well.. i think im gonna begin to post lyk marcus.. short lines.. short paragraphs.. oh wait.. sorry.. Marcus..

but den again.. it doesn't even feel lyk me.. okay..scrap it..

well.. so so much going on.. i dun even know where to begin.. sighs.. ahh.. okay.. perhaps mid year exams.. bad bad bad.. failed both physics and econs.. and most likely gp as well..cos i just passed compo (less 0.01 mark means fail liao.. rounding up not applicable)..and most ppl failed compre.. so yep.. dun even need to think abt it..

econs and gp mid-year just nxt week.. im so gonna die.. hai..

best part is i practically wasted away the whole of today.. and major contribution to the feeling i hav of nt wanting to do anything...

went to watch vj's guitar ensemble ytd.. and yeah.. it was realli cool.. great performance.. audience was ecstatic.. oh well.. one thing bad.. ended quite late.. skipped dinner last night..

ppl ask me.. why i so emo.. ppl ask me.. why emotimo.. i hear the word emo and i just turn to wherever i heard the word.. haha.. it's lyk i think it's somebody calling me.. yar.. madness but true..

sighs.. loads and loads of things have been racing through my mind.. and it never fails to put me down.. ten feet under.. guess whats one of the most dangerous things that can ever happen to u is that u are trapped in your past.. u can't break free from whats weighing u down.. worse.. when u dun even know whats weighing u down.. in my case.. i guess i do know.. but it's nt smt that can be handled wif so easily.. i realli reali wonder whats wrong wif me.. it's lyk im emotionally ill.. psychologically impaired.. if dere's even such a thing..

am i caring too much? i realli wonder to myself... if all that i am experiencing is realli happening to me.. it's hard.. to face reality.. what will happen.. if i actually just take a few steps back.. care less.. would everything change? i realli dunno..

i somehow pretend that nothing's going on.. i jus pretend it doesn't affect me at all.. i wonder why..

cld someone enlighten me as to how our mind works? why do ppl think the way they think..

everyone makes mistakes.. how easy it is for us to make mistakes.. given the countless amount of opportunities that we have in our everyday life.. however.. some mistakes just differ frm the rest.. mistakes that can scar u for life.. mistakes that can cost u a friendship.. a relationship.. i doubt anyone will wan2 make a mistake that wld cost a frenship or a relationship.. it'll jus scar u for life..

i never wanted to lose anyone.. but why is it that it's so much easier to lose someone so close to u.. than to build up a close relationship wif someone.. u can spend 5, 10, 15 years building a relationship.. a relationship that u hv nvr built closer b4.. and only after a month.. or a few of maintaining that relationship.. it breaks.. and can u live with it?

okay.. i think i realli gotta stop here.. it's lyk dere's no end..

and your sleeping times go gaga..

2008-04-25T23:37:00.000-07:00

well.. i think im too tired to post too long a post.. altho i had a realli clear mind to post a long one tonight.. but i just think i wun be able to tahan.. dunno why.. actually slept quite alot last night de lor.. dunno how come so early tired again.. sigh..

anyway.. was blog-hopping ever since dunno when.. and dats what made me start blogging so late.. sigh.. thinking about stuff and stuff and stuff.. it just never seems to end..

today was a rather slack day in school.. ended at 1pm.. but guitar was until almost 6.30.. which is lyk err.. gotten used to it ler i guess.. and the gp test todae.. was lyk totally speechless.. definitely standard's higher.. and u just dunno wat to do but crap as sensibly as u can at the AQ..

to us.. weekends are lyk the only times we get to take our mind of work.. FOR A WHILE.. and den teachers begin to reduce this FOR A WHILE to a VERY LITTLE WHILE.. and soon i believe there wun even be a while.. it just seems as tho dey are throwing assignment after tutorial after homework after task to do and to do and to do.. it's lyk an endless stream of work.. pressure.. stress?

for the past week.. sleeping at weird weird times.. sleeping at past 12 midnight on all of the occasions except one.. and dat is the night where i slept at 11.. and the day before that.. came home after dinner.. .slept from 9 to 3.. and 3 just started chionging and chionging lyk no one's business.. i think it's seriously getting maddening.. even km who falls sick so so seldom actually fell sick..

are we going to be flattened lyk pancakes or are we just gonna suffocate to death? it's jus a matter of time lar.. den dere's project work to think about.. physics CA nxt mon.. EVERY chapter.. right from PAE to Work Energy and Power.. dat amounts to about 7 chapters in total.. all for a CA1..

ever wondered why ppl pon sch? pon usually refers to just getting an mc and dey are not even medically unwell.. and den dey dun come to school.. becos of lack of sleep.. becos of workload.. and stuff lyk that.. and lemme just sae.. students nowadays are beginning to think that not going to sch is nth worth talking abt.. in fact if u dun pon sch.. u guai kia or smt.. cos teachers emphasise so much on having an mc if u are absent.. they just begin to think that all dey need to do is get an mc.. and jus queue up at the polyclinic.. u get one for $4.. but is that right?

why can't couples who break up go back to normal terms wif one another.. okay.. even if that were a generalisation.. i believe most couples can't go back to being friends after breaking up.. and just lyk that.. u lose someone so close.. so dear to u.. so thinking abt it.. in the end.. u would be losing a fren wouldn't u? and if u had the chance to turn back time.. would u still choose to go into a relationship and risk the chances of it not working out and having lost a fren?

u know how mankind can contradict themselves.. saying things that they don't mean.. but they say it out of anger.. dey say it for fun etc.. but are we all aware that every little thing that we do or say.. can affect one's judgement of us? and depending on the severity of it all.. it might just leave a lasting impression on u.. good or bad of cos depends on wat u did or said.. thats why it's very impt that u don't judge a person based on one particular experience.. BUT..the harsh reality is that what everyone wld..

what kinda person u want to be.. is entirely up to u.. but ultimately.. the way u behave.. the way u talk.. the clothes u wear.. and etc etc.. all lead to someone making a judgement of u.. dats how judgemental the world is.. and definitely.. all of the above wld also indirectly show what kinda frens u wish to have.. what kinda ppl u wld want to hang and mix arnd wif.. altho dere are genuine exceptions..

ever thought of how deceptive the world is now? it takes advantage of any truthful individual and stabs them in the back.. is being too trusting a crime? and den ppl will start saying that u are naive and stuff lyk that.. sigh

okay.. it's realli getting late now.. and i realli gonna k.o liao ler.. hai.. altho i wld want to post much much more......

sleepless nights...

2008-04-19T22:58:00.000-07:00

sigh.. oh lol.. wat a way to begin a post.. simply by sighing..

the entire week is lyk crap.. sleeping past midnight every night.. i think except for 1 night.. having to douse yourself wif a dosage of caffeine.. having to drag yourself to school.. it's just becoming more and more meaningless.. especially when u go through lectures and tutorials when your mind is half conscious.. while the other half is lyk drifting away.. literally.. stress has been piling up.. and never-ending work is being "thrown" at u.. u can't afford to slip up.. or u'll just lag behind..

can't believe im actually feeling the stress already.. it's only april.. at J1.. i realli wonder whats gonna happen to me.. sigh..

anyway.. sidetrack abit.. so sad lar! came home today and found that the first nylon string of my guitar snapped.. lyk i didnt even know when it happened.. hai..

although last night was one of the longest nights i had ever slept.. especially if u were to compare wif the nights of the past week.. i wouldnt exactly say that it was a good sleep.. thats becos i dreamt.. i wld sae it's smt nt that i dun want to dream abt.. but rather smt that i wld rather not dream abt.. cos it'll lead me to think about alot and alot of stuff.. and it has been some time.. till last night i was reminded of it again..

what if u had lost someone very close to u.. i guess it wld almost exactly be the same as u lost ur hp.. u're whole self will nt feel at ease.. u'll feel weird.. u'll feel that something's missing! and actually a big part of u is missing..

u may think.. does the other person know how i feel? and for all u noe.. the other person is also thinking the same way.. "do u know how he/she feels?"

i guess it's true.. when there's no proper closure.. when there's jus a sudden and abrupt ending to the friendship/relationship.. it'll just lead u into depression.. becos even if things were to end.. you yourself know.. that u wouldn't want it to end that way.. but the harsh truth is that things hav to end in a way that neither parties can b happy wif.. precisely becos the 2 parties hav differences in the way they want to regard each other frm now on..

ever thought why it's hard for a couple to regard each other as friends after breaking up? not to even mention talk to each other?

how about friends.. the moment u lose them.. it's gone.. nvr to be in sight again.. never will be the same again..

WHY..

are relationships and friendships that fragile?

whats the point in putting in so much effort into maintaining a relationship.. or a friendship wif someone.. when u might just lose it some day.. when ppl might just treat u differently after a period of time..

Whats the POINT?

dunno wat has gotten into me.. perhaps it's just the great empty feeling that's towering over me once again..

what a week it has been..

2008-04-12T23:21:00.000-07:00

well.. i will hav difficulties describing how the past week has been..

friday after guitar.. went to meet 1S02! or rather only a few of 1S02.. but it was still great.. altho serangoon gardens and chomp^2 again.. it was still nice as ever.. ambience..mood.. yep.. and it was specially dedicated to remember denise's bdae! bought a small cake for her too.. and presents were given.. yep.. so..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DENISE!!

(: 08/04

really hope u like the presents.. and the card made by Marcus emeline and xy.. all in all.. just realli hope u enjoyed the small small celebration.. although it wasn't much.. yep.. and although it was 3 days late..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

BENNETT!! =D 11/04

so so sorry that i didn't wish u on the actual day.. but i hope i make it up by going to ur choir's concert.. hahas.. oh well..

for 2 nights the past week.. came home having a terrible headache.. and i realli wonder why.. so i got irritated wif myself.. and i just went to sleep.. and one of these nights were the night before my chem CA.. got so worried lars.. but i still went to sleep at 9.. set my alarm at 4 to wake up study.. den at 4.. alarm rang.. i shut it off.. went back to sleep.. den at 4.45.. i suddenly woke up again and realised i haven studied.. so forced myself out of the bed.. and studied until 6.. realli felt so unprepared.. when i went into LT.. and after the test.. realli was feeling distraught and shaken.. but oh well.. i can only say huo gai to myself.. a few hours later.. ms teo marked finished our chem tests.. and we got back our results.. i failed.. i'm lyk oh okay.. can't say much.. but yar.. accept it.. but.. just read ms teo's email to us.. and she said i passed.. which i honestly dunno how it happened.. but then again.. it's nt a result that anyone is supposed to be happy with..

and as for today.. had piano lesson frm 11-12.. after which got drenched in the rain on my way to j8 to meet longkuan.. had lunch.. and im seriously gonna think carefully abt what i order nxt time.. esp. frm somewhere lyk subway.. hais.. went back to church and prepared for sign lang class.. played piano after class.. and it was totally cool! lyk totally going into an emo world.. den went to hang arnd his house for awhile before making my way home..

well.. also dunno why.. i have been deep in thought quite alot.. abt stuff.. that isn't realli within in my control anymore.. but things abt wat "absence makes the heart fonder" and blah blah.. hai.. i guess it's nt absence that applies.. it's emptiness.. that's waiting to be filled..

read from a psychology book that xingyun borrowed.. and showed me.. and i read up on a part on love.. a renowned psychologist said that there are 3 aspects in love.. INTIMACY.. PASSION and COMMITMENT..

-intimacy is the emotional component that brings closeness and warmth to a relationship
-passion is the motivational component that underlies physical attraction and evokes emotions
-commitment is the decision-making arm of love

it's so so true.. how much do we all understand abt love.. esp. when it comes to loving those around us.. nt even to mention loving a member of the opposite sex.. it all fits.. being intimate.. passionate and committed.. in loving..

sometimes all someone need is just someone to be realli close to them.. to show dem how much dey care.. to show how much he/she is being loved.. how impt he/she can be to someone.. i believe we were all made for companionship.. we can't be living in this world for ourselves alone.. we live for each other and for everyone else..

why do things always have to end up in a certain way... why...

bishan to airport to bishan...

2008-03-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

well.. one of the most memorable things i wld ever do.. that is to move from bishan to changi airport and back to bishan again.. lyk pooof...

it began wif having to go to bishan for my piano lesson.. after which i took bus down to bishan interchange to meet andrew, isabelle and liqun.. and apparently.. all were late.. wif andrew earliest and liqun latest.. no offence! im fine wif waiting realli..

taking 53 all the way down to changi airport.. one of the biggest mistakes that anyone can make.. lyk wa sai.. super loooong lar.. by time time reach dere alr one liao ler.. hung around.. took photos wif 1T21.. wif ms teo and mr teo.. (woooooo~~) haha.. it was a great time.. signing T-shirt and cards for chrystal.. of cos we were all waiting for the main person to arrive at the airport.. which was chrystal.. going off to australia to study.. we all gave her our blessings.. well wishes.. yep.. and even yi feng was chosen by ms teo to approach chrystal.. haha.. and it was quite a show to watch..

then came the emo part where she had to check in her luggage.. and so we couldn't stay wif her anymore.. and yeah.. it was entirely emotional as she walked away.. even if it weren't emotional to u guys.. it was to me.. thoughts started to drift.......

ever experienced the feeling of having to "lose" somebody? it's in inverted commas becos u nvr really lost that someone.. u still hv tt person in ur mind.. in ur heart.. but circumstances change.. circumstances disallow for both to actually talk to each other normally again.. mistakes made.. misunderstandings piled.. all amounting to having to put behind a huge deal of memories.. especially when u hold dem so dear to ur heart.. how fragile relationships can be..

ended up leaving immediately after that.. had to rush back to bishan ler.. so went down to take cab frm the taxi stand.. and wa seh! seeing the taxi extras and the cost i got all jittery.. scared nt enough money.. den it started jamming up before eunos exit on the PIE.. told the uncle to exit at eunos..and i'll carry on my journey by bus.. ended up calling my dad to fetch me to church.. since i was jus one stop away frm my house.. i walked down one stop and waited for my dad dere.. amazingly made in time for sign language class.. they were just about to begin.. it was 2.30pm.. paiseh..

that was practically abt all for todae.. yesterday was a rather good day.. why? nt bcos it's good friday but bcos i spent time wif ppl whom im realli close to.. anyway.. was at my church good friday service in the morning before going down to dhoby gaut's carl's junior to hav lunch much as i didn want to hav it dere.. nice and super filling.. but yeah.. $$$ ka-ching.... after tt went to play pool at paradiz wif longkuan.. he's improving! totally fun.. yep.. den came a rather last min plan to meet up wif marcus, xingyun and denise.. so i took mrt up to serangoon to meet marcus first..

spent one hour roaming arnd serangoon wif him.. got myself a cup of bubble tea.. and we sat down and talked and talked abt our own sch.. yah.. den denise came along and a while later xingyun.. took bus to serangoon gardens and bought packet food frm chomp chomp and we walked to the garden to deat dere.. it was realli great time spent together.. talking wif each other.. sharing wif each other some childhood memories or memorable events that took place in our lives.. laughed at each other.. it's realli realli cool.. i reali long to hv these kinda talks wif friends.. experiencing the warmth of true friendship and all.. hai...... but time wouldn't permit for that to happen too often.. commitments.. school.. yeah.. started making our way out of serangoon gardens as xy's mother called.. and we actually met up wif her mother.. haha.. and carried on talking for abit more at the coffee shop at her block's void deck.. by the time i got home.. it was just midnight.. to me... meaningful..and every bit worth it......

~~thanks so much guys.. for being a part of my life..

a very special and meaningful day for me..

2008-03-11T23:49:00.000-07:00

todae.. is a very good day! lyk what xingyun will always sae.. haha..

well.. todae started wif me having to go to sch.. and so the moment i was crossing the overhead bridge to the bus stop opp... bus 966 jus left.. and i was lyk.. crap.. hav to wait very long for the bus.. but luckily the nxt bus didn take very long to come.. amazingly.. and i was lyk very thankful.. best part was jus b4 the bus drove off.. km came running.. and he boarded the bus.. timing was quite zhun..

so we went to sch.. started wif physics lecture.. den it was 1hr break-time.. and dere i saw the girls taking out something frm a relatively big box.. and yeah.. i knew that it was a cake.. oh well.. so dey put candle.. lighted it.. and sang the song.. and thankx to andrew and kimberly.. i got cake all over my face.. sighs.. nvm.. it was nt as bad.. luckily uniform nvr kena.. anyways.. realli happy and thankful that 1T21 celebrated together wif me.. and thankx for the present frm isabelle and chrystal.. yup.. well wrapped and nice card too! hahas.. thx alot.. and so after that we had chem lecture for an hour before practically the whole class made our way down to orchard on bus 105.. yup.. realli sorry me and kkm left halfway.. but we had to meet up wif our ppl.. so yeah.. sincere apologies we didn join u all for bowling and lunch.. nonetheless hope u guys enjoyed it very much as a class.. =)

so i ended up having lunch wif km.. actually he wanted to treat me the entire meal.. but realli wasnt necessary.. anyway.. he chipped in for quite a number of presents ler.. so yeah.. told him dun need.. i redeemed my free dessert and free pasta.. and i added on combo B.. so i ended up paying $3.30 for everything.. and i must sae it's a good thing to redeem both esp. on ur bdae.. feels lyk u r given a treat.. hahas.. anyway.. was thankful that he took time off to hav lunch wif me ler.. so yup.. after which i arranged to meet my other friends.. so i started to make my way to dhoby gaut alone frm cineleisure..

okay.. upon arriving.. i jus made it in time.. however.. they were slightly late.. but it's okay.. met 2 ppl! yup.. seriously coincidental.. talked abit before we moved off.. we went play pool.. before we walked back to dhoby gaut mrt again to meet shawn and denise.. okay.. played i think 2 hours of arcade.. cos we made use of the top up 20 free another 20 offer.. and so we played and played.. completed the whole time crisis 4 game as we took turns to play after we die.. and even competed in the shooting hoops to see whose personal score was the best.. and so it was weiyang.. yup.. after which we walked over to the foodcourt at meridien hotel and had our dinner.. dat time was going to b 8 liao.. so we finished our food quickly.. cos xingyun needed to get home as early as possible.. so marcus left wif her since dey both stayed near each other.. den remaining of us went outrun.. 1 time.. before we had to start making our way back lor.. cos was getting quite late ler.. yeah.. anyway.. i'm realli thankful to hav marcus xingyun weiyang denise and shawn to spend the day wif me..yupp.. appreciate it very much..

and that was abt it for the whole of todae.. yeah.. it was rather meaningful for me.. and im realli happy.. cos it has been quite awhile since i last felt so good abt my birthdae.. for the past 2 years.. it hasn't exactly been good.. and this year.. it's realli special.. and made special by everyone around me.. and so im realli thankful to everyone.. in no order of merit.. miss violet teo! (my home tutor).. wan ting, marcus, rebecca, deborah, xingyun, matthew, chin yi, isabelle, kangming, yong ning, xuanyi, my dajie, lim min, longkuan, phoebe, rayson, emeline, carlos.. yup.. it's these ppl that contributed to making todae a happy day and memorable day for me.. of course not to forget 1S02..with shirt frm marcus xingyun weiyang denise shawn, wan ting and emeline.. 1T21.. with presents from jessie liqun km chrystal and isabelle.. a shirt wif a tie frm nano and kkm + their cellgroup.. hongbaos frm my godparents and godsis.. and parents..and bag from my sis too! and if i did miss anyone out.. im reali sorry! in any case.. im realli thankful to all these ppl around me.. it's u guys that realli help me emotionally and all.. im realli grateful to have all of u in my life.. ((:

i just wan2 b honest and frank here.. i believe thats part of life.. being honest.. if u were me.. or rather if it were your birthdae.. dere wld b a few ppl whom u somehow hope tt wld wish u birthdae.. cos u know dere's dis relatively big chance dat they wouldn't.. and deep down in ur heart.. u noe that if dey were to wish u.. it wld definitely make u happier.. esp. when these ppl or this person means alot to u.. den again.. back to my prev post.. someone can mean alot to u but do u mean that same alot to that same someone? and since u dun get the wish frm dat person.. u feel disappointed.. abit sad.. but den again.. u dun realli wan2 or wish 2 hold it against tt person.. as a matter of fact u almost instantaneously forgive that person.. but to each and everyone of us.. depending on who u r.. i believe even a simple birthdae wish frm that someone wld b wat u hope to get frm dat person..

however.. if u were going to look at the other side of the entire picture.. it's jus a day.. a date in the calendar.. it's nt really THAT important is it? perhaps it is to u.. but what if in reality.. IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT? i think dats the problem wif me.. i care alot abt things that i feel is important to me.. but somehow nt important at all? i dunno why.. im weird.. dun u think?

i realli dunno how to feel.. at a loss of emotions.. will jus hav to force myself not to think too much into it.. and nt allow any unimportant stuff to affect me this much..

it's time to get down to work! and serious work! honestly speaking.. haven't done much work during the entire holidays.. and yeah.. feeling rather guilty now.. oh well.. move on wif life LAR! get urself a life..

okay.. it's getting rather late.. it's actually 12:49AM now.. but oh well... gonna sleep as much as i can cos i havent been able to sleep much.. having to go to sch the past 2 days.. so yup.. signing off..

TAKE CARE PPL!

today was a great day!!

2008-03-10T23:58:00.000-07:00

well.. todae was completely cool.. yeah.. although i didn't hang out wif 1T21.. er.. yeah.. my sincere apologies.. i also didn expect things to turn out this way.. anyways.. if u guys were going to eat first.. and i already ate alraedy.. it will b a waste of time to actually go all e way down dere.. and watch u guys eat.. yeah.. i wouldn't b eating.. so im really sorry..

anyway.. went home after all the debates abt whether to follow and stuff.. and yar. .ended up disappointing them.. made my way home alone and started piano-ing.. and oh yar.. received a present frm jessie liqun and km.. which consisted of a rubiks cube and a pink panther cartoon.. which i dun realli know why they got that for me.. but yeah.. obviously it wasn't km's idea.. er.. and so.. stayed around in my house until 3.45.. before leaving for eunos mrt.. but turned out marcus xingyun wanting denise and weiyang were late..so i ended up waiting half an hour.. but it's cool! hahas.. it's always great to see dem.. yeah..

so we went to east coast.. settled in in mac's for awhile before we actually decided to embark on a long journey to the food centre near the lagoon.. when we arrived dere.. we started playing uno.. and denise won first followed by marcus.. den we started deciding wat to eat.. and lol.. everything we ordered.. drinks included.. we tried to make it to $36.. so tt we can split evenly.. and we even went to the extent of bargaining for a free stick of satay.. and we succeeded! hahas.. and oh yar.. one very funny part.. marcus didn't want to step on the sand.. and so he was cautiously taking step after step.. and den he made this comment which made me burst out laughing... literally.. he said " I walk from rock to rock". well u see.. so as to step on lesser sand.. he stepped each step he took on the flat piece of rock within the hawker centre compound.. when i heard that statement.. i can't help but think abt it in those kinda philosophical way or watever u call it.. those kinda impressive speech or wat.. yeah.. den i started linking to podiums.. banners.. rallies.. yeah.. i kept laughing and laughing and laughing.. sighs.. nvr laugh so hard for a long time ler.. good thing.. i guess.. (mann.. uploading of pics got problem.. hai..)

when we finally made our way back.. we passed by vs.. hahas.. and we used the toilet.. didn't realli hv much trouble wif the security guard.. hee hee.. =) yup.. shall nt elaborate on that further.. and so.. walked out to the bus stop and dats where most of us separated liao ler lor.. yup..

it was a meaningful dae for me.. esp. when xingyun marcus weiyang denise and wanting sang the birthdae song wif a rather unusual birthdae cake for me.. yup.. and of cos.. marcus' statement of walking rock to rock.. i'll rmb that for a very long time.. hahahhas.. kkaes.. signing off..

weekends!!

2008-03-09T23:53:00.000-07:00

is it my imagination.. or do i realli look forward so much to weekends.. oh well.. it's lyk sub-consiciously desperately waiting for weekends to come.. and this weekend was a rather nice wan..

well.. saturday.. didn't know i didn hav piano lesson until arnd 11pm on friday night.. yeah.. and didn't hav sign language class too.. so in other words.. my 2 things scheduled for my saturdays were all removed.. so my entire saturday was free! hahas.. so i met up wif shawn and wan ting.. sry had to make u guys wait for me.. so we took train all the way to dhoby gaut again! so we realli need to start exploring new places we can go and new things we can do.. lyk wat i told everyone.. yup.. lets start researching ppl!

so three of us met up wif xing yun and marcus.. walked over to Mind Cafe.. yeah.. played the truth-or-dare jenga where there were seriously quite a few stupid dares.. but the truths.. some were really abit hard to ans.. lyk the wan i kena lor.. sigh.. u shld hv seen marcus balancing the block on his head and walking arnd the cafe! ahahhahs.. den played connect4.. and lord of the rings monopoly.. which we played and played until lyk quite sian lor.. end up also nvr count the money when we finished.. oh yar.. and boggle too.. and xy was complaining that we still hv to use our brains.. lol! okay.. the bill was a bomb.. yar.. didn't expect it to cost so much.. and yeah.. of cos i felt responsible.. cos it was all my idea.. luckily nvr order more stuff.. if not seriously will pok wan..

walked back to plaza sing.. met up wif weiyang.. who jus had canoeing training.. so the 6 of us went to eat our lunch at the foodcourt.. yeah.. after which we played our usual arcade.. star factory den went down to zone x.. well.. i was nvr an arcade person.. so nvr play that much lor.. come to think abt it.. all of us also nt so much of arcade ppl.. haha.. so we didn intend to hv dinner together.. altho everything ended quite abruptly.. it was still a day worth remembering.. yup.. to hav u ppl.. it's really great!! 1S02 rawks!!!!

so made my way down to the green line wif wan ting.. and we had a rather meaningful sharing session.. hahas.. and she alighted at eunos.. while i made my way to bedok.. my parents came and we went to T3 to hv dinner.. to celebrate my bdae in advance.. ate at earle's swensens.. forgot to take picture of the dish lar! presentation full marks.. quality simply superb.. yeah.. anyways.. ate until full full.. den walked arnd T3 for abit before making our way home..

although nth much realli happened todae.. i can sae smt abt todae.. i slept my longest nap ever i think.. sleep and sleep until i didn know i slept so long lar! fell asleep at arnd 1515hrs.. and i only woke up at 1845.. i was lyk woah.. tonight cannot sleep liao.. sighs..

well.. i realli dunno why.. and i want to know why.. how the mind actually works.. u just start to think abt stuff.. den u dun even wan2 think abt.. and den u jus begin to think and think.. and more things start to flow into ur mind.. and bam.. u r emo.. i can't believe im still thinking abt certain stuff.. wld somebody enlighten me as to how we can stop thinking abt certain stuff?

emotions.. probably something that amazes me the most.. lyk how it works and all.. it's complexity.. sighs... ppl sae dere's everything in the world to be happy about.. den why can't i sae.. there's everything in the world to emo abt too.. hahahhahahahhahhas......

eventful past week..

2008-03-07T23:29:00.000-08:00

well.. haven't realli been blogging for some ages now.. sighs.. it has realli been an eventful week for me the past week.. and i hope life for me can only get better..

school's okay.. just that everything is getting rather fast-paced.. and dere's no time for slacking or even letting loose of our focus.. todae was the release of A level results.. ppl will b happy.. ppl will b unhappy.. it's all part and parcel of life.. it was jus lyk getting O level results for me.. and it reminded me of how i actually felt.. that moment.. that hour.. that day.. and just todae.. we were supposed to b dismissed at 12 due to the release of the A level results.. but our GP teacher held us back to get an english essay done lor.. and she didn even noe we were supposed to b dismissed at 12.. amazing.. best part.. it was our English CA1.. so it was realli quite a killer.. sighs..

and today being a friday.. most ppl dun wan2 go home.. yar.. but me.. i went home.. lol.. and slept for lyk 2 hours.. yeah.. dere wasn much for me to do outside also.. no one to hang around wif.. or rather it was too impromptu.. and so.. all last minute plans had to b abandoned..

but anyways.. this moning.. a few of us met up to hav a morning run.. ran 7 rounds around the track.. and mann.. it was quite regretful lar.. by the time we actually cleaned ourselves up and prepare for morning assembly.. everything was rather rushed.. yeah.. even during morning assembly.. i was still sweating profusely.. and yar.. perspiration just kept dripping and dripping and dripping.. anyway.. this plan was put into action after wednesday's basketball training.. yeah.. it was lyk so hiong lar.. running non-stop for almost 20 minutes.. and i mean running.. nt jogging.. den dere were a few other exercises too which realli stretched us physically.. and so the 5 of us.. were reminded of how physically unfit we were..

oh well.. just cant seem to figure out the way im thinking abt my life right now.. it's lyk everything abt me.. is in a mess.. mindsets.. mentality.. sighs.. i can only pray tt He will lead and guide me.. and help me..

well.. this march break i hope wld definitely b for me to catch up wif wat im lagging behind.. refreshing and renewing of the mind and getting prepared to face 2 years of JC life.. also pray for friends.. friendships.. family.. sighs.. realli mental breakdown liao ler...................

i just hope i can stop thinking.. i just find myself thinking and thinking and thinking.. dunno why.. i hope one day my brain will cease... HAHAHA.. that will be funny..

how much can a hug mean to someone? wats the pt if it means alot to u but means nth to the other? den again.. wats the point if someone means alot to u but u dun mean alot to that someone.. and further more.. what's the point if u r gonna care so much for someone but that someone is nt going to care for u in the least bit..

and ultimately.. WHY AM I CARING ABT such stupid stuff.. maybe.. it is what that it's realli not important.. but what i see as important to me.. hahaha.. i must be mad.. see i'm mad... BAHAHAHAHHAA.. okay.. signing off..

emo! emo!! emo!!!

2008-02-22T23:11:00.000-08:00

okay.. haven realli posted since a long long time.. and really.. looking back at the past month.. spent in SRJC.. and now.. the past 3 days in CJ.. a new phase of life.. life has to move on.. but why... why do i feel so amazingly mixed up.. in all kinds of weird thoughts.. literally.. past few days.. i have been thinking and thinking.. thinking until i can actually get a headache.. and of course in the process.. it feels lyk i wld rather my head explode or smt..

first day in cj.. really wasn't very ideal.. take it that it was the transition.. or whatever.. it really was quite bad.. just thinking and thinking to myself.. i don't really have much against cj.. perhaps just a little here and dere.. i know.. it's a reasonably good jc.. and i shld count myself lucky that i got in.. even though it's not my top3 choices.. compared to others who want to get in but have to appeal in.. but really.. my mind is filled with thoughts and thoughts.. how i wish there was a function for me to do selective thinking..

settling in? perhaps abit.. lyk to an extent.. but it's restricted by factors.. lyk my mum.. and etc. etc. okay... i think my mind just broke down.. i don't really know how to carry on frm here..

just earlier on.. i really was blanking out.. just lying down on my bed.. and not knowing wat to do.. not knowing how to move on from here.. feeling so helpless.. still thinking alot abt sr.. just on thursday.. i went down to mj.. met up wif shawn as he was posted dere.. had a short emo talk before i had to go down to ny frm dere.. and in the process.. i passed by sr.. and sitting down dere waiting for a bus to change to.. looking at the exterior.. thoughts and memories of 1S02 just kept flowing in.. so it's lyk yeah.. emotions just started gushing in..

at this point.. i realised i nver really posted abt 1S02.. so i'll do just that now..
looking back at lectures, breaks, lunch breaks, tutorials, and CT periods.. throughout the one month in sr.. my life totally revolved around u guys.. in no order of merit..

Latif.. someone u can nvr really keep quiet with.. yup.. helped chun jie in opening up to the class.. dunking of him in dustbins.. getting bullied by weixiong.. yeah..

Wan Qin.. a little quiet but nonetheless contributes to the spirit of the class.. performed during CNY celebrations! lyk how many J1s 1st intakers would do that..

Matthew.. good buddy.. someone really good to be close to... first time having special feelings for someone.. thinking and thinking about it.. (:

Shawn.. one time emo.. one time rawker.. nonetheless a very good fren to hav.. nvr fails to care for those around him.. a leader in his own ways.. and a unique laughter (:

Wei Yang.. yang meh meh.. singing and singing.. doing his drawings on lecture notes or tutorial notes.. plugging into his earphones and emo-ing away.. taupok king.. wif matthew as the common victim.. irritating ppl.. poke poke poke.. will rmb having tau huey wif him.. (:

Donovan.. dua2 jia4.. rolling around.. hah.. though u might feel kinda away frm the class.. hope u noe that it's always great to hav u in 1S02.. and that u will always be a part of 1S02..

Chun Jie.. u guided me in doing the rubix cube!! so in a way.. my rubix cube shifu.. and the chun jie move!!! eat more arh.. so skinny.. train more.. and lyk yeah.. don't always play computer k?

Mashuk.. hand itchy den will start to draw right.. although they were mostly scribblings.. haha.. but it was still great to hav known u.. be more confident of urself.. u r a leader in your own way..

Shaun.. regretted never really speaking much to u.. but always u wld still b smiling.. and being ur own usual quiet self.. open up more! yeah..

Phoebe.. shld hav talked to u more.. piano! and rubix cube.. always cheerful and smiley.. yup.. wld u remember me after 5 years? lol.. (:

Rebecca..bubbly.. the smiles.. and guitar sessions.. dumb blonde jokes.. yeah.. someone great to talk to.. and nvr failing to make others around u happy.. (:

Jin Wen.. chess! and always laughing away at marcus.. haha.. perhaps it wld be alot better if u spoke more on your part.. yup.. and always enjoyed talking to u.. even though it even were for a little bit..

Jeremy.. ur gayish behaviour.. and random comments in class.. definitely contributes to the spirit of the class.. hand stands.. and keeping urself fit.. really self-disciplined..

Marcus.. one thing i'll definitely rmb.. first thing u said.. on day 1.. anti-social.. well look at u now.. haha.. ur favourite word used.. and stuff lyk that.. haha.. u'll always be the walking cartoon i noe.. of course.. dun mean to be mean..

Nikita.. bubbly and cheerful personality.. be more careful during PE.. yup.. take care of the knee..

Emeline.. char siew.. lol.. i never really knew why.. but yeah.. great to hav known u.. and great to hav been in e same class as u..

Wan Ting.. always cheerful and smiling away.. will rmb u kicking yang meh meh while emeline actually pinched his butt.. lol.. dun really know why u all did that for..but yeah.. taking bus back wif u on a couple of occasions.. yup.. catching the zi high syndrome from... u know.. CAL

Xing Yun.. L fan.. aka. CAL.. as u and yang meh meh always hav smt wif each other.. realli lar.. nvr had any pian jian against u.. continue to be urself.. and yeah.. dun spread the zi high syndrome.. will always rmb the triangle incident.. freaky! (:

Denise.. yeah.. some special moments to rmb.. and always trying to talk to everyone in the class.. most active organiser for class outings.. and i must sae.. ur efforts are really appreciated.. active participant of dai di games.. and class photographer.. sharing of sweets during some lectures.. really cool.. rawk on.. (:

Wei Xiong.. class CT... always flexing away.. and cracking jokes about.. naming wan ting hippo or smt? yeah.. haha.. oh well.. fun guy to be with.. happy-go-lucky.. yup..

Nithin.. regretted not having talked more with u.. u really are cool.. someone special.. and rawk on mann.. hav ur play time.. but not too long too.. yeah.. so stay cool.. all the best!!

will post the pictures up some other time.. don't really have the time to do it now.. getting quite late.. long dae ahead of me tmr.. sighs..

well.. as a matter of fact.. i really regret not talking wif everyone more.. probably it wasn't really possible too.. given the amount of time we could spend wif each other.. but yeah.. really.. 1 month.. it's fast.. sighs.. definitely want to keep in close contact wif all of u ppl.. and really miss u ppl alot.. of course more of those whom i'm closer to.. yeah.. human nature..

okay.. to sum it all up.. i really have been thinking alot alot alot lately.. and yeah.. to an extent that i actually got lyk a perpetual headache kind of thing.. and yeah.. jus so wanted my head to blow up or smt.. how i wish.. i could be less emo.. how i wish.. i could think less..

lead the way.. guide me.. and help me through this big hurdle in my life..

o level results..

2008-01-25T10:32:00.000-08:00

sigh sigh and more sighs.. i wun deny it.. im not exactly happy with my results.. kinda horrified when i received them too.. but well.. just hav to accept it wat.. it can't be changed..

well.. comparing to other ppl.. it's lyk yeah.. more depressing.. and i was lyk so at a loss of what to do or sae to ppl who asked me how much i got.. and finally after reviving frm the shock and all shaken-ness.. me and kkm decided to go to suntec.. wif zhi chao pang-sehing us to go home.. hai..

den at suntec.. we were totally emo-ing lar.. went to the sky garden.. and kinda lyk flick small stones off the edge of the ledge and down to the road.. lol.. luckily nobody complained or saw us.. and kkm even created a small game of his own.. lyk omgosh lar.. it was dat emo..

den when he met up wif someone.. awhile later i left..cos dun wan 2 b lightbulb.. and i took train home by myself.. well.. nt exactly by myself.. together wif the crowd.. train was so packed and i was lyk totally squashed.. sigh..

a new phase of life lar.. hav to move on.. hav to look forward.. despite the setbacks u face.. and these setbacks can be in the form of relationships.. friendships.. o level results.. sigh.. the reality of life..

hv yet to decide where to go.. but i realli will hv to think alot abt it.. considering my parents thoughts.. den celsius! and not forgetting 1S02 as well.. glad to have u ppl in my life.. and me in yours too..........

orientation's over.. time to get back to sch work!

2008-01-13T00:44:00.000-08:00

oh well.. orientation is over.. and very happy to know that our house.. cetus won the overall champion.. it wasn't really expected.. as we were facing stiff competition from other houses.. but i guess it's everyone's hard work put together that resulted in us emerging as the champion house.. yup..

hoping to concentrate on more impt stuff from now onwards.. and of course.. my walk with HIM.. well.. ultimately.. what may be perceived to be important things to me.. might turn out to be not that impt after all.. u might place people around u on high priorities in ur life.. but it just won't be reciprocated.. and thats the way things can be..

hope everyone's having a great start to the year 2008! take care ppl!

reflecting on the past few days.. and also on year 2007..

2007-12-31T12:01:00.000-08:00

oh well.. supposed to camp over in sch on the 26th de.. den my dad complain i tell him too late so dun allow.. so in the end stayed over on the 27th to see the annual UTC camp.. and just at looking at my juniors alone.. yup.. brings back alot of memories.. oh well..

the campfire..

the sunrise which we woke up so early to see but was disappointed..

weijie won tickets to see maria sharapova live at singapore indoor stadium.. and so nice of him to hv invited us to watch together wif him.. so the 6 of us.. chin boon, yuan hong, xuanyi, firdaus me and of cos weijie.. supposed to meet at kallang mrt station.. ended up so many things happened that foiled our plans.. weijie had to take taxi down frm serangoon aft cutting his hair.. and it was pouring so heavily.. we were stranded at kallang mrt for lyk quite some time.. and miscommunications here and dere.. resulted in us taking taxi to the new leisure park shopping centre.. where we had our dinner and we met weijie dere.. chin boon joined us alittle later..

well.. the match was seriously beautiful.. good shots were hit.. and good returns too.. well..overall.. maria sharapova was the more aggressive player.. and she won the first set 6-0.. and in the nail-biting second set.. anna chakvetadze at one stage led by 5-2.. but maria prevented anna frm winning the second set.. and she won all the way to 5-5..

maria's serve..

anna won another set which made it 6-5.. but again maria refusing to let her 1st set go to waste... won it back to make it 6-6.. and so it was the tie breaker.. 9-9 sia.. lyk how exciting was it.. lol..

the final score.. maria winner..

so as u can see.. the match lasted 94 mins.. totally cool lars.. actually i think the whole stadium was looking forward to the 3rd set.. lol.. then it wld realli have been a great match for all to watch.. yup.. so we ended up walking all the way back to kallang mrt.. which took us quite some time.. and wanted to eat supper de.. but den too late ler lar.. later no bus or train home.. den ya lor.. so we left for home.. yup.. dat was ytd..

looking back at year 2007.. it really has been an eventful year.. the emptiness sets in.. after graduating frm vs.. and entering a new phase of life.. oh well.. i wonder how i'm going to face it.. hopefully with an open mind.. and a positive outlook.. yup.. so as the year draws to a close.. wishing all a happy happy new year!

what could probably be the worst christmas ever?

2007-12-25T23:19:00.000-08:00

sigh.. well.. reached home around 11.45pm last night after city harvest service.. and feeling realli realli screwed up.. don't ask me why.. that was the time it alr started to feel that it was one of the worst christmas ever.. well.. christmas service at city harvest was quite nice.. certain emo parts of the service.. yeah.. the candlelight part of cos.. i attended both the saturday service and the monday wan..which is the christmas eve wan.. yup.. here are some photos..

jus look at the beautiful sight!..

am i alone?...

or can i be with you?...

the christmas tree at the foyer where me and kevin sat for awhile b4 actually submitting to the fact that we reali had to go home..

well.. reached home around 11.30 plus.. and by the time i hav cleaned up and everything.. jus nice midnight.. no one realli arnd to actually talk to me.. and spend the arrival of christmas day with.. unlike xuanyi and meimei.. ha.. and so.. i called my church fren.. and we welcomed the arrival of christmas dae tgt.. and with the recent spate of events in my mind.. i was thinking.. this was realli gonna be a sad christmas.. it was lyk i realli didn't know wat was wrong with me or with the way i was thinking...

but i realli thank God for the msg this morning at my church.. talking abt this morning.. i woke up arnd 9.45am.. and i was lyk shoots.. my own church service was gonna start in lyk 45 minutes time.. and i rushed lorx.. den i saw dat my family members were all still laxing away.. den i figured out dat dey werent going lorx.. and usually.. i go wif dem.. dat kinda thing.. and so.. after some thought.. i got changed after cleaning up and without having my breakfast i rushed out of the house to go on my own.. and amazingly..jus as i was coming down frm the overhead bridge to the bus stop.. i saw my bus drive off.. so i spent the nxt fifteen minutes waiting for e nxt bus but none came.. so i decided to take taxi.. reached church at about 10.40.. 10 minutes late.. sigh.. but i didn regret at all..even tho i sat on the steps.. the songs inspired by the choir.. and the wonderful msg.. realli reminded me tt this christmas.. we should be focusing the whole idea of christmas on God alone.. and nth else.. in fact.. every christmas.. God shld be the focus of christmas.. thats where we can draw happiness.. and joy from.. everlasting.. and overflowing.. so i realli thank god for the msg todae.. that reminded me.. focusing on God alone.. and putting the other earthly issues into lesser consideration..

aft morning service.. went to hav christmas lunch with my grandma.. my two uncles.. all my mother's side wan.. and by the time finished lunch.. alr 2 plus gonna 3.. and poor longkuan waited so long for me.. really sorry! hais.. den spent lyk 10 min outside j8 coffee bean wondering where to go or wat to do.. and he was lyk complaining that he didn wan2 move at all.. in the end.. took cab down to paradiz centre.. merc somemore lar.. we were in luck.. haha.. altho dere was a comfort wan behind.. we still chose the merc.. and i remarked smt abt making this x'mas a slightly better wan by taking a merc cab.. lol.. and for breaking a record in my life.. it did make it better alittle.. so went to play pool.. and taught him 9-ball.. and we jus played.. it did get me off my mind for a bit.. and smt amazing happened towards the end of our pooling session.. hahas.. only longkuan knows wat.. and yup.. it was time to make my way to my uncle's house for steamboat dinner.. this time.. my father's side wan.. and yup..steamboat's my favourite.. soup and all.. haha.. great time of fellowship dere.. plus 2 babies' company.. and so.. that was abt it for my x'mas..

sigh.. is dere smt wrong wif me.. or is dere smt wrong wif the things around me.. pastor mentioned.. dat if God hears our complains abt why lyk this and why lyk that.. God wld wan2 change us and not the things around us.. bcos ultimately.. the only thing that we are in control of is ourselves.. individually.. and den recollecting smt frm city harvest sermon.. why love someone when u are gonna lose that someone in the end? but it's a perfect demonstration of God's selfless and unconditional love for us..

so God.. help us to love others lyk u hav loved us..

past few days..

2007-12-23T23:26:00.000-08:00

haven been posting of late.. and some ppl have been asking me to post.. so here i am! hahas..

oh well.. went to city harvest last night for their very first christmas service.. great atmosphere.. especially during the candlelight period.. and yeah.. everyone was given a candle.. and when a few were lighted.. the lights just started passing around.. and soon enough.. the whole sanctuary was lighted up wif many many candles.. and it was a really magnificent and beautiful sight.. it was a really touching sight.. and how i wished i was standing wif someone close to me.. yeah.. really touching.. and yup.. i did tear.. oh well.. sighx.. after service i just hung arnd wif nano's cell grp ppl.. and thankful to hav quite alot of ppl to talk to.. ppl like yuanhe, alvin, jun wei, jonathan.. and even andy.. whom we shared jokes with among ourselves.. yup.. both nano and kkm had parade on that dae and kevin was sleeping at home to recuperate from his church camp which ended that day.. oh well.. at least i got my small little tiny aim done.. and thats abt all that i'm that concerned about.. and yup..can set my mind at ease alittle..

anyways.. for the past few days.. hv been talking to abigail over e phone.. and yup.. it's definitely good to hav someone to talk to.. to share your problems with.. and to laugh at the slightest funniest thing.. lyk what i always tell everyone.. we.. as human beings.. weren't made to live on this earth alone or individually.. there's definitely a need for companionship.. and the importance of that.. can always be seen in interpersonal skills.. and friendships that last over a long long period of time.. yup.. so i'm grateful.. to hav u to talk to =)

christmas is coming.. it's the time of giving.. it's the time of sharing.. it's the time of spreading the good news of what our Lord has done for us.. and perhaps learn to be lyk him in his many Godly ways to actually show to many others in thsi world.. what it really is like to be loved..

i hv been constantly reminded.. to keep the friendships and relationships that i have very close and dear to me.. becos to me.. they will always be very precious to me.. undeniable.. one of the needs of human kind.. love and belonging.....

Day 7 Back to Singapore!

2007-12-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

wahh seh.. wake up at 5.45am in the morning todae.. and feeling super tired.. hurriedly washed up and changed.. got ready to leave.. we turned out to be the last to board the bus lor.. so malu.. even the front desk had to call to make sure tt we were actually moving..

breakfast was packed for us on the bus.. consisted of cake, bun, lao po bing and grape juice.. we moved off to a final place to do our last shopping of snacks afterwhich we headed for the airport.. so after checking in.. it was jus nice time to go into the departure area.. and yup.. bade farewell to taiwan.. afterall it's my first time in taiwan.. so yup.. shook hands wif the tour guide as he brought us to the immigration checkpoints..

the moment we boarded the plane.. much to our delight.. we realised that there were personal TVs!! woo hoo.. dunno how come our return flight hav personal tv but our flight there didn't hav any.. (mus hv heard our complaints) oh well.. anyway it was different plane.. we came in a boeing.. but we left in an airbus.. yup..

the personal tv touch screen also lars! cool right.. had games lyk dai di, chinese chess, chinese checkers, mahjong, sudoku... all of which i mentioned i played.. and den i began having some headache.. so i stopped to sleep for awhile.. but dunno why cannot fall asleep lar.. turn here turn dere still cannot slp.. in the end.. slp for that very short while.. den the air stewardess wake me up and ask me wat i wan to eat.. argh.. oh well.. so watched rataouille or however u spell it as i ate my lunch.. though not very appetizing.. actually intended to read a book wan..but end up nvr read at all..

the plane began to descend.. and wahh.. the pressure change either very fast or smt wrong wif my ear lor.. cos to hk and back and to taiwan.. i nvr had such a serious problem of pressure change before.. and it became quite painful.. only in my right ear.. landing was quite smooth.. smoother than i expected it to be.. so i guess it's my best landing ever.. upon landing.. my ear slightly okay liao.. so went to collect baggage and took taxi home.. den got home.. my ear pain again lar.. sian.. den dats where i really had to sleep.. and i slept frm lyk 4.30 to 6.30..

yup.. thats abt all.. now i caught a cold.. i believe it was from the fisherman's wharf lor..where the winds were so chilly.. sigh.. appealing to all out dere take care of urselves.. =)

so taiwan trip comes to an end.. wonder what i'll be doing for the rest of the holiday..

Day 6 Taichung - Hsinchu - Taipei

2007-12-05T22:59:00.000-08:00

first thing after breakfast in the morning.. we took the High Speed Rail (HSR) to Hsinchu.. there we went to the chenghuang temple first where there were many taiwanese local snacks such as their famous meatball noodles.. then we went to the chung-hwa pui-shiou museum where we listened all abt fengshui and the suan ur name wan.. den dey wld be able to tell ur characteristics.. ohw ell.. then we went to a shop which sold purely tarts.. of course got different flavours.. we bought 3 boxes.. but guess what lar.. got some other families in our tour grp bought 3 boxes.. sounds the same but actually it's 3 big boxes.. lol.. those big kind of cardboard boxes.. then we went for lunch at a super special place.. afterall it was going to be our last meal together as a tour group.. and yup.. the restaurant is called wu jiao chuan ban.. served the best food so far.. yup..

den we went to the Taipei 101.. the tallest skyscraper in taiwan.. there was a shopping mall there too.. and again.. we didnt buy anything.. just another high-end shopping mall..

next we went to what they called the fisherman's wharf.. dere.. they had the lovers bridge or otherwise known as the ai qing qiao.. and it was super cold!! due to the winds lar i guess.. u can feel the coldness lyk right into ur blood lor.. it was that cold.. this was where they filmed liu xing hua yuan.. and yup.. it was a romantic place to be alright.. but many of us didn't wan2 stand out in the cold weather too long so all of us were back in the bus 10 minutes before the time given by the tour guide.. lol ..

after that we went to the shihlin night market.. where we ate oyster omelette.. chicken fillet.. and fried rice for dinner.. not bad lars.. although the chicken fillet was a little salty.. oh well..

so it was back to fortune hotel.. probably the 2nd best hotel after the first night's hotel.. went to look for streets to shop wif a few other families we made friends wif.. but all were close and we didn't really know where to go.. so only my sis bought 4 pairs of sox frm one shop that was lyk the only shop open among the few shops that were open..

wahh.. tmr morning to wake up so early lars.. cos need to be at the airport early.. haiyo.. better slp early.. although it's quite late already..

Day 5 Kaohsiung - Nantou - Taichung

2007-12-04T21:45:00.000-08:00

watched some MTVs in the hotel room before departing from the hotel.. using that little time after breakfast and before we set off.. and woo hoo!! they played qi shi hai ai ni by ah xin and den gei wo ni de ai by tank.. both of which are songs that i lyk quite alot.. and after that we set off for Sun Moon Lake and Wen Wu Temple..

entrance to the temple...

Sun Moon Lake.. the biggest freshwater lake in Taiwan..

lunch was at the only crowded restaurant along the street of the sun moon lake.. and also the only restaurant that had queue.. luckily we arrived earlier and we managed to skip a huge batch of ppl coming in to eat too..

next we went to the Formosan Aboriginal Cultural Village which was a multifaceted theme park.. and most rides were mainly for kids lars.. yar.. we watched the aboriginal show where the tribal men were supposed to swing across a river using a rope hung in the centre.. and most of them managed to do it.. but one of dem..very funny lor.. jump already.. den lyk missed the rope completely.. so he ended up diving into the water and he swam across to the other side.. sat rides lyk royal train, monorail, cathrine train and canyon.. all of which were seriously boring.. no ci ji gan lars.. but oh well.. on the other hand.. the roller coaster and wat they call the UFO.. were the really ci ji ones.. but we didnt sit lors.. my mum also bu fang xin let us sit so oh well..

in the "forest" in the theme park..

one of the mansions at the theme park.. how i wish this was my house.. lol..

we carried on moving to taichung.. and we stopped at Feng Jia Night market to shop.. we ate noodles and duck rice.. drank milk tea wif pearls.. and nice seh.. i was the only wan finishing up the remaining pearls that were buried in the ice cubes... i didn't buy anything.. and i don't think i will.. so it was back to the hotel for the night.. =)

dunno how come this post so short.. but oh well.. not enough memory space in my phone for more pictures..

Day 4 Taitung - Kaohsiung

2007-12-03T21:45:00.001-08:00

breakfast was at the restaurant of the hotel.. consisted of porridge peanuts eggs and dow gay.. and thats abt all lor.. i didn't really eat my fill.. but oh well.. next it was a super long bus journey to kaohsiung.. one of the most polluted cities in taiwan.. and throughout the journey.. the bus climed a mountain using a road just to get from the the western side of taiwan to the eastern side of taiwan.. well.. taiwan is split into east and west by its mountainous regions bah.. so we so very close to the pacific ocean and after that the eastern china sea..

finally when we arrived somewhere nearer to kaohsiung.. we visited the Fo Kuan Shan monastery.. it is the largest buddhist monastery in taiwan.. and it also has a 120-ft tall Buddha statue that is surrounded by 480 smaller similar statues.. didnt include any pictures of this.. well.. yeah..

after that we stopped by at the Pearl Cultural Centre where they sold pearl powder.. and pearl jewelry.. and sia lar.. the lady talked super fast until i cannot catch wat she was saying lor.. but oh well.. nt impt.. i guess she's used to talking to tour grps so she become so efficient..

next.. the tour guide allowed us to do some shopping although it wasnt for long.. what they call Dream mall.. but it's lyk so ex lar.. it's lyk high end shopping centre so oh well.. didnt buy a single thing at all... exceot some sun biscuits..

dropped by at Sizih Bay.. supposedly clear water de..according to the itinerary.. but NO MAN.. lyk so normal lor.. it was where couples frm the nearby university wld hang out.. and according to the tour guide.. the pregnancy rate at that university is quite high.. lol..

love river cruise.. well.. dere's a story behind it..and u might be able to guess.. 2 lovers.. jumped into the river after they planned to si ben.. but due to some miscommunication.. they both waited at both ends of the river.. and when the other party failed to show up.. both jumped into the river and drowned..

went to Leo Ho Street which was known for its many delicious local snacks.. so we ate guan cai ban and fried ice cream.. pepper bun and drank si shen tang.. all of which were recommeneded by our tour guide.. not a bad recommendation after all..

what they call guan cai ban which consisted of fried bread and somewhat lyk campbell soup..superbly delicious seh..

after that it was back to Hotel Holiday Garden which had a very very cool lift..

the ceiling of the lift..

back to the hotel room for a good night's rest..

Day 3 Hualien - Taitung

2007-12-02T21:45:00.000-08:00

Seven Star Lake...

130 years ago.. which is abt how old my sch is.. haha..random.. an earthquake casued the lake to be displaced downwards via faulting and it merged wif the sea.. haha.. geog terms used here.. waves were huge and the landscape was beautiful.. coupled wif strong winds.. and the sun's rays that penetrated the clouds that shone on the sea was superbly beautiful man!!

this was taken when the waves were coming in so i started screaming.. and immediately aft that i began to run away lor..

the view was seriously magnificent.. some of the waves were really huge lorx.. and my mum got her shoes wet.. oh well..

after that the tour guide brought us to the Lingzhi Centre.. where the doctor there gavea seemingly forever-long talk.. and he talk so fast somemore lar.. chinese pro wan sia.. oh well..

next it was the Taroko Gorge.. took many many pictures of the waterfall and the river..

had lunch at the restaurant in Herb Spa Resort.. and after that it was a 3 hrs long bus ride to Taitung.. jus slept and slept.. and it was rather frustrating lor.. the bus journey so long.. luckily got bring my handphone earpiece sia..can listen to music in my phone..

den it was Chulu Ranch where i sat on a horse for 2 rounds around a small track.. and yup.. really small track.. made the money not worth it lar.. but oh well.. best part was halfway when i was on the horse.. the horse jus suddenly stopped.. and guess what it did lars.. it shitted.. lol.. and eww.. disgusting.. the person who was dragging the horse also seemed alittle chissed off.. den it was dinner at the restaurant of the hotel.. Flower Garden Hill.. this hotel was lyk so woody lor.. everything was made of wood.. and their ceilings were lyk many doors aligned together.. and their walls.. they used those kinda container zinc plates.. and it was quite yeah.. the room was big.. 4 king size beds again.. in 1 room.. wif a dining room.. living room.. and 2 toilets.. yup..

after dinner.. we had muah chee pounding.. where both tour groups under ASA tours took turns to pound.. i didnt lars.. stand one side and slack.. haha.. they added grounded peanuts too.. and end result.. it was not a bad snack after all..

we watched fireworks frm a really close up view.. and wow mann.. it was very nice.. different variations and all.. took videos of it.. here's one of them..

after that we went to the Hot Spring to jus soak ourselves inside.. and wah.. geothermal energy mann.. it was shiok lars.. got 3 different kinds of temp for ur choice.. one hot one medium and one cold.. massager for ur back and knee.. and almost everywhere else.. jus had to stand under the massager.. and poof.. totally rawks...

went back to the hotel room feeling slightly hungry so shared a cup noodle frm downstairs of the hotel room wif my sis.. yup.. thats abt all..

Taipei-Yilan-Hualien

2007-12-01T21:45:00.000-08:00

well.. we went to the Martyr's shrine in Taipei the first thing in the morning after breakfast to watch the hourly guard-changing ceremony.. it was lyk fancy drill lor..the guards.. but oh well.. actually..nth much de lar.. took pictures.. oh.. and i saw Godwin dere.. tho i dun really know him very well.. i know that he's frm the same sch as me.. and that in LTC we were in the same grp.. hahas.. guess he was on a tour too..

after that we went to chiufen.. actual hanyu pinyin.. jiu3 fen4.. located up in the hills of north east taiwan.. we ate fuzhou fishball noodle and sharks meatball noodle.. the bus ride up the hill and down the hill was super bumpy lars.. and we had to stand somemore.. sigh..

a view frm chiufen...

after that was Yilan National Center for Traditional Arts.. (24ha in area..) all the arts thing were lyk exhibited dere.. and many of the stuff that they produced were handmade.. quite alot of nice stuff dere.. but of cos.. expensive lors.. so jus spent some time walking through the whole thing and look at whats nice lor..

after that was the train ride to Hualien.. seats were rather comfortable.. and we left suaosin railway station to xin cheng.. met up wif the bus that we were gonna take for the rest of our trip and we went on to watch what they call the Ami Aboriginal Cultural show.. danced and photographed.. but yar... all of us arhs..frm singapore wan..obviously dun really know how to appreciate their dance.. and we were the only tour grp watching them perform so it was quite sang..

we had dinner at a restaurant which appeared high-class but actually quite budget.. table cloth.. they use plastic wan lars.. and the building had windows that were quite old and dirty.. and the food was avg only.. it was the chairs that made the restaurant seemed lyk a restaurant.. oh well..

this time we went back to A-star hotel.. but i'll give it a B- lol.. definitely cannot win the first night's hotel.. nowhere near it mann..

China Airlines CI 662 delayed..

2007-11-30T21:45:00.000-08:00

well..delayed by 20mins.. had to wait for quite some time before we could board.. and when we finally boarded.. it wasn't that much of a disappointment afterall.. just that... this was what i had to face for four hours! gosh..

actually already had mental preparation that there wouldn't be any personal tv.. except for one screen in front of everyone to share.. really boring initially.. just started sleeping immediately after the smooth takeoff.. woke up when they began pouring drinks for us and giving us some nuts to chew on.. that perked me up alittle.. and i didnt feel sleepy anymore..

the plane...

so i took out the Choice Theory book to carry on reading.. if not i won't be able to finish before i have to return to longkuan.. so it was the longest chapter ever.. and i took quite long to finish.. when i finally finished.. it was time for dinner on board.. and i ate their fish wif rice.. acceptable lorx.. yeah..as usual.. i liked the bread wif butter.. and their desert which was cake wif a little cream and strawberry jam.. not that bad..

right at the last few minutes of the flight.. i tuned in to one of their in-flight radio stations.. and guess what.. they played zi you bu bian by JJ la! one of my fav songs.. and so i guess becos of that.. i didn't think that china airlines was that bad afterall..

arrived at the City Suites hotel at around 9 plus.. and gosh lar!! the hotel's so nice.. too bad we moving hotels every night lorx.. there were lyk 60 channels in the TV and I hav one king size bed to myself! woo hoo!! the toilet rox.. everything rox..

but of cos.. still thinking abt the ppl back in s'pore.. (= and thats about it.. end of day 1.. lol..

oh ya.. we met mdm. lian.. (my chinese teacher in p6) at the Taoyuan Airport immigrations.. apparently we took the same flight as her.. lol.. what a small world!

farewell to Hong Kong..

2007-11-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

watching harry potter and the order of the phoenix on the plane now..

expected to reach s'pore at arounnd 7.30pm..

well.. practically all of our seats are separated now.. on this flight back due to a long long story..........

woke up quite late this morning.. went back to da kuai huo to eat lunch directly.. and lyk ya.. kevin wanted to buy his doughnuts from krispy kremes or smt liddat.. and by the time we cabbed back to the hotel.. we actually missed the bus to the airport!! gosh lars.. dey did inform us.. but dey inform us at 12noon when we hav already left for lunch larhs.. ended up taking cab all the way which cost us lyk $260 HK larhs.. take 2 cabs somemore.. gosh.. oh well.. wat to do..

pictures taken on the cab..

bought a few last things at the HKIAirport.. 2 tubes of my favourite chocolate strawberry snack.. and yup.. now in plane lorx..

oh ya.. at the immigration.. smt very funny happened.. i wanted to write a few last details on the departure card.. and my super lousy lao pok pok pen dismantled itself the moment the tip touched the card.. and the ink thingy.. it just exploded up into the air which made me look totally like a fool lars.. lol.. and it was lyk i saw the thing fly up too.. so did zhi chao.. and how i wish i caught that on video.. but nvm.. luckily the guy behind me.. so kindly lent me a pen and i makde it just in time.. okay.. back to watching harry potter le.. =)

before boarding the plane..

back at terminal one!!

so.. the hongkong trip chapter has come to a close.. and wow.. hahas.. really has been a good 6 days..

and will be leaving for taiwan again soon ler.. phew.. mus keep quiet during taiwan trip so as not to anger my parents too much.. haha.. okay.. ppl.. SIGNING off.. =))

shenzhen ppl!!

2007-11-23T23:59:00.001-08:00

hai.. really quite sian to blog liao ler..

but well.. woke up at 6.30am this morning to get ready to go shenzhen.. arrived dere at around 10plus.. to eleven after immigration checkpoints..

didn't really shop much at shenzhen.. only bought another pair of shoes.. and yup.. had lunch at da jia le.. in shen zhen.. and there we also saw alot of goods that were made fake by making some adjustments to the slogan or to the logo.. lol..

took the mtr to lao jie.. yup.. just above.. and dats where we shopped.. a total of 45 min train ride from tsim sha tsui station... and when we were on the way back.. i practically stood for the whole journey back.. legs were aching totally.. phew..

came back to the hotel to rest for awhile before leaving again for dinner on the first night.. harbour city.. and yup.. kkm's aunt's restaurant.. woo hoo.. good food again! yay! ahhas..

came out super full.. and took a few pictures of the cruise that docked at the harbour..

went back to Ladies market for the 3rd time to finish up our shopping.. 3rd time sia.. lol..

came back to the hotel around 11.30pm and playred a few rounds of mahjong and 3 ppl bridge.. one round i hu due to skill / luck but the other.. hahas.. i forced zhi chao to throw the tile that i wanted.. =P screened his hand alittle.. lol..okay so yup.. dats 2 rounds for tonight.. as for 3 ppl bridge.. i will always remember this very game where i thought i couldn't reach my target for the number of sets.. and to meet it.. i needed to win the remaining 5.. and wif abit of luck frm kevin breaking trump using 1 trump card.. my remaining 5 cards were all confirmed sets as long as i washed out all the trumps first.. as i had the ace king queen and jack.. so after all trumps are out.. already assured that my last card.. the ten of clubs was the sure win.. so woo hoo!! calculation sia.. and very much watching of the game..

tmr going back to singapore liao ler.. =( indescribable feeling bah.. sighx..

4th day..

2007-11-22T23:59:00.000-08:00

getting lazy to write ler.. hai.. wif dolphy staring at me now.. yawn..

today was rather cool.. i woke up at 9.50am.. and we got ready to meet each other at the lobby and set off again at 10.30 plus.. after which i bought a lao po bing at times square to try.. it was rather nice.. the rest bought cream puffs but i gave dem a miss..

bought a whole lot of stuff today.. compared to 2nd day.. and yup.. really xin tong.. but what to do.. had lunch at da kuai huo and dinner at da jia le.. both of which had really good food and reasonable prices.. bought doughnuts for breakfast tmr.. frm krispy kreme.. whee!! hahas..

the nearest MTR station to our hotel...

fried rice for dinner! at da jia le..

curved escalators at times square!!

ok.. tmr going shenzhen..

Ocean Park!!

2007-11-21T23:59:00.000-08:00

woke up at around 8.30 am in the morning to find that i only have 15 minutes left to clean up and change.. met the tour guide who brought us to ocean park.. at 9.15.. took pictures at the front gate..

first thing we did was to have breakfast.. and den we started looking around.. saw the panda bears.. literally lyk toys right.. hahas..

and the dolphins...

dere was nth else much to do in the first half of ocean park.. with the big hot air balloon under maintenance and the go kart.. hav to pay money wan.. hai.. we took cable car over to the second half.. looking at the panoramic view of the ocean and it's horizon..

these pictures were taken at the Ocean Park Tower.. where we could see the whole of ocean park at the highest point of the tower.. sat rides like the Dragon.. rollercoaster which inverted lyk a total of 3 times!!! oh my gosh lar.. and abyss which was the most heart-throbbing for me.. it's lyk we were taken to a super high point of the machine.. and suddenly released at that highest point.. brakes are applied somewhere at the quarter mark.. and we dipped down again.. for the second time.. no joke man.. i believe my heart skipped a beat or two.. the viking was rather fun though it was alittle scary at the high ends.. and den we saw that the dragon was spoilt lors.. it was lyk stuck in the middle of the track and stewards were guiding the ppl back.. lol.. luckily we took it earlier.. =P

wanted to take a few more rides but time was running out.. had to meet the grp at the exit at 4.30pm.. so we missed the raging river and mine train.. oh well.. sent back to the hotel before we started making our way again to Times Square where we were treated to another sumptious omeal at another of kkm's aunt's restaurant.. really am thankful that 2 meals have already been provided.. plus it's good food lorx..

hairy crab!! muaahahaha..

and so.. late night mahjong again where i won once by luck.. hahas.. actually.. mahjong is much of a lucky game.. but oh well.. forgot 2 mention i won twice last night.. hahas..

hope the ppl back at s'pore are doing well.. especially those i am close to.. PAE registration closed today.. longkuan's a levels ended around 5 pm todae.. and yup.. hope everyone's well.. safe and sound..

so for the past 3 nights.. i have been the one staying up to write my entries while kkm sleeps.. lol.. oh well.. not blaming him but.. u know.. it's always nice to hav company.. oh well.. signing off now..

2nd heart breaking day in Hong Kong..

2007-11-20T23:59:00.000-08:00

well.. you guys won't actually believe whats the heart breaking thing that happened today.. that is for me to break the record of the number of things that i bought solely for myself in a day.. nvr in my entire life have i bought so many things for myself.. with nearly four hours of walking excluding time taken to get to different streets and travelling by MTR.. altogether we went to 3 different streets on our own today..

today began with a half day city tour that was part of the package.. it was $170 HK which was quite worth as it covered breakfast and lunch at 2 different restaurants.. breakfast was great but lunch... hahas.. nope.. not that good.. we were taken to Repulse Bay..

Fishing village where we also saw the giant floating Jumbo Seafood Restaurant.. ticket ride was $50 HK.. oh well..

we were then taken to Victoria Peak.. where we could see almost the entire view of the Hong Kong island.. took amny pictures of course.. but the most frustrating thing was that the tour guide actually tricked us by saying that the toilet at that peak was the most expensive toilet in HK or something liddat.. the five us actually believed and when we went to the toilet.. DANG!!

after lunch it was free and easy for us on our own and we went to walk at Apliu Street where all the electronic stuff were there.. Ladies' Market.. there was also the sportswear street but were too tired to walk anymore.. so we took a short cab journey back to our hotel.. resting for the rest of the night..

so altogether.. 2 belts.. 2 long sleeve shirts.. 2 short sleeve shirts.. 2 long sleeve tee shirts.. xin tong ahrs.. nvr pamper myself until so liddat before.. getting really tired now.. signing off!

1st day in Hong Kong!!

2007-11-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

well.. well.. lets recap for the past days events..

arrived at changi airport terminal one at around 8.30am.. i was the earliest.. well.. cos my father had to go to work so yeah.. waited for everyone else to come first before we checked in.. for nano kevin.. probably their first time taking plane.. so yeah.. it got everyone rather excited.. for me though.. it was my first time on cathay pacific and my first time in hong kong!

flight seemed alittle borring as i hav watched Transformers twice already.. and i spent most of the movie spoiling the movie for zhi chao cos i told him wat was gonna happen nxt.. dere wasn't much to do lars.. well.. the fish rice was rather nice.. although i don't really know why the chicken rice was the more favourite choice.. as when the air stewardess came to us.. she told us that there was only fish rice left..

touched down at HKIA at around 3pm plus.. and by the time we checked out of the airport and collected our luggages.. it was about 3.45pm already.. spent some time waiting for the tour guides to lead us to the bus where we will be dispatched to our respective hotels..

the hotel room was a real shocker.. i mean REAL... everyone was complaining and even i was stumped at the size of the room.. this was about all the room was.. excluding the toilet..

our room number..

the room..

the toilet..

even the size of the lobby.. just take a look at the following picture.. i'm already standing at the extreme corner of the lobbly ler arhs.. i believe u ppl can find the main entrance..

seriously pathetic.. a pity my 3 other friends had to squeeze into the same small room.. hai.. wif an extra bed of course..

we took MTR down to Tsim Sha Tsui where we met kkm's aunt who had a restaurant at harbour city.. WAHH!! we were treated to a big feast lars.. and all of us were really grateful to his aunt.. this is her restaurant.. with toothpicks provided below..

took a few pictures at the harbour.. the background of hongkong city.. yup.. rather nice.. and christmas deco too!

came back to our hotel area and spent some time at Temple Street where kkm bought a cuple of stuff which he wanted.. unfortunately.. for me.. i haven't actually bought anything yet.. oh well.. if u guys know me...

well.. so i guess the highlight of the day was the treat to the supremely sumptious food at kkm's aunt's restaurant.. it was totally amazing.. and cheers to kkm's aunt! hahas..

alr beginning to miss e ppl back dere.. gotta sleep now.. nitex..

6/1 '03 class chalet..

2007-11-16T23:49:00.000-08:00

delicious satays from the bbq!!

heya ppl!!! one lesson learnt.. don't stay up the whole night without a single minute of rest.. haha.. although the feeling's kinda cool.. it seriously ain't a joke..

met kkm at bedok to hav lunch..but due to some reasons he actually made me wait for lyk 45 min i think.. arnd dere.. but nvm..it's okay.. hahas.. and den we went to eat kfc and i tried for the first time their pepper meltz thingy..ya.. not bad lar.. but i told kkm dey quite smart.. cos they lyk use the banditto pocket layer.. popcorn chicken.. and the cheese fries cheese all fuse into one that thing lor.. so yup.. but still it was rather nice..

okay.. so we waited at tanah merah mrt station for the hourly shuttle bus to come.. and we didn't know the time slots for the bus to come.. so we ended up waiting half an hour for the bus to come.. so we played draw bridge while waiting for the bus to come..

arrived at the chalet at abt 3pm.. and we started playing a little bit of mahjong.. did a little preparation for the bbq before going to play pool and bowling.. wahh.. my pool lan dao.. dunno wat happened sia.. totally off form or smt.. and bowling.. still okay lar.. 3rd highest.. although all our scores werent that fantastic after all..lol..

den mrs sim came to donate some stuff for our bbq! yay.. hahas.. cheers to her.. and wif satay and stingray.. wahh.. our bbq pro liao ler lors.. so aft bowling we all started to prepare for the bbq.. guys start the fire while the girls open the food wrappings and stuff liddat.. and dey were having so much difficulty in opening the rice.. the wan that comes wif the satay.. and yar.. in the end.. after all the effort.. nobody actually ate it.. lol..

spent the whole night playing bridge and dai di.. and mahjong.. and time passed almost so fast.. it was already 6am in the morning.. lol! so we started boiling water and eat cup noodles for breakfast.. quite a no. of us also had to rush back to sch for PAE briefing marhs.. so in the end call cab into the chalet to bring us out to tanah merah mrt station.. actually no intention of staying overnight wan.. but thx to cy and hx.. and also kkm lar.. i somehow managed to convince my parents let me stay overnight.. so came home to bathe and change into sch u before leaving for sch again..

wahh..den super tired sia.. lyk walking zombie liddat.. fell asleep on the bus.. and yeah..totally mann.. struggled to keep my eyes open and pay attention to the briefing.. aft briefing we all go crash kkm's house.. muahaha.. den me and him ended up sleeping lol.. while nano fumbled wif his guitar and kevin wif his new psp.. so sleep sleep sleep.. slept until 3 sia.. den started to feel hungry so dey go down go buy packed food for me lors.. yay..thanx.. and yup.. def 3 hrs of sleep nt enough.. i so wanted to go back to sleep again.. played 1 more round of bridge.. before they actually left to go swimming while i made my way home.. so yup.. slept from 5 to 7 again.. and lol.. do i feel lyk a pig..

well.. just want to thank the ppl who organised the chalet for us.. who put in so much effort into planning lars.. but unfortunately.. response wasn't very good so inevitably they wld feel discouraged and tt it was a failure.. but nonetheless.. thanks to dee jee and hongyi! yupps.. looking forward to nxt year's chalet..

so.. i guess i'm getting on wif life.. and yeah.. leaving my past behind.. and learn to accept reality..

O's are OVER!!!!

2007-11-12T05:02:00.000-08:00

WELL.. the day that i have been waiting for.... for a very very long time.. now that it has really arrived.. gosh.. it doesn't even feel lyk it.. am i that emo? lol..

the very last paper ended around 4.30.. and then it was FREEDOM!!! MUAHAHA.. but then guess wat.. it didnt even feel lyk it.. we walked out of school.. and even spent a solid 5 minutes standing at our same spot.. (the spot we call the sang spot.. deciding what to do or where to go next).. for 5 solid minutes! can u beat that.. everyone else had actually left school.. but the 3 of us.. sighx... *shakes head..

we ended up going to tampines mall to go walk walk.. in the end we merely took the escalator up and after a few rounds around the mall.. we took the escalator down.. lol.. and thats all we did.. 1 fren had to leave for dinner at home while i intended to have dinner wif the other.. and we had it around 6 plus.. cos he said that he was hungry.. and okay lor..pei him go eat kfc.. den he went to order first.. and after which.. he started eating.. and i went to get my food.. and halfway through.. he actually told me he eat finish already he will zao.. and den i was lyk wth.. liddat lor.. crap sia.. den he tell me he dun wan to miss the 7pm show on channel 8... and lol!!! it struck me that him saying that he was hungry was actually crap.. lyk wa seh..this kinda ppl also hav.. and dere was i.. all alone.. eating at kfc.. because of him.. pang seh-er.. then took bus home and actually reached home before 7.30.. pro right.. last day of o levels leh!!! gosh.. i guess my way of celebrating it.. really thrashed other ppl... of course.. "thrashed"..

well.. it's over..yup.. but it's lyk mann!! what on earth am i doing.. staying at home.. but of course.. good luck to all bio peeps! hahas..

so this marks the end of the o levels.. and this also marks the beginning of a new phase in my life....

a big apology to everyone!!

2007-11-07T05:18:00.000-08:00

hey ppl.. really sorry.. i know i haven't been blogging for ages.. no wait.. decades.. no wait.. centuries.. or even milleniums.. but oh well.. i just haven been blogging.. can't actually believe i'm posting now.. woo hoo.. haha..

well... m feeling rather tired now.. especially after all that has happened.. if im not tired i must be mad.. first thing had geog mcq this morning.. fairly do-able.. but yeah.. messed up abit.. oh well.. no one's perfect i guess..

having been out of the blogging scene for so long.. i guess i really don't know what much to sae.. but yeah.. it's just that the past few months have beenr rather hectic.. struggling wif my own emotional struggles.. studies.. even landed myself into what they call the Enhanced Study Programme.. sighx.. but oh well.. i guess it really benefitted me.. in a way to be more disciplined and self-motivated towards my studies.. well.. just lyk what everyone else might say.. i mugged lyk i nvr mugged before.. hahas..

and 2 more papers left.. both on nxt monday.. and it's freedom.. freedom from the past 3 weeks.. past few months.. and perhaps even a year.. after all that i hv gone through... how i wish it cld be simply forgotten.. especially the emotions.. definitely i wun want to forget my studies.. haha.. but yeah.. it's nvr tat easy.. it's just lyk it has already become part of u.. a part of what u hv become.. and yup.. it will exist for as long as u live kinda thing..but sighx.. life's liddat..

im just thankful for those around me.. i believe many of u will agree wif me that it's ppl around u that keep u going.. keep u moving.. no one can make it through life on their own... life is all abt companionship..

am glad i started blogging again.. otherwise i may just lose touch frm it.. but yup.. signing off.. =)

slowly but surely.........

2007-06-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

slowly..but surely... our chapter ends.. OUR chapter.. our story.. our friendship fades......... im referring to friendship here.. and yar.. feeling crippled.. honestly..

i lost not only a friend.. someone to whom i felt extremely and remarkably close to.. but no matter how much i am going to sae.. it probably wouldnt make a difference to this someone.. im already non-existent.. to this someone.. and i want u ppl to know.. it's not that i am self-pitying myself.. it's not that i wun pick myself up.. but if u r crippled.. how do u pick urself up physically.. even emotionally and mentally.. it's tough.. extremely tough..

after reflecting and really thinking about it.. how much i want u to know.. that i really regret a few things that i did.... and.... i just rreally and honestly wish that everything cld just start all over again... i know that's impossible.. and lyk i mentioned.. it will never be the same again.. how i wish everyone out there knows that ur relationship with everyone else around u is very precious.. it's very fragile.. one wrong mistake and u might end up regretting for the rest of your life.. easy for u to sae.. that u wun commit any mistake.. but yeah.. how well do u treasure ur friendship with others...

regret is probably the most foolish thing on this earth.. lyk mentioned in yuan dian.. last episode on monday.. and yup.. it was so touching.. i nearly cried.. and in any case.. i did feel lyk crying.. with the song in the background.. and stuff.. everything jus rushed in emotionally... and i just can't help myself alright...

memories.. sometimes u wld wish to keep them.. sometimes u would not.. especially when they are unhappy ones..

//.. the frailty of myself .. //

my last words to u..

2007-06-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

right here.. i'll write my last words to u.. im not gonna do it through sms.. im not gonna do it through email... for if i do it through sms.. u might not receive it.. for if i do it through email.. u might not receive it as well..

well.. of the many many calls i made to u.. or u made to me.. it was always good to know that u were talking to me.. or i was talking to u... to someone whom i cannot fully describe the way i feel towards.. i just dunno how to xplain it either.. all i know.. it's deep.. it's remarkable closeness.. and a way which i nvr felt for anyone before.. i just dunno how to carry on the rest of this letter..........................................

i know.. all these while.. i hav probably caused u alot of irritation.. annoyance.. and i really hope u'll forgive me.. but i just know that i hav to talk to u.. i hav alot of things to iron out with u.. and i want to know u for the rest of my life.. to me.. our friendship.. our relationship... is special.. unique.. and different as compared to others.. and right now... as everything.. turns out this way.. i never expected it.. NEVER.. but expect the unexpected?

the times.. the past.. everything.. when we went to the beach together.. helping u with ur homework.. polishing of boots.. our first movie together.. watching the fireworks.. well.. im really sry.. i dun even hav any exact intention of reminding u of them..

well.. u r going for camp tmr.. and.. i just wanted to say alot more stuff to u.. didnt xpect u to be sleeping.. but nvm.. i guess this is the only way i can communicate wif u frm now on? not even frm now on.. but for the last time... even if im not gonna hear a single word of reply frm u.. i really pray that God will watch over u.. u'll take good care of urself.. be able to sleep well.. eat well.. nth bad happens to u.. be in good health.. throughout the camp.. and also even for the rest of the days of ur life..

u can't believe i mentioned severing of ties.. well.. i can't believe myself either.. but i honestly think we are going nowhere.. and i can't take all this treatment frm u.. i can't wait? i dun think it's a matter abt waiting.. neither izzit abt the after o levels.. den we cld revert back to normal.. but it's about our friendship.. our kor-mei relationship frm now until our o levels.. it's the friendship that wld take us through frm now until my o levels finish.. u said i don't mean it? i wan u to know.. that i don't mean it as a threat.. but more so for u to know and perhaps understand smt.. well.. but i think all that is not important now.. im really sry for the way things have turned out.. i didnt want things to turn out this way.. i even thot we cld be in close relations with each other forever or smt.. but im wrong..

lyk i told u.. i really want to hear things frm ur side.. i want to know wat u r thinking.. wat u r feeling.. and u wldn't even tell me.. being so certain that i wldnt understand.. but im more than happy enough to hear u tell me all these alright.. cos i wan 2take into consideration u.. EVERYTHING frm u.. but u wun allow me to........... i dun blame u.. perhaps i tried too hard.. i tried too much..

i've nvr wanted to blame u.... i admit.. there were countless.. no. of times where i did alot of things to u.. be it hanging up on u.. dao-ing u.. and everything else.. but right before u go for camp.. u hang up on me.. i really can't see otherwise.. i just want u to know that ALL THESE daoing.. hanging up on u.. i never meant it.. I NEVER WANTED TO MEAN IT frm the bottom of my heart.. i admit.. i did all these things in a bid to get back at u.. to make u feel wat it's lyk whatsoever.. but i've come to realise.. that all these are not gonna improve things but instead make things worse.. so i really want u to know that im really really sorry..... for all the bad things i hav done.. and that includes breaking ur trust........... by doing wat u nvr expected me to do.. i know.. perhaps.. once trust is broken.. it will be very hard to earn it back again.. and start trusting again... and i can't blame u..... perhaps this is wat i deserve..

even if u r not gonna be reading this.. i somehow just still wanna sae.. that take care.. may God's divine protection be upon u always.. and may he protect u frm all evil.. if u were to ask me.. why i keep mentioning God to u.. well.. it's because i want u to know..that it is He who really helps me out in times of need.. when i was in one of my darkest moments in my life so far.. it was he who showed me the light at the end of the tunnel.. and he who was beside me all this while.. and i want to introduce Him.. to you.. that u may know him better and better.. each day and eventually walk in the footsteps of him..

finally.. when i look into ur face... for the past few times i met u.. i really find myself speechles.. probably because i feel as though i hav so much to sae to u.. but yet i really dunno where to begin.. and i know u wun lyk me talking to u in tt manner too.. i find myself wanting to hug u.. so much.. and hug u closely..tightly.. but i keep suppressing it.. down into my heart.. cos of many many many reasons.. and i believe u wld know some of them.. u r just special to me alright.. you are special... to me.............................................

sry for ALL that has happened.. and i hope u'll treat the past year plus as nth at all ritex.. and yar.. take extremely good care of urself......... eat.. dun skip ur meals especially ur lunches.. pls.... im walking away now......... dun turn around for me alright.. keep ur back facing me and move on with life.. don't let me get into ur way.... big big things await u.. and u definitely can do without me in ur life.. hope to see u make it big in the future.......

GOD'S RICHEST BLESSINGS BE UPON YOU.............

a time of loneliness that i have to face alone... everyone has left me..

2007-05-28T08:02:00.000-07:00

well.. i really honestly want to declare out loud.. and perhaps tell everyone else on this planet.. and maybe other planets as well.. im the biggest loser.. the most screwed up guy around anywhere in this universe.. galaxy, milky way.. etc..

first reason.. i went back to school.. practically becos i had nth better to do.. can u beat that? who can be such a person lyk me? really.. i actually had a choice to do smt else.. but yea..didnt want to.. it wld hv been window-shopping.. and im not much of that shopping sort.. yar.. anyway..i am glad i dint go cos kkm said it's lyk his legs nearly broke and yar.. i think i wldnt be able to hold out as much as them.. so yar..went back to sch.. and ended up seeing so many other sec4 prefects.. it hoenstly wasnt planned to meet at all.. and nearly the entire exco was there.. yup.. actually primary purpose was to study.. and yup..ended up studying in the sch canteen which was pathetic.. and not much came out of it.. played soccer after 3 hrs of studying.. and basketball..jus to unwind abit..after which we left for home together..

second reason.. i find myself so caught up with things.. as in letting them affect me so much.. WHY!!! people have already gone on ahead wif life.. why am i the only wan still holding on.. still reaching out.. to smt that is going further and further away frm u.. which is practically.. stupid? ridiculous? honestly mann.. wats wrong wif me.. can someone tell me? i so badly wanna study psychology now.. so tt i know why am i thinking liddat now.. sighx..

but it was a special saturday for me.. two days ago.. yup.. it was farewell for our exco.. 06/07.. it was kinda saddening.. as in yar.. sad.. but they made it quite nice.. quite cheerful..light and hearty atmosphere.. which really didn't make me think abt the sad part much.. and yup..it was first the ceremony.. during the ceremony.. it was rather cool.. seating arrangement and all.. exchanging of gifts.. seats and removing of the ties.. tat part.. was a bit yeah.. direct.. but nonetheless.. the sec4s amongst ourselves we had fun telling each other how much better we look without our ties.. perhaps we are just used to seeing each other without our ties on.. yeah.. and after which was reception.. fruit punch was good.. took plenty of pictures.. and yea.. taupok-ing one another.. hai.. after ceremony.. most of us went to play soccer.. at the tennis court..den change to field.. den change to basketball court.. all of which were cool sia.. the sec4s teamed up and played against the rest.. outnumbered lyk siao but still managed to win.. haha.. tt was at the field and tennis court.. and when we were at the bb court.. we played league.. again the sec4s teamed up.. and played against two other teams in lyk knockout liddat lar.. and we kept winning them.. until we won 7 matches in a row.. and haha.. yup..at the end of everything.. exhausted.. dinner was extremely good.. at sakura international buffet restaurant.. good food sia.. and a really eye-opener for me.. and so..after dinner.. we went to play arcade.. abit..i didnt play lar.. u know.. im not an arcade kinda person.. after that we made our way back to sch.. but i went somewhere else.. after which i met the remaining sec4s who were staying overnight at marine cove the bowling centre there.. and we bowled until 2.30am sia.. cool right..and we ran into 2 police cars.. one of which the guy inside kept staring at us when he drove past us very slowly in the marine cove carpark.. and since no transport.. we had to walk all the way back to sch.. which lasted for lyk 45 mins.. and yar..by the time we got back to sch..we were all sweaty.. somehow the main gate wasn locked..and so we entered through there.. ended up sleeping only at 6.30 am sia.. and i woke up at 8 preparing to leave..and my father came to pick me up..
generally.. i jus wanna thank the exco of VSPB 07/08 for the great farewell.. good food.. good video montage.. and all.. yup..thanks for all the gifts.. from bingyu, sec2s, sec3s, wilnard and yang en.. thanks to those who had a part to play in this entire farewell.. thank you guys..

nonetheless.. switching back to reality.. i am the most screwed up person arnd.. anyone who can prove me wrong pls approach me..

snap back to reality.. and im facing loneliness all ALONE..

exams are over....

2007-05-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

okay..exams are over..and den? nth much.. its lyk probably a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders.. and yar..much lighter now..but thats about all..

well..still can rmb vividly last week.. on saturday.. coming home from mother's day dinner.. we had it at some SRCC.. yar..at changi dat side.. and den after that we went to IKEA drink free coffee.. cool sia.. i drank tea though..it was shiok.. and so yar..after that came home at around 10 plus.. and after coming out of the lift lobby..we were making quite abit of noise lar.. and den when we got to our door.. and my mother opened the gate.. i somehow turned to the right.. and i saw this couple sitting down at the stairs.. between the 8th and the 9th floor.. dey werent doing anything.. dey jus sat dere and yar.. talked to each other.. i got a bit of a shock..and i was also wondering.. "why out of all blocks they choose our block? " and also.. "why out of all floors they choose this floor?" i got abit into the thinking mode.. and yar.. moreover i was thinking abt her.. and..yar..it jus suddenly became so evident into my mind.. tt she's still outside..not replying my smses or picking up my calls.. oh well.. okay.. jus keep this thingy in mind..

couldnt get to sleep even 2 hrs later.. probably because of the tea that i drank or smt.. or was it because i was too worried for her.. sighx.. in any case..it was already sunday early morning at around 12.30am..and i was apparently so worried for someone who still havent gotten home yet.. and kept ignoring my calls.. but i guess thats wat i get in return for wat i did.. my retribution.. so i stayed up until arnd 1.30..if im not wrong.. yup.. spent my time disturbing someone.. oh u know hu u r.. and den yar..the cordless phone was spoilt also..and so i felt so confined.. to just tat particular spot at my study room.. and so looking aimlessly out of the window.. i saw this couple.. at the roof of the public carpark that my block is facing.. they were seated on a small ledge near the staircase.. and yar.. they were making out alright.. somehow quite prominently.. although the lamps of the carpark were dimly lit.. and yar..wat u xpect me to do.. i of course look out of the window lar.. talking over the phone so sianly.. and yar..nth else better to do.. so yar..just stare at the couple lor..i believe they were around our age.. so yar..nvm.. and den jus kept looking at looking.. they were lyk kissing each other for over 5 minutes now.. and i was thinking to myself.. wa seh..hiong sia.. in public somemore.. they must be thinking tat at this hour no one will be watching.. but they are so awfully wrong.. haha!! so just kept noticing.. and soon enough.. the girl..got down frm the guy's lap.. very slowly.. and they both stood up still very slowly.. kissing still alright..mind u.. and both of them slowly fell over behind the pillar.. and i mean fell over.. down to the ground.. and tt was where i lost sight of dem.. but im kinda thankful i lost sight of them.. cos yar.. GOD knows wat they were doing.. i believe u guys can also guess lar.. and so.. yar.. this incident really made me think abt wat this world is becoming to.. wat this world will become into.. and wat this world will become eventually.. mann..

looking at all of that.. and thinking about her.. it jus really makes me cannot sleep.. and yar..not picking up my calls.. not replying my smses.. i jus couldnt feel easy.. oh well.. and arnd 1.30am.. i cldnt disturb tt person anymore.. so i jus yar..hung up lor..i laid awake on my bed.. and prayed.. until gradually and very slowly.. i fell asleep somehow..

woke up the nxt morning feeling terribly awful.. but wat to do..my life's lyk that.. and yar.. had to go to church still..hav exams the nxt day.. and wah..im lyk so slack.. but it has been one week already.. and exams are finally over.. not much of a great satisfaction as i was describing but yar..at least we can relax now.. poof...

have been really putting down alot of big things lately.. huge.. prominent things in my life.. and i all of a sudden feel so empty.. loneliness? not exactly.. emptiness? perhaps.. i don't know how to face u anymore.. i don't know how to talk to u anymore.. i don't know EVERYTHING.. abt u..regarding u.. anymore.. alright..

totally drained..

i never felt so screwed up ever before.. in my entire life..

2007-05-11T22:52:00.000-07:00

i never felt so screwed up in my entire life.. so mixed up.. so messed up...

i really dunno.. why is all this happening.. alright.. how u actually managed to abandon me just lyk that.. turn ur back on me.. and actually forget about literally everything that has happened over the past 1 year.. lets not talk about ur side..cos i dun even know.. but let me tell u.. everything from my point in view.. alright..

to me.. the past 1 year has really been a memorable one for me.. getting to know u and stuff lyk that.. i can still vividly rmb the days when we first knew each other.. the days when we first started talking to each other.. through msn or through the phone.. so on and forth.. and everything else.. especially the more memorable occasions.. be it watching my first movie with u.. or going to watch the fireworks during the national day period with u.. to me.. all these had left a big impact on me.. a huge imprint on me.. that i doubt i can ever erase it off.. not just by the click of ur handphone and ur messages get deleted.. neither by the click of the mouse do u delete ur email..

i somehow or rather started feelings this very deep sense of closeness towards u.. i just felt so whole-heartedly giving my all in whichever point in time of our friendship.. whatever i cld provide.. i wld.. whatever i could give.. i would also do the same.. NEVER in the course of our friendship did i think that things between us would end up in this state.. i honestly thought we could be close forever.. we could knew each other so well forever.. we cld be so honest with each other forever.. but it was all wishful thinking on my part.. i never felt this way for any other person before.. the wide and deepest feelings i ever gave.. the most serious i have ever become..

i want u to know that up till this very point in time.. im feeling so heart broken inside.. so sad.. so miserable and really hurt.. the intensity of it all cannot be described.. up till this very point in time.. i want to accept the way things are coming to me.. i want to accept the way things have become.. i want to accept the way u are treating me now.. which is simply worlds apart as compared to last time..

im sorry.. for vexing u up on so many occasions the past month.. that has probably even led u to start this cold treatment towards me.. im really sorry and i hope u will forgive me.. and not take it to heart..

even now as i really dun wish to do this.. i know.. that this is where everything ends.. closest people for each other.. confidants, kor and xiaomei, fair weather friends.. friends.. and acquaintances.. everything ends.. i can't believe.. everything i did.. in the past 1 year.. up into thin air.. im bidding u farewell.. and really honestly.. i wish u 2 all the best in ur time together.. u hav my richest blessings.. hope u 2 will be able to find joy in each other.. and be happy throughout everything..

lastly.. take good care of urself.. it really hurts as im saying all these.. becos i never thought that this wld happen.. u might even have nth to sae after reading this post but let that be.. i said everything i cld.. u might hav probably clsoed everything regarding me on ur side.. but on mine.. i haven't.. and it will take time for me to.. so as i was saying.. take extremely good care of urself.. the most impt thing.. ur christian faith.. ur trust in God.. alright.. walk close to God and he will walk close to u.. i suppose u don' t need me in ur life anymore.. or u might not even want me in ur life anymore.. let that be.. alright.. things have come to a point where i really am so speechless and stuff lyk that.. im all alone now...but that won't matter to anyone..

*i want u to know.. up till this very moment.. i want to forgive.. YOU.. for everything that has happened.. for everything that u hav done..yup..it's not ur fault.. but i wanna forgive u.. i really want to.. and i hope that God through his grace and mercy grant me the wisdom and strength to overcome this psychological barrier that has been within me ever since..

Take care.. God bless YOU and ur family with his richest blessings FOREVER...

thoughts about life.. thoughts about me..

2007-04-13T23:35:00.000-07:00

well..it has really been some time since i last blogged... lyk one month already.. haha.. and yup.. looking back.. it has really been one month.. yar..bdae and all.. oh well..
firstly.. i just wonder.. why is my life so screwed up.. izzit smt abt myself that im not aware of.. and even wif ppl telling me i just can't seem to see whats wrong with it? or izzit this world that we live in that is so corrupted and yar..screwed up.. i guess both isnt it.. then again.. life is never fair.. it was NEVER fair..
someone whom u thot cld be a very very good friend to u.. having so many things in common and stuff lyk that.. it really made it seem as though it was going to be a perfect friendship.. and i guess i was the one that screwed it up.. but somehow or rather.. i feel as though an explanation is needed... im just silenced.. why.. u walked away without even telling me in advance..perhaps u did.. but i didnt believe it wld go to that extent.. it's jus lyk smt taken away frm u isn't it.. without even knowing why... it really hurts..
having fewer and fewer ppl to talk to..by the days.. and fewer and fewer ppl closer to u by the days.. is this an indication that i shld start fully concentrating on my work? but where wld be the ppl whom i want to talk to when i just want to unwind and chill off abit.. where wld they be when i just need someone to talk to.. well.. everyone alright..everyone's drifting away.. even the ppl whom i thought i was close to.. or at least close enough to.. they are all jus giving me cold shoulders.. hais...
i just thank God for having a really really good friend..even i dun talk to him really often... but i feel his passion for God.. i am inspired by his words at times.. and every other thing else.. he's there to just hear me out.. and he wld always give me thots and ideas on how he thinks i'll be able to solve my problems.. i guess it's the psychological barrier that i have to break through..
i really pray.. that God will work through me.. to give me renewed strength and wisdom everydae.. and the courage for me to face everything that comes my way.. giving me a new outlook in my life and taking things with a happier and positive attitude..

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

smile more ppl!!!!!! for u will bring abt smiles on the faces of others..

more ppl making my bdae a bdae..

2007-03-12T22:52:00.000-07:00

well.. thankx to bing yu, wei en and yu juan too.. for wishing me a happy birthdae.. yup.. special thankx to wei en, kangming, daniel and kevin.. for the wonderful present.. quite expensive right guys.. told u all dun hv to go to tt expense le lors.. hais.. well.. here's the picture of it.. yup.. a basketball.. finally i hav a "real" proper basketball ler.. thankx to u guys!!

and then here's the picture of bennett's present to me.. the pig named ashley!

very very cute ritex.. hahas.. thats why i sae chaojiwudi cute.. anyways.. well.. thats lyk probably one of the most memorable presents ever.. yup.. reallly nice..

oh well.. but still.. there's some stuff bothering me.. and they look set to bother me for the rest of my life or smt.. or until someone changes the fate of it all.. sighx..

any other ordinary day?

2007-03-11T23:35:00.000-07:00

was it just another ordinary day for me? well.. in some ways yea..but in some ways.. not.. interestingly... this is my 99th post for my blog.. what a way to celebrate todae..

well..woke up at around 8am in the morning todae.. refusing to budge cos the whole of yesterday nvr sleep at all.. was in camp.. and yeah..just didn't wanna sleep.. afterall.. it was sec1 camp.. and it was a great time for us to bond amongst the sec4s.. through the night.. through the morning.. it was cool.. playing bridge frm lyk 2am to 3.30am.. den a grp of them came back frm outside..cos dey went out to buy food for us..and dey ate dere also lars.. wah.. dey walk all the way to parkway lars..luckily i didnt follow them.. den eat until arnd 4... went to play bb and soccer.. until arnd 5.30.. den after that we all just rested.. until it was time for the sec1s to wake up.. and den the day carried on.. oops..i digressed too much..

so yea.. i just refused to budge..until lyk 15 min later.. den i dragged myself out of bed.. the only time i slept after i came home was frm 3.30 in the afternoon till around 6 plus.. 3 hrs of sleep.. nt bad.. shuang.. but nt shuang enough.. had dinner with my godparents and family.. received a few red packets frm dem and a present frm my god-nieces.. haha.. only 3 years old lars..and dey so cute somemore.. twins larhs.. yea.. chaojiwudi cute.. den we went to walk around..across the kallang river using the tanjong rhu bridge.. the scenery was very nice.. and we took many many pictures.. it was a rather meaningful night..

although the last part of the night wasnt a really happy wan for me.. what can i do.. i'm fated to be lyk this all my life or smt.. having a sense of unhappiness forvever inside of me.. perhaps one day it will just trigger off.. and yea..u might not find me anywhere anymore..

well..that was saturday.. on sunday.. as i was saying..woke up at 8am.. and was surprised to see 3 messages and a missed call.. but nonetheless dey cheered me up a little bit.. and so went off to church.. my friends wished me happy birthdae...very much appreciated guys.. dey even wanted to sing a happy bdae song very loudly lars..wanting to embarrass me..but dey decided not to..cos we were in the sanctuary.. went out to hav lunch with our AG grp at a nearby coffee shop.. and after which we all went home.. after bathing.. slumped down into my bed..and slept for another 3 hrs again todae.. until arnd 6.30.. yup.. went dinner at my ah ma's house as usual.. it was at this time that xuanyi smsed me.. and yup.. i finally am sure tt i hv a didi ler.. thats one thing im happy abt.. although i dunno why i m unable to express it on my face..but thankx alot xuanyi.. we cut a cake to celebrate my bdae.. and haha..smt very funny happened.. while dey were singing the bdae song for me.. my 4 yr old cousin was coughing away.. and halfway in the middle of the song.. he actually vomitted! hahas.. lol..i was lyk.. err..okay....

thats why i said...todae is just lyk any other ordinary dae.. in some ways and in not some ways.. nonetheless.. i still wanna thank those who rmbed me and my bdae.. in no order of merit ya ppl.. deborah, peiyun meimei, skye, kangming, kevin, chin yi, mu en, xuanyi didi.. bennett, long kuan and lim min.. special thankx to bennett for the piggy.. hahas..its name is ashley and yea.. really cute.. it looks puffed up and yea..has a small curly wurly tail behind.. appreciate it very much..thanks.. thankx to u guys.. all those i mentioned.. it was u ppl that made my bdae a bdae..

although i somehow or rather want someone else to be in the list of ppl i mentioned above.. i know.. its probably impossible to let her noe abt it.. dere was a chance to let her know my bdae.. but i didn't..and now..tt chance is taken away frm me.. not only the chance to tell her when my bdae is.. but also probably to ever be friends again.. nt that i want her to wish me.. or give me any present..i just want her to know.. but now..it is kinda impossible.. it is possible..but it will be pointless isn't it.. moreover.. i know when her bdae is...but as a matter of fact.. i found out abt 1-2 weeks ago..tt the date that i knew it was her bdae was not her actual bdae.. and so..now i cannot even be sure when her real bdae is.. oh well.. what else can i do..but sigh..

everything happens for a purpose.. but how are u gonna cope with it when it is being kept frm u?

~.......happy birthday timothy.......~

interesting events hv been happening lately..

2007-03-01T22:11:00.000-08:00

well.. jus came back from skittleball competition organised by yio chu kang secondary school.. in ang mo kio.. totally shack and worn out.. lol.. run here run dere.. jump here jump dere.. shout here shout dere.. hai..
if not for nano i wouldn hav actually come online now lars.. which also means that i wouldn't be typing this post now.. yeah.. well.. he wanted me to send him smt immediately once i got home.. so yeah.. sighx..
well.. the skittleball competition was rather fun.. it jus started to become even more fun when we started getting the hang of it.. yeah.. learning all the various tactics and stuff lyk that.. we won most of our games.. we lost 1.. abit lyk thrashing lar.. but nvm.. its over.. and we drew one also.. due to time constraint.. so yea.. but in the end this game was not counted as this game was the last game of the entire competition for us.. a win wld score us 3 points.. draw 2 points and loss no points..
so after all the games were played.. everyone gathered to listen to the results.. we were so happy when it was announced that we won first.. although in our hearts we somehow knew that somewhere smt was not right.. afterall there was another sch that won every match that they played and so dey shld actually be the one getting the first plac.e.. just as everyone was leaving after the results were released, Mayflower Sec appealed to the officers to check the scores again and yea.. true enough.. we werent supposed to get first.. and so we had to exchange our trophies.. oh well.. what to do.. what is meant to be yours will be yours.. but since it isn't.. so well.. yup.. lets just accept it.. its how we play the game.. and not the outcome of it..
went for dinner at a nearby coffee shop.. the hor fun and fried rice was really nice.. yea.. and so as we were making our way back to ang mo kio mrt station, we bumped into our friends frm Manjusri again... we met at yio chu kang sec.. we met on the playing field.. and we met them again just outside the mrt.. and so we travelled together..
nvr knew that the guy frm Manjusri that was with us stayed so near me.. and so we alighted at the same station and he even called me as we were walking down the stairs.. i expected to be the only wan alighting at Eunos Mrt marhs.. den he actually said loudly "don't so lonely lehs.." den i turned out and looked.. yea..it was him lors.. and den we started talking...
even ended up giving him a lift home cos my father decided to come fetch me.. and yup.. in the process.. i made a new friend.. just lyk that.. haha.. cool huh..
i have been wanting to blog abt smt that happened last week.. last friday.. well.. me and my friend were crossing the road.. at the pedestrian crossing.. and we saw this frog/toad (whatever it is) hopping and hopping.. well.. he looked so poor thing lar.. cos he was at the same time using the exact same pedestrian crossing as us.. well.. we were at the central divider and Kevin wanted to pick him up.. i stopped him and told him that there was 6 seconds left before the red man would be lighted up.. so we hurriedly crossed over.. and dere we stood at the other end of the road.. looking out for wat might happen to the frog.. we cld still see him hopping and hopping.. a car missed him.... a taxi missed him.. the front wheels of a bus missed him.. but yea.. the back wheels didn't..
well.. you shld have seen both our reactions.. we were lyk "oh!! OH! !!!" and even i was covering my ears and eyes.. cos well.. u see.. when the frog was run over, there was this loud "piak" sound.. just lyk a super loud snap.. and well.. if u can imagine this.. i pictured in my mind that the frog "exploded" lars.. and that his organs were forced out of him.. and i felt really pitiful for him.. and guess wat my friend did.. he blamed me lars.. for stopping him from picking up the frog.. for if he did.. the frog wouldn't have ended up in this state..
this incident really made me think.. how sudden one's life can be taken away.. we honestly need to treasure our lives and maximise it to its fullest.. if God wants to... he'll just take it away from you and there's NOTHING you can do about it..
even till now.. im having images of it appearing in my mind.. and i really feel sad.. sighx.. ppl.. do treasure your life alright..
okay.. gotta go offline already.. still got some stuff to do before i turn in.. so yup..
signing off....................

sick of life?

2007-02-20T12:56:00.000-08:00

okay.. everything is jus caving down on me isn't it.. everything is just wanting to make me fall.. as if school is not enough.. external pressures.. everything else.. why.. someone tell me why is my life lyk tat...
u know.. i really am sorry for all those people who know me.. who have been trying to cheer me up and things lyk tat? i wonder if u guys ever regret knowing such a guy lyk me.. cos...yea.. i agree wif someone.. that i am a screw up life.. i have a screwd up life..
i mean how dumb can i get.. i was supposed to rmb smt.. by sunday night 7pm at least.. but i didn't.. i was supposed to remember to do the CHEMISTRY TEST!!! and guess when did i even remember it.. when did i rmb it... todae! just about 2 hrs ago! im lyk worshipping myself already..amazed at my wonderful memory.. lol.. not funny..
even as im typing this now.. i am lyk pressing on the keys so heavily.. maybe i can even hear them screaming in pain.. especially the enter key lar.. yea.. ok..im really mad now..
honestly.. just whats wrong wif me.. why is my life wanting lyk that.. im on the verge of giving up already alright.. as in yea.. how many times have i seriously thought about suicide.. for the past 1 month? abt 3 times.. alright..3 times.. be it going to the kitchen and getting a knife.. or opening the window grilles of my room and u know.. enjoying a cable-less flying fox down 9 storeys..
going back to school again tmr.. ha.. gonna literally drag myself again or smt..

i wonder if u are ever EVER gonna talk to me again? this question was NEVER and i mean never.. meant to spite u..

fading away...

2007-01-19T21:38:00.000-08:00

well.. i honestly dunno wats wrong wif my life.. why is everyone shooing away or smt..

todae just finished both a chem and physics test.. wahh..siao liao lar..sit down dere stress and stress.. dun expect myself to do too well.. sighx.. since when did i ever expect myself to do well.. lol.. anyways.. yea.. what a week in school.. and dun u ppl think that u keep looking forward to weekends be it in the start, middle or end of the week? its lyk i really dunno why lars.. perhaps im just tired of life..

pressure..pressure and more pressure.. i just dunno how to xplain it..its smt that cannot be explained.. and its really frustrating when both sides of the pressure just seem to be acting on u hard and hard on u.. and u being the guy in the middle.. hv nth to do about it.. u try to counter 1 side of the pressure.. the other side will come down even harder on u.. and I know.. okay.. I KNOW.. that i can't handle both sides of the pressure..

besides pressures and pressures.. there are thoughts that are going on in my mind as well.. racing through my brain.. i really cant take it anymore? why..why does my life have to be lyk this.. tell me.. is ur life lyk this? no right.. so WHY IS MY LIFE LYK THIS?

why is it that more ppl and more ppl keep dao-ing me.. and i mean dao-ing.. just wat did i do tt i deserve this kinda treatment.. i probably know a few lars.. or rather i do know some.. but wat else can i do besides apologising and apologising.. there's nth else i can do...if u want things between us to be this way.. i really can't do anything about it is it?

i really feel helpless alright..HELPLESS..

long time no blog...

2007-01-05T22:04:00.000-08:00

woah..has been nearly a month now since i last blogged.. has been busy..camp.. sec1 registration, orientation.. poof.. nearly no breathing space lors.. hais.. even now as schools have opened again.. its lyk yea..the lazy feeling creeping into u again.. and as usual... holiday homework left hanging out of nowhere.. cannot be bothered to lift a finger.. lol.. oh well..
anyways.. just how have u guys been... i really havent been that good.. yeah.. things keep putting me down.. problems keep putting me off and everything's making me miserable.. some ppl ask me why i in school most of the time always wear a sad face to sch de.. and i don't even know how to ans them...
its as though im alone u noe.. although u hv ppl around u to care for u.. but its not as though dey even know a little bit of how u r feeling.. no one to actually properly and honestly relate to.. and sometimes.. i just feel lyk im gonna break down any time.. its just waiting to break.. honestly.. just hope u guys don't be lyk me..
this year is lyk gonna be so stressful.. everything is gonna be so stressful.. and guess wat.. every teacher that step into our class for the first time this year to start lesson hors.. will talk about o levels and prelims de lors.. is lyk they gang on us liddat.. making us feel pressured.. worried.. nervous.. and obviously.. we can't remain calm and listen to teacher after teacher reminding us of how old we are and what could be one of the most major exams in ur life..
well.. wished someone happy new year..but that someone lyk dun even know who m i.. abit disappointing lars.. especially when i considered her to be one of the closer ppl to me.. maybe there was jus some problems? forgot my no.? oh well..
and then there's another who's still on my mind.. but yet its as though im not supposed to say anything about it.. but i can't help but think yea.. i mean..what.. if u dun even know how im feeling.. den dun assume u know how im feeling... the last time u talked to me.. u told me some stuff.. but yet now..it seems as though all those stuff u told me on the last night u talked to me wasnt true at all..cos of the way u r treating me now...
a new year.. a new beginning... but will it end properly? nicely? i doubt..

nearly the last day..

2006-12-03T22:53:00.000-08:00

whoa..blisters still hurt.. hai..

woke up at the usual time again today.. by the usual method.. our father using his room phone to call our room phone.. well at least we were looking forward to breakfast..so we got our butts moving..

food for breakfast was slightly different.. just a little minor changes here and dere.. managed to eat abit more today.. afterall we would be going down to Malacca.. so yea.. had to eat more..

we left the memorable Grand Blue Wave Hotel at around 10.30am..exited the exit of malacca at around 12.30..had abit of trouble finding the Equatorial Hotel.. but as usual.. we found our way around without a map and reached the hotel at about 1.30pm.. checked in but our rooms werent' ready yet.. so we decided to go check out Jonker Street.. my mother's favourite place in Malacca.. hai.. she kept pestering us to eat the teochew restuarant.. that we have eaten before the last time we came here..and so.. we gave in to her lorr.. when we arrived at the backlane restaurant.. we were actually shoo-ed away larhs.. asked us to come back at 6.30pm.. and the chef had injured his arm.. so dey closed slightly earlier for their lunch break.. we walked away disappointed.. and yet my mom was still having thoughts of coming back again at dinner time.. poof..

so we went to the famous chicken rice ball to eat lunch.. we didnt eat the rice ball though.. we just ate the normal rice.. and so after lunch my mother went to her what i guess is her favourite batik shop there.. and when she went in.. she said to the shopkeeper... "hi! u still rmb me or not?"both me and my sis were lyk laughing away lar.. expect the shopkeeper to rmb her larhs.. but rmbed her a little bit the shopkeeper did..

by the time we went back to our hotel it was already 4.30pm or smt.. both me and my sis watched the Hunchback of Notredame cartoon on tv.. hahas.. and after that we switched to the James Bond movie.. that wan was the Michelle Yeoh wan.. and so by the time everything ended.. it was already 6 plus and my parents had already slept and woke up liao.. so they were ready to go out for dinner.. oh well.. it's okay..

so we went back to the Teochew restaurant again.. and guess what.. just becos they had full seating liao right dey didn wanna entertain us lar.. asked us to come back again tmr.. den oso say mus make reservation.. den when we came earlier in the afternoon he nvr tell us mus reserve if not we wld have reserved liao le ritex.. grr... somemore that guy so dao.. wa lao lars..

so in the end we walked back out of the street.. finally i got a torchlight of my own! whee! hahas.. anywaes.. so we went to a restaurant that we went to before called Ole Sayang Nonya restaurant where got nonya food.. yea..my mom's favourite.. den end up cannot pay by credit card cos the machine spoil.. hai.. lousy lars.. so anywae.. paid by cash lors..

nxt..we went to the nearby shopping mall.. rather new.. newly opened lors.. got alot of nice shops.. yea.. so we did some shopping.. shop...shop...shop... i hate shopping... :(

by the time we came back to e hotel around 10.30pm already... time to bathe and wash up lorx... get ready to sleep... zzzz...

tmr heading back to sing le... yay! hahaz...

sighx...sian..

2006-12-02T23:48:00.000-08:00

second way overseas.. well.. it was pretty ok..

woke up at 7 plus today.. hai.. wanna sleep longer also cannot.. went down for breakfast..at around 8.. breakfast was rather nice..yea.. good food.. came up back to our hotel room at around 9 to prepare to leave for Sunway Lagoon on the hotel's shuttle bus at 10..turned out that we were the only family that took the bus lars.. and we were also the only family taking the bus back..

arrived at sunway before 10.30am.. yea..rather short ride.. went to the wet park first then to the dry wan.. rather lazy to describe everything that went on inside there so ya.. we left the lagoon at around 2 plus.. went to look for lunch at the mall..settled in for pizza hut.. i liked the fizzy jelly drink.. very very nice.. got jelly at the bottom some more.. yummu.. =)

okay.. after that me and my sis went ice skating.. rather fun larhx.. but what made it not so fun was the skates that i was wearing.. caused blister on my leg larhx.. hai.. dunno why my sister also dun have that problem..

tried isqueez and igallop that were being promoted along the isles of the shopping mall.. the isqueez was good but the igallop.. uh..haha..

reached back in the hotel at 10 plus i think.. all tired and everything.. yea.. so went to clean up and prepare to sleep lorx.. okay.. i guess thats about all..

tmr going down to Malacca.. May God grant us safe journey mercies..

first day in malaysia

2006-12-01T23:30:00.000-08:00

well..okay.. we woke up before 7... and when we left house.. it was already 8am.. it wasnt a very long wait.. for us to clear checkpoints on both Singapore and Malaysia sides.. yea..so we headed for the North South highway.. It was already 1am by the time we arrived at the hotel and mann.. it wasn't that easy to find afterall. well.. we passed by a really grand mosque.. and here's a picture of it..

well.. we were really tired and hungry so we settled lunch at a restaurant in the hotel.. okay.. so when we ordered our food.. the waiter gave us some light sauce and what my parents would usually do was to ask for some green chilli. and they would soak the green chilli in it lorx.. and so they did that.. somehow.. the waiter came again and he said to us, "excuse me, that's illgeal."and i was taken aback and shocked lorr.. i was even wondering what did we do wrong.. well, wat he actually said was "that's vinegar"and not "illegal". well, and guess what, i was the only one in my family that heard the waiter wrongly. lolnow that i think of it it's rather funny also..

so we came back to our room and took a nap lorx. i watched abit of pool on ESPN before i slept and it really was rather cool. our father woke up by calling into our room..wanting to make our way to KLCC for dinner..who knows when we got onto the road, wah..traffic jam lyk siao.. jam everywhere.. in the end we also couldn't find our way around the roads.. the map also very old lar.. haiya.. and navigator (me) also very rusty liao.. haha.. so we forgot about going to KLCC and settled our dinner @ some steamboat restaurant along the road.. by the time reach back at the hotel already 10.30pm liao..hai..okay..that's about all for today..

going overseas le..

2006-11-30T18:18:00.000-08:00

well.. okay.. so im going to malaysia tmr liao le.. sighx.. although it is only for four days.. im really gonna miss the stuff back here.. ppl.. friends.. my bed! muahahas..
anyways.. my eyes are better now.. just that both are still slightly read.. maybe a couple of days later should completely recover lors..
thinking about how my past few days have been.. its lyk im lyk a pig lar.. sleep and sleep and sleep.. sighx.. what to do.. my eyes were liddat.. and all u felt lyk doing was sleep.. sighx.. pig sia.. me.. hahas...
still having alittle bit of emotional struggle now.. especially after sequence after sequence of events keep happening to me.. and honestly.. i really feel alone now.. u guys might think im not alone or smt.. but yea.. its as though im left alone.. dunno why..
i really don't know okay.. on the surface.. u might just think everything's okay wif me.. but actually inside.. many many things are going on within my heart..
I AM gonna continue to apologise.. to everyone out dere.. ESPECIALLY ppl whom are dearest to me.. well.. hope u know hu u r.. besides my family members o' course..
skye.. i really just wish tat u cld hate me.. after all those stuff.. those things that i did to u... i am so certain that i dun deserve ur current feelings towards me.. thats why now.. im wanting u to hate me.. but i still want the best for u..everything.. for u to be happy.. well.. when im away.. u gotta promise me u'll take good care of urself okay.. and yea.. dun forget the agreement that we have come to.. yup.
umm..xiaomei... yea.. i don't know how am i gonna say wat i wanna sae to u.. but its lyk..cannot be described.. sighx.. well.. i really really.. am at a loss of words.. up to now.. u probably still do not know.. that im already going overseas tmr.. but its okay.. can understand... im already no longer as impt as i was.. its okay ya? cos maybe im not supposed to be... when im away.. u gotta take care of urself also.. and... the rest.. i guess i just won't sae it here..
paper crane.. perhaps its only wishful thinking on my part.. that u are even reading this.. or that u would still talk to me again.. some time.. in the future.. i guess the main reason is becos i caused u to lose the love of ur life.. and yea.. much as i would like to take full responsibility.. u told me in ur blog post that u wanna thank me.. which makes me wonder.. why do u say that.. u know.. how much i wish u cld just tell me that u hate me.. and perhaps that wld help me alittle bit.. cos afterall.. i made u lose the love of ur life..and im really sorry...
no amount of description or words can fully express what im feeling now.. all the emotional struggles.. im just about to drown or smt.......... hai...

farewell ppl.. take care..

hai.. some eyes of mine..

2006-11-29T11:09:00.000-08:00

sighx.. haven't been posting for some time liao cos yea..unable to come online lors.. just 2 days ago i went to see the doctor.. doctor told me the swelling in my eyes is probably due to too much heaty food or lack of sleep...
sighx.. really feeling miserable lars.. now both my eyes abit red liao..but at least the swelling has reduced.. only one eye had the swelling lorx.. but yea..now its lyk reducing..but the redness spread to my right eye liao..
todae actually got PB camp wan..but yea..bcos of my eyes.. cannot go lors.. den fri going overseas liao..dunno how sia..how am i gonna enjoy my holiday.. aiya..anywae..its in KL only.. so yea..nth much..hahas..
hai..its lyk holidays are gonna be over soon or smt.. and dats lyk wth lar..
u know..sometimes its lyk during school days.. u r lyk looking forward to holidays.. but sometimes during the hols.. u r lyk looking forward to school days.. weird huh..sighx..
and yea.. i dunno why.. im lyk having so much trouble wif my emotions.. its lyk im so screwed up or smt.. somehow thought of how to refer to u liao le.. since im paper crane.. den u also my fellow paper crane lors.. well..hope everything's fine.. u haven't been posting lately have u? well..yea.. i guess i shldnt sae anything anymore.. im not supposed to..or even allowed to interfere wif ur life.
xiaomei... congratulations.. and good luck.. im sure u know wat im congratulating u abt.. yea..all the best.. =)
skye.. im really sorry..guess u must be feeling so much hurt inside.. but all i can do now is yea.. just to be beside u.. time and time again.. and just care to my best ability that i can care for u.. all i can wish for.. is for ur forgiveness..
well.. yea.. still recalled one day.. um..if im not wrong it was tues morning.. i woke up.. u know.. the very point at which u wake up.. u open ur eyes right.. i opened my eyes.. only my left eye could open.. den i was wondering wat happened to my swollen right eye.. did i go blind or smt? well.. it was the fluid that sorta lyk glued my eyelids together.. so i had to use my own fingers to in tt sense pry it open lors.. sick ritex.. sighx..
sometimes.. i just wish that i could be cut off frm this world.. in that sense.. not be part of this world..

yea..still awake..

2006-11-17T01:52:00.000-08:00

just thot wld let u guys noe.. i changed the photos liao le lors.. they are at the last link of my blog....yea.. the fifth wan on the right.. take care ppl..

its my life... no denying abt it...

2006-11-17T00:33:00.000-08:00

fancy myself coming online at such a weird hour.. didn't actually have the intention to come online.. but yea.. my phone is taken away.. by my father.. but what else can i do.. well.. my phone was taken away by my father becos i was spending too much time on the phone.. and yea.. im sorry.. skye.. i was merely trying to help.. someone out.. and yea.. my phone was taken away.. looks lyk im wronged or smt.. ha..isn't that wat always happens to me..
i can't help myself.. i just feel this way.. i hv nvr felt this way towards someone before.. and i really dunno why i am feeling this way towards u.. its okay.. no matter how much u hurt me.. and how much u'll hate or dislike me for what i did to u.. all i hope is that u live ur life to its fullest.. making full use of it.. and carry on to live on strongly.. thats probably the most basic thing i wish for u now.. and perhaps also to be happy.. and i mean truly and thoroughly happy for the rest of ur life.. yeah..
i guess my parents are just not going to understand this part abt me caring for u.. and i dunno if i shld even make them understand.. its just going to be difficult.. cos dey think that im poking my nose into other ppl's business.. im so involved and everything so much so that i neglect myself.. i really dunno how else to sae liao le lars..
well.. i guess u have done enough to prove to me that u completely want me to leave u alone.. yea? no other friends.... well.. okay... if thats the way u want things to be.. i can only think, reflect on why u want things to be this way.. i guess i'll try my best to understand u okae? as of now.. i guess.. yea..i'll just leave u alone.. i guess...
its hard to accept reality.. sometimes.. it just wants to pit itself against u.. but yet u know u will lose cos u can't control it.. it just comes at u.. right in ur face.. and yea.. we can only struggle to survive... cos its not within ur control.. lyk who but God can control it..
honestly.. whats fate... izzit smt that will never go away? smt that will always be present in our daily lives? why wld fate wanna bring 2 ppl together.. or even bring 2 ppl apart? or even cause situations between 2 ppl to be 1-sided.. or cause situations between 2 ppl to be bad.. worse.. worser.. its just playing a joke on me isn't it.. why.. WHY?!?!
why is my life liddat..
why does everyone have to treat me this way..
why is the world liddat..
why does God have to do this to me..
why do u have to ask me to leave u alone..
why do u not want to hate me..
why do i feel this way..
gosh.. its just me isn't it.. the screwed up part of me..

three letters.. starting wif W and ending wif Y

2006-11-13T21:52:00.000-08:00

how did u end up in the hospital...are u fine now? ur wrist? did it worsen or smt? and i why u nvr tell me.. or izzit no longer any point to tell me.. afterall.. u said u dun wan me to interfere in ur life anymore.. u even said please.. but u noe smt.. even by not talking to me.. i still do think abt u.. amazing isn't it.. i really dunno.. why..
i caused u to lose the love of ur life.. and u thank me? u sure u r not being sarcastic? honestly.. i want to take full responsibility of that.. u have already put it so bluntly that yea.. u r angry at me.. and everything.. and i fully understand why.. u shld be angry.. not thanking me..
what can be more dramatic or complicated that God cannot handle.. have u surrendered everything to him? not trying to be so religion-y here.. but we as God's children.. have the privilege of submitting all our troubles, fears and problems to him.. and for his LOVE for us.. we can be ensured that he'll take them all away.. i know.. after all.. u might just find it difficult and everything.. but its all yea..part and parcel of life..
okayy.. i have deleted that part abt him.. but i was just trying to get a point across? ya.. i know.. i might hav messed up ur life in some way wif my blog posts here and dere.. and i guess.. yea.. u probably shld be doing this to me.. its only wat i shld get in return...
leave u alone? stay out of your affairs? i really dunno wat to sae to that.. but if u cld even know how im feeling now.. yeah.. u r not the only wan feeling hurt.. seriously.. wif u being hurt.. others around u.. who are even closer to u than i am to u.. will be hurt as well...so i just hope u'll get out of all the depression soon.. sorry to have caused u so much trouble in ur life.. wreaked so much havoc to u.. and so.. u shldn't be appreciating me.....
looks lyk i hv caused nth but unhappiness.. trouble and pain to u.. im really sorry.......

colours of the R-A-I-N-B-O-W the of colours

--- untitled ---

2006-11-11T22:04:00.000-08:00

oh well.. skye.. i really dun wish for u to be unhappy.. not even in the least bit... but knowing that u r unhappy and everything.. it just hurts me as well.. and i really feel helpless... i somehow know the way u feel towards me okay.. but i really dunno wat to sae to u now... i just somehow hope that u'll be angry wif me.. unhappy at me.. cos yeah.. i acknowlege that its my fault..

sighx..woke up at 10.30am todae sia.. one of the latest times i woke up... sleep until soo shiok sia.. lol.. not exactly shiok lars.. cos wake up still feeling abit tired..

i really had no idea of wat title to put for this post.. hence.. resulting in untitled...

holding onto the moments..

2006-11-10T18:14:00.000-08:00

just woke up.. haha.. no lars.. took a nap lors.. came home from training at around three o clock in the afternoon.. feeling really tired.. cos the past few nights have been sleeping late.. and yea.. last night sleep at 1am somemore.. father woke me up at 6.30.. sighx.. ended up going to school so early.. but its okay.. better to be early.. =)
yay...my finger is healing liao le.. still a bit pain only.. yea.. forgot to tell u guys.. injured my finger a few days ago while playing basketball.. hai..always happens to me de lar..
can't wait for death note 2 to come out.. so wanna watch in lorx.. cos yea.. really enjoyed death note 1.. it has been a long time since i last watch such a cool movie lors.. yea.. and thankx to skye.. yup.. went to watch the show together.. although we were rushing and everything..yea.. we still made it in time..
it really is weird..for me.. cos i don't know who to refer u as.. im no longer allowed to refer u as who i have been referring to u all along.. dun worry okaes.. i can understand the way u r treating me right now.. just that i find it hard to accept.. thats all.. wif ur last msg u sent to me being on 4 days ago.. i still.. yea.. sighx.. oh well... dun even know if u r reading this or not... hahz... i guess i just am in no position to sae anything now.. yea.. even if u read my blog post title.. its good enough..
haha.. and suddenly after blogging abt the above.. i just suddenly run out of things to sae.. haiyo.. im so lousy.. *slaps* nvm.. guess thats just abt all lors.. *slap slap slaps*

just wat kinda reasoning is this..

2006-11-06T22:06:00.000-08:00

am i really that screwed up.. God is answering yes.. he's making as though everything is a trick.. for me.. afterall.. he's the mastermind isn't he.. he must be planning everything and everything... but why is he doing this to me.. playing tricks on me? as if its not bad enough.. he's making it worser.. im confused enough alright.. im sad enough.. im depressed enough.. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!! WHY..
i really dunno how else to talk to u.. xiaomei.. i doubt i am even supposed to be facing u at all.. after everything that has happened.. after everything that i have done.. i shld be just left alone shouldn't i.. afterall..someone is already leaving me.. so..yea..
better off alone? my mind is so disturbed.. wif matters with regards to me and other ppl.. izzit because i care too much? i care more than i shld be caring? am i just poking my nose into other ppl's life.. shld i care less... or not even care at all?
face it people.. this is reality.. after u have done smt wrong.. u face the music.. the punishment.. after many experiences of the same thing happening over and over again.. it can make ur perception of ppl around u to be false.. u just start believing in wat u believe in.. take for example.. guys are jerks.. but are u sure all of them are.. do u have to be such a sexist...... prejudiced against guys..
NB: not referring to anyone.. just an example..

yea.. u r probably right.. i thought too far ahead.. too fast.. too soon..

why>is>this>happening

2006-11-05T01:19:00.000-08:00

am i too naive? to think that everything would go according to what i said.. or what i hoped for.. i must have hurt someone so much.. to the extent that God wants me hurt as well.. maybe he's right.. i should be hurt as well.. for hurting someone else so much.. but i tell God.. i dun mind getting hurt.. injured.. both physically and emotionally.. as long as u relieve that someone from all the pain, troubles and sufferings that she is feeling... but why isn't God working through her? or even working through me? i hv tried so hard.. to make you understand that all that i have been doing.. all that i have been saying.. i tried so hard.. to the extent.. i feel.. that im falling back.. and falling back real hard too..
there are many things that u say.. that ends up meaning the opposite.. or ends up that u dun even mean it at all.. you said all those stuff to spite me.. why... u say that i dun care for u anymore.. u say that i hav long disregarded u as my stead.. you know.. that all of these are untrue.. but yet.. time and time again.. u r just purposefully making me feel hurt.. and why.. becos u hate me for doing what i did to u? u hate me so much that u want me to feel as much hurt as u? is that it? why.. why..
all i just ask for.. is that u understand me.. what i did.. and listen to what i told u about u and ur life.. and apply it into ur life... but u refused to.. u simply refused to.. and instead.. u tell me that.. u will never understand me.. and never want to understand me.. for what i did.. if thats the case.. wun i just be misunderstood for the rest of my life? yea.. u apologise to me.. and u thank me... and both of which u think u did sincerely.. but would it be sincere if after u did those stuff that u start spiting me again... when will u stop spiting me.. when....
afterall.. everything that i sae now.. wun have a single bit of impact on u would it.. u hate me.. u have so deeply rooted into ur mind that i have already stopped loving u and caring for u.. so wat is the point of me saying anything now.. when it all gets misunderstood in the end... tell me... what exactly do u want me to do.. tell me..
well.. xiaomei.. i m aware of the no. of times i made u unhappy as well.. and i just wanna say that im sorry.. after all that i did.. i just dun see how u are able to forgive me..
my life.. honestly.. why is my lyk this.. afterall.. is everyone else's life lyk mine... no.. they are so much happier.. and blessed.. oh well .but i just read from somewhere.. that i wanna share wif u guys.. and that is when God strips away anything that belongs to us, a close one, or even a natural resource.. its not because he doesn't want to care about you anymore.. but its more so that he wants to enrich our faith through the tough experiences we would be facing.. and i hope u guys will rmb that...

finally the holidays..

2006-10-26T22:54:00.001-07:00

sighx.. okay.. last day of school.. and so.. big deal.. tell u lors.. it was no fun for me lars.. the whole year.. sighx.. report cards got back.. yea.. but its lyk totally pooi.. sighx..
erms.. i really dunno wat else to talk about right now.. just lyk totally blanked out.. and everything.. here as im sitting down in front of my computer.. im really mentally tired alright.. i just want a break.. a serious break.. u guys hv any idea how long i was looking forward to this hols? ever since when i was looking forward to this hols? starting of august i already yearned for the holidays to come faster lars.. sighx..
oh ya.. and u know wat happened to me yesterday.. must have gone down into the Book of Guiness World Records or smt.. i was taking off my specs in front of my computer last night.. with one hand.. and usually i do it with one hand.. and den the small little piece of metal linking both sides of the lens together right.. just broke off lars.. and so.. my specs just split into two.. woah.. dats lyk wat.. super pro..
sighx.. i really dunno wats wrong with my life.. my life.. is lyk.. so screwed.. UP..

...whats life...

2006-10-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

well. has been quite some time since i posted.. the last time i posted was when i was sick..hai..
exams.. cannot be considered to have ended yet up bah.. but some ppl tell me they already consider it to hav ended liao le.. so yea.. *shrug*..
last paper.. geography.. mcq.. its lyk so crap lar.. purposely split it up into two days.. and so happened.. yea.. so happened.. dat ITS OVER THE WEEKEND.. whoa!! thankx lors.. spoil the weekend for me.. argh..
welll.. have been thinking alot about life lately.. as in.. generally.. and i really wonder... lyk why there even was such a thing as life.. lyk who asked to have life.. and why was life lyk tt.. i mean.. oh pls.. who is enjoying life right now.. maybe there are some lars.. but definitely not me..
well.. how many of u actually are able to relate to someone so fully and so totally that u feel as though u hv in tt sense poured out ur soul to tt person? very few i guess.. and its not lyk u hv the opportunity to do tt to everyone whom u know.. cos u might not trust tt person.. and everything.. yup..
and how much emotions have u put into spending time wif tt someone? i dare say i put in everything tt i cld.. to u... but i tried too hard.. way too hard.. that i didn't know i was hurting u.. and im really sorry.. for hurting u..
for the past 7 months.. of knowing each other.. yup.. i just hope that u do rmb 1 second of it.. at least 1.. other than that.. i think u shldn't be remembering anything else.. cos its not worth ur memory.. or lyk wat i hv always said.. ur memory space..
it just hurts so much inside lors.. but yet.. i dun want it to be known.. or even the reason to be known.. cos dere's no point.. no one will understand me.. or the way i feel..
funny isnt it.. exams are about to end yet im thinking this way.. ha. its just the screwed up part of me lars.. okay.. not anyone's fault.. so i guess.. all u ppl out dere.. shld just leave me alone..

gastric flu >> flu gastric >>

2006-09-30T14:45:00.000-07:00

whew.. long time since i last posted.. the feeling of posting lyk not even dere liao lor.. sighx..

well.. where shld i begin... well.. i begin frm where the most "memorable" thingy took place bah.. didn't go to school on friday... sighx.. missed both a E-maths test and a chemistry test.. perhaps some ppl might sae "u miss the tests good lorr" but den i wld wanna take the test lars.. yea.. sighx.. anywae.. friday morning.. woke up feeling totally sick.. as in yea.. my head was heavy and felt feverish and everything.. and when my parents talked to me i just had no mood to reply them or anything.. after much persuasion frm my parents and my grandma, decided not to go to school lor. so after eating 1 piece of bread and drinking a cup of water.. i went back to bed.. did not wake up again until 9.30am.. dis time i guess the fever subsided liao le.. anywae.. my father gave me money to go see the doctor opp. my house.. and so after brushing up and changing, i dragged myself to the doctor.. was still feeling a bit giddy here and dere lors.. and a bit lethargic also.. anywae.. got myself in the queue.. and den i waited for lyk 45 minutes or smt.. and finally it was my turn.. and wow.. i got gastric flu lor.. lyk wat.. the virus going around and stuff liddat and i was lyk fine fine fine... just wanted to get out of that place, go back home and lie down on my bed lar.. wait for the medicine also took 10 minutes liddat.. got my MC for dat day.. and i dragged myself back home..
got back home and i just plonked onto the bed.. dat was at around 11... and when i woke up again.. it was 12.15.. and my grandma was lyk pulling me outta my bed lar.. and i got so irritated.. had trouble swallowing the noodles tt she bought.. in the end never finish lor.. took my medicine also.. and i went back to sleep again.. dunno why but i just keep feeling lyk sleeping.. but the doctor said it was perfectly normal.. w0ke up at 2... and den went back to sleep again and woke up at four.. and since i didn't hv fever then decided to hv a quick bath.. and after bathing.. went back to sleep again.. ha.. total pig lar.. and woke up at 5.30.. talked to someone over the phone frm 6 to about 6.30.. and after tt jus didnt feel lyk doin anything else but going back to sleep.. and so... off to sleep again.. woke up at 7.30pm.. went for dinner and my grandma's house where i ate pathetic porridge.. i hate eating porridge lar.. sigh.. yea.. okay.. and on my way home.. xiaomei called.. and i nearly lost my temper on her.. nearly.. really sorry xiaomei.. but my head just suddenly felt heavy again.. and its not exactly headache lar.. but just a big uncomfortable feeling in my head.. and it was so uncomfortable dat i think it could force me to kill myself lar.. maybe i shld have.. anywae.. stopped talking quite soon and i went to lie down on my bed again.. this time i played music frm my phone and switched on a small light in my room to prevent myself from falling asleep.. massaged my own forehead wif the white flower oil.. (if u guys know wat tt is).. and yea..just layed down dere on my bed.. but who knows.. i actually fell asleep lar.. irritating.. woke up again at about 9.30.. feeling totally irritated at myself.. (imagined how many times i slept and woke up for the whole of friday!!) vomitted lars..quite alot somemore..must hv been the most i hv vomitted in my entire history.. yea.. it was totally disgusting.. anywae.. well.. erms.. called u at approx 10.. but ur phone was off and ur house phone went to answering machine.. sighx..nvm.. just a little disappointed tts all...
had trouble sleeping the whole of last night.. woke up and slept.. woke up and slept.. sighx.. felt totally horrible lars.. thinking of everything as i sat awake on my sofa.... and so.. i wasted my whole friday on sleeping and waking up and sleeping and waking up some 5 times or smt.. sigh..

well..today woke up.. at arnd 9.30.. ate bread again.. and took my medicine.. lazed around until 11.. decided to play abit of piano.. yea.. played until bout 1145.. lazed around until 12.15... and went to bathe.. went for lunch and came home at 1.45.. so here im blogging lors.. hais.. and oh ya.. i failed my grade 7 practical.. cld hv guessed it as well bah..
wat a horrible feeling it is to be sick.. sighx.. take care ppl! exams coming up.. and im totally unprepared.. wasting one whole day without a single second of studying..im lyk so pro la..

love. yea love..

2006-08-26T16:57:00.000-07:00

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

how many ppl on this earth actually experience this kinda love.. how many... ha... perhaps it doesn even exist between husbands and their wives... the only One who showers us with this love is Jesus Christ...

i really dunno about you alright... but lyk i have said to u for the dunno how many-th time.. personally... to me... deep down in my heart..... it really doesnt matter to me... who i am to u.... or who u might regard me as.... at the most... i wld just be sad.. tats all... if u do not regard me as wat i want u to regard me as..

the most important thing that i probably want u to know... is tt no matter wat happens... i will be there for u... whenever u might need me... hahs.. perhaps im being proud or smt.. saying that u will need me... hahah.. perhaps u don't...

the waiting... is no longer impt to me alright... dun wait for me if u have to... go on out there into the world... and look for someone who will satisfy ur criterias.. ur needs.. ur wants.. everything.. someone whom u will be always happy wif.. and everything.. just dun care about me anymore liao le lars.. ALRIGHT?

sometimes i wonder... why am i lyk tt... why am i lyk tt... and den... NO ANSWER>>...
i ask myself... if its all worth it.. worth everything tt i have done.. my answer... yes... but through how u talk to me or how u treat me... its as if telling me no.. honestly alright.. i really am mixed up right now... everything.. everything in my life.. of my life is screwing me up...

and if u have nothing to sae to me about anything... anything at all.. to me... over the phone.. sms... watsoever.. den just leave me alone.. ok..leave me alone..

i still care for u.. i really do.. but do you?
when i said leave me alone.. do u think i really want that?
<>

please.....

2006-08-21T18:49:00.000-07:00

whoa seh... left my geog textbook in the locker over the weekend... resulting in me not being able to revise and study for the CA todaee.. die liao lorr.. confirm liao le..
and den i had piano exam today!!! grade 7... gosh lars... thot i was still doing fine for the front part.. the scales and the songs... only a few mistakes here and dere... and den after that.. DISASTER!!! sight reading lyk siao liddat.. u know my left hand right... play bass clef de right.. i didn't know i was playing it one octave lower until halfway through the sight reading then i go change to one octave higher lar! i think i got zero marks liao le lar! can?! argh!!!!
den the aural also... everything just suddenly so foreign to me... and den i just had a loss for words when the examiner keep firing questions at me... sighx... die liao die liao..
wondering why i put my title as tt... sighx... welll ... i just have been thinking of the major events tt have been happening to me recently.. and wat happened at my house on thurs afternoon... i just really dunno... im so confused.. so mixed up... and wat else can i sae..................... f**ked up.. lyk wat u always sae...
i really dunno why things have turned out this way... sometimes it wld be this way and sometimes it wld be this way... i just dunno lars... i just get this feeling tt u dun hv any intention of being wif me anymore... i just dunno why okay... my feelings.. and everything... u probably wouldn't understand now... perhaps its better if u go find another guy on ur own? and jus leave me dere alone lors... get urself a better guy... a guy tt is of higher standards than me... a guy whom u wld be even happier wif.... u dun have to promise anything to me... bout waiting for me or anything... cos i dun wan to tie u down... i dun wan to tie u down anymore... go out dere into the world and find ur guy alright? the guy tts meant to be.......
as for me... i guess i'll just come to terms wif it... yeah... no need to worry about me.. i will do well.. and if u need any help or anything..yup.. jus give me a call or a sms... and i wld be happy to be of help..
meanwhile.. to my readers of my blog... thank u guys for wanting to know more about me? well.. sighx.. kk...take care ppl...
signing off...

2006-08-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

poooof.... finally a little bit of breathing space... no joke mann.. its lyk a number of big "projects" one after the other.. its tiring me out... first it was SYF... that was on the first of July.. and training had already started at the end of march.. and after that was our school's speech day.. on the 22nd of july... and training started immediately after SYF opening ceremony.. and after speech day... ROD preparations went full blast... whoa.. and ROD was just yesterday...
really gonna miss my seniors mann.. dey really are a memorable lot... a few outstanding characteristics about them that make me laugh whenever i think about them.. hahas..
well.. got the post Head of Promotions.. not my ideal post.. but nvm.. i think im more or less fine with it.. yups.. very happy after yesterday.. a huge boulder released in my mind after yesterday night... a huge sigh of relief.. reached home at 10.30 last night..after having dinner from around 9.30 to ten.. yea.. had it at bedok int hawker wif chowy and kkm..
yupps.. and now coming up is my piano exam.. on the 21st of August.. whoa... hiong already arhs!!! if not fail le..

my life..

2006-07-29T00:55:00.000-07:00

my life cannot be compared to others in any other way.. its so screwed up.. its so messed up... and everything in my life is getting on my nerves... seriously.. why is my life like that? not that i want it to be but izzit becos its already lyk tt or wat..
have been busy wif speech day the prev week.. and so today or rather now.. is my first time i touching my own com in the last 2 weeks.. and im so happy.. yea..
well.. we the sec 3s are gonna take over the unit soon.. and so we are getting busy again cos of preparations and training.. sighx.. dey already let us noe abt this ROD thingy at the start of the year.. and until now.. we still havent gotten much done.. sighx..
den nxt is my piano exam.. totally think im gonna screw it... its lyk i haven been practising much.. wif SYF... and den Speech Day.. and now ROD... wat the **** lar.. honestly.. im pissed off at the time im having wif my life right now..
dere comes certain problems dat cld perhaps never be solved... friendship problems? yea.. and u noe wat..
friendship problems... yes.. i acknowledge its my fault.. everything's my fault.. it all started wif me being a bastard right.. yes i know that.. dun have to point tt out anymore.. but dun tell me after so long u hv still not forgiven me or put the past behind u? besides.. its not u who's the wan i let down.. but ur xiaomei.. and she has already forgiven me already.. why izzit so hard for us to start talking to me again? u know.. im very sad to see that whenever we walk past each other.. we just pretend that the other doesnt exist or we just totally ignore that person's presence.. honestly.. what will it take for u to start talking to me again? do u still remember the times where we sat beside each other.. we had so much fun comparing test marks.. and 1 subject which u were definitely lookingd forward to was chemistry.. i cld nvr win u in chem.. and we played chess too rmb? u were one of the few more challenging opponents that i met lars.. and den it has resulted in this...... i didn't want for it to happen either.. but yes.. i know.. its my fault.. will you forgive me?
wat can possibly be the meaning of love? do any of u dare say that u fully understand the meaning of love? well... i all along thot tt it was just wat i was thinking about and nth else.. but at this period of time it just suddenly starts to tell me that i have been terribly wrong... it involves the other person too... and its not smt that can take place the way you want it to be but it has to be agreed on 2 people... nver in my entire life have i encountered such a situation before... im feeling so mixed up now.. confused... troubled.. rotten.. miserable.. and i can't just seem to get myself past all these stuff... and some actually do think that i have forgotten all about it? never have i expected any relationship to result in this way.. whereby im so confused and mixed up about how i am thinking and how the other party is thinking..
do u think i ever wanted to end this? but honestly.. i cannot understand why u think that way abt relationships.. u say.. that relationships are temporary.. but then again.. u just said jus now that u didn't know wat u were saying.. perhaps i cld try to understand a little of wat u were trying to get across.. that no relationship wld last forever right.. and if we were to get back together again.. and some time in the near future break up again.. wouldnt it be more difficult for us to get back together again? u understand wat i mean ritex?
u ask me.. why do i love u so much... nobody has asked me tt question before.. and its not smt that can be xplained that easily.. dats the whole idea about love isnt it.. its unexplainable..
honestly.. deep down in my heart... i think be it steads or kor-xiaomei... it doesn really matter that much.. but wat matters alot is the amount of care and concern we show for each other.. these are just "titles"... wats impt is the amount of happiness we are able to give each other.. the sorrow that we share together.. that makes a relationship.. ANY KIND of relationship closer.. and stronger..
i always hope to be there for u.. and i think that to be there for u as whichever person doesn matter ya.. its just the bond and the things tt we do tt makes us close.. be it friends or steads or kor-xiaomei.. let God decide alright? God will decide our future.. and he knows wat is best for us..
i envy the way some ppl live their lives.. its lyk they are so comfortable and everythingy.. some are born wif a silver spoon in their mouth.. while others are reduced to the bones in other countries.. why can't the world be fair? why?
haha...perhaps tt something that all of us dunno how to answer, cannot answer or not supposed to answer...
meanwhile.. i have gotten the likes of carom into the blood that flow through my veins..playing lyk siao the past few days.. and seriously.. i think it has become a part of my life.. although it might be a very small part.. but its impt..for me.. yupps..
to all my readers out there.. i hope u guys wun follow me and have a screwed up life lyk mine alright.. dun follow in my footsteps okay... yups.. signing off...

no one understands how i feel...

2006-07-08T18:43:00.000-07:00

had my o level mother tongue oral on thurs.. although the topic was relatively easy compared to previous days.. i just somehow screwed it up.. well.. i just started talking the unimportant part of the topic and wanted to proceed on to the main part of the topic lars.. den the examiner just interrupted me and said "very good.. but we are referring to the relationship between the employer and the maid, not the benefits or bad points about hiring a maid".. in chinese of course.. but.. sighx.. wat to do.. minus marks lors.. sighx..
friday had 2.4km run.. the actual thingy.. best part is run in school lors.. i so love dat.. cos i most of the time run in school de.. dun lyk to go all the way to the lagoon at east coast park to do.. somemore when u run on the lagoon right.. u can see the long long round around the lagoon dat u still hv to run lors.. so demoralising.. sch better.. for me lars.. dunno about others..
anyway.. it is proven that it's indeed better for me.. cos i improved by 1 min just by running in sch! lyk wa sia lar.. dunno wat happened to me on friday also..maybe i just decided to whack all the way.. and cool mann.. nvr in my entire life had i dreamt of getting 10 mins plus.. it really seemed impossible for me to me.. but i achieved it! yea mann.. 10.37.. am proud of myself.. hahas.. =P
though u guys might think my life's normal.. i somehow dunno why my life is like that.. ppl say that your life is controlled by u.. ur life is the way it is the way u want it to be.. yups.. i find thats true.. but i just somehow cannot control my life? its just the way it is.. commitments.. friends.. school.. who wouldn't wan to hv more friends right.. but of course not to an extend whereby u r more interested in making friends than ur school work..
well.. i am aware that i broke ur trust in me.. but honestly speaking.. is it just gonna affect our friendship like this? hais.. i know.. its still becos i broke my promise right.. was tat an important test for me that i failed? or is it just becos u wanted to get back at ur kor? we shld never have any intention of taking revenge.. anyone of us.. in this world.. if there was revenge in this world.. when will there be world peace? well.. my point is.. i hv nvr wanted to hurt ur feelings this much kaes.. im sorry..
one thing i can be happy about is that i hv begun a new friendship wif someone.. u noe hu u r bah.. well... all this months that we didnt talk.. it indeed was abit hard to adjust to at first.. i just simply had to get use to not talking to u... as time passed... my feelings just slowly died away.. slowly and quietly.. sighx.. but well.. but now.. im thankful that we can be friends again.. =)
as for U.. yups u.. it is really God's will that we have met.. its God's plan bah.. thats what i choose to believe.. and thats what i believe... i really appreciate u for being here in my life.. for making that difference in my life.. got smt to tell u.. and that is.. i notice a change for the better in you.. and im very happy for u.. so keep up the good work alright? and make sure u stay close in your walk of life with God alright? jiayou!! =) however there are still some things to improve on.. i dunno.. perhaps its ur mood when i talk to u? or is it mine? i seldom vent my frustrations on u do i? i really am sorry if i m the cause of ur frustrations.. but u must let me know ur frustrations too right... sometimes u just do things ur way without thinking of how i might feel.... is this the way it shld be? i honestly tell u alright.. sometimes i just dun lyk the way u do things.. i hv always tried and let it be ur way... but wat do i get in return? not that i m expecting anything frm u.. i dun get anything in return.. im doing this not for myself but for you alright? if u can't show any appreciation.. how do u think i will feel.. i always say.. im unhappy nvm.. u happy can liao le.. right?
perhaps u think i can still treat u much better.. u say.. im busy.. yes.. i m.. but do u think of how i might feel on my side? im coping both ways.. trying to balance my commitments and stuff.. aware of how much pressure i face? aware of how i feel? do u care? i hv tried my best.. to give u my best.. and if u r still not happy............. i hv failed my duty.... and im just not the guy that u r looking for okay..
to everyone out there.. take care!! and make the best out of ur life..

my life's in a mess

2006-07-01T23:51:00.000-07:00

well.. have been really busy lately.. SYF opening ceremony was today in the afternoon.. everything went on smoothly.. at least our CI said we did a commendable job.. and im sure our contingent is thankful for that..
in the middle of the parade.. wif the atmosphere and the songs that the choir were singing.. i just suddenly felt lyk i was going to break down in tears.. i seriously dunno why.. am i that emo? den all of a sudden my right eye started twitching so much.. it was so uncomfortable lars.. but after a while it stopped.. den i recalled.. either 1 of my eyes twitching wld mean smt major is gonna happen.. and it has been proven true countless of times.. so i chose to think that indeed smt was gonna happen to me.. after a few occasions and analysis on them, i concluded tat if my left eye twitched.. it wld mean tat something bad is gonna happen.. and if it was my right eye.. it meant tt smt gd was gonna happen.. jus tat i wldnt be able to know wat it is.. until i it really happens or when i find it out later..
after the long standing and waiting.. it was finally our turn to march out of the parade ground.. everyone of us were so relieved that it was all over.. and some were even screaming lors.. ha..when we got back our bags.. i switched on my phone. and i received 2 smses.. both are from my xiaomei-s. apparently both of them were angry at me.. or unhappy wif me.. and it was jus after SYF.. my mood was getting high.. but upon reading the sms frm u.. my heart jus sank.. my mood was utterly crushed.. just wat did i do? tat u suddenly hav this intention.. i thot we were fine all along.. and now u just wanna split.. hv u thot of how i might feel? all the while i tried to make things ur way.. and all the while.. i hv controlled my feelings.. my emotions.. are u even aware of it?
the main purpose of a relationship is for both parties to be able to keep each other happy in one other's company.. and if tt is not happening for u.. den wat is the point in carrying on? it will result in huge unhappiness .. and im sure tats not wat everyone wants in their life..
im just in a huge mess.. im feeling so rotten.. so mixed.. so frustrated.. it's just so screwed up lars.. my life.. everything about it.. sometimes i just wish that i cld drop dead..
<>

why is all this happening to me?

2006-06-24T00:48:00.001-07:00

pooof.. one long day out of home todae.. sighx.. in the morning wake up kinda early.. hais.. actually considered late liao le.. reached sch at approx 8.30 and we started work on the anthem stairs again...
well.. while painting over a new coat of paint.. we obviously didn't do a superb job.. we are not professional painters.. wat do u xpect?!
and so.. we spilled some paint here and dere.. practically on every step all the way frm the first floor all the way to the fifth floor.. each step had some paint spilt on it lars.. and we had to use about 7 or 8 litres of thinner and turpentine to remove it.. the easier colour to remove was black lars.. pink and yellow arh..wahh.. mus lyk spend five minutes of 1 spot den can come out de..
and seriously.. its not fun to do that at all... never had i done smt so crappy as that lars.. perhaps even washing the toilet is easier than that..
and so we worked on the stairs all the way till 12.. whereby we went out of sch to bedok central to have our lunch.. actually me and xuanyi walked out first..den we noticed a few others walking out also.. so we had lunch together..
had lunch at mac's.. discussed about world cup lors.. hahas.. i had fillet o fish student meal lors..
and after that.. xuanyi walked wif me to bedok mrt station.. he topped up his card.. yup.. thankx xuanyi.. even though if it was for such a short journey..
after which i took train (all by myself!) from bedok to boon lay.. sighx.. it was lyk super sian.. had to stand for the whole journey somemore.. but luckily when i met up wif my junior that time and when we took bus to home team academy we managed to get a seat on the bus lors.. thank God mann..if not my legs wouldn't have survived..
and SYF training began.. the training was okay..but slightly tougher than the rest... sighx.. but they dismissed us at 7.30 lars... so freaking irritating.. den by the time we got to boon lay interchange was already 8 liao lors.. and i reached home at 9 plus.. finished dinner at around ten liddat lors.. yup.. and i have decided to come online.. such a busy day today mann! poof...
heys.. im really sorry.. i really didnt mean for this kinda thing to happen.. but sometimes its just beyond my control..... im really sorry..
some times.. things cannot be in ur control.. its lyk u have to do according to the result and according to plan.. mann.. i really dunno why my life is lyk this.. sighx.. will someone bring me out of the darkness? guide me out of the tunnel? please?

time passes so fast..

2006-06-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

well.. its so fast.. two weeks into the holiday liao le.. pooof.. and my schedule is so packed lar! not lyk i wanted it to be.. but it is.. sighx.. wat 2 do..
tmr going overseas liao le.. going to Batu Pahat in M'sia for church camp.. coming back on the 16th.. mann..its so long lors.. and i hv 2bring my work dere to do.. if not confirm wun have any chances to do much liao le..
sighx.. im gonna miss the people back in s'pore!! my bed.. my room.. sighx.. its lyk there's 1 point in time whereby u start to feel sian of ur house.. and now u actually missing it cos u r going overseas.. weird isn't it.. the way ppl think.. or at least the way I think.. lol
well..i hv made my mind up liao le.. gonna aim to study psychology when i grow up.. i find it so cool man.. it jus rawks.. haha.. to learn the way human beings think.. but for now.. have to study hard.. get good grades.. sigh.. me... i failed 2 subjects! haha.. *patpat*
meanwhile.. all those here in singapore.. take good care of urselves ya.. especially YOU.. yupps.. u know hu u r... hahas.. =P
when we strive to be perfect.. we would actually gain spiritual maturity.. and thats whats most important.. to walk closely with God........

wat a time i m having.. my life

2006-05-28T18:18:00.000-07:00

well.. finally had some time to post after one whole week of business and all those stuff.. head prefect elections are over.. and wow.. am i impressed by the results.. haha.. no surprise.. i didn't come in as top 3 at all.. i expected it also lors.. knowing my popularity with my school.. won't win me any of the top 3 places.. oh well..wat to do.. i'll leave it as God's will bah.. perhaps he wants me to concentrate more on my studies.. yup.. perhaps i can do more for NP.. yea..hope to do more for NP.. *nod nods*
holidays have started.. loads of homework piled up.. schedule rather messy for the hols.. sighx.. wat to do.. my life is screwed up..
results also not sae veri good de lors.. failed two subjects! believe it or not..its the first time in MY history that i flopped 2 subjects.. sighx.. im going down mann.. i am.. its time to get myself together and strive for the better..
well.. i must say that it was God's will to allow us to meet... out of the thousands of youths u cld met.. u met me.. and i really thank God for that.. =) im sorry for those times that i made u unhappy or angry.. but believe me.. i have my reasons for wanting things my way? yea.. and i wld want the best for u too.. so sometimes i sae the luo suo stuff.. its becos i care okay? yups.. i know u have been irritated by me and angry at me lately.. i really dun wish to have any conflicts wif u either.. but i hope dat u will understand.. and i myself.. will try to understand u too okaes? =) and as i have said.. u mus voice out any unhappiness u have wif me at any point in time okay? only dat way wld i be able to prevent myself from hurting u too often.. kaes? I stick closely to religious context wif u when i talk about life is becos really.. God's our refuge and strength.. we can always turn to him whenever we have troubles and problems.. and he wld help us.. He would..
time to get my act together during the june holidays.. its a well deserved break for many of us.. right? haha..yep.. but do bear in mind that june hols wld be over in a twinkling of an eye.. so make good use of it before term 3 starts alright? May God bless you all.. =)

a new life..

2006-05-21T17:25:00.000-07:00

mann.. after exams are even busier lors.. somehow still wish that exams still carried on lors.. but that wld be bad wun it.. somemore stress... sighx..
guess wat lors.. i failed 2 subjects!!! for the first time in my entire life.. i failed 2 subjects.. and besides.. 1 subject the failing is not sae just failed or anything lors.. its kinda far away frm the passing mark.. sighx.. i really dunno wat happened to myself.. my as well go jump down liao le..
busy with CCA and PB stuff.. head prefect elections coming in 2 days time!!! and we are supposed to give our speech tmr.. pooff.. seriously dunno if i can survive lors.. still have to plan for the farewell of the sec4s.. busy busy busy..
still have some more subjects that gonna get back on monday.. both my maths and languages.. if those never do well enough for my own expectations is lyk can go jump down liao le lorx.. seriously.. i m so disgusted at myself.. thrown all face away liao le.. =(
really looking forward for the june holidays.. haven't been sleeping much the past few weeks lar.. and i can feel so tired inside.. take nap also very difficult to get up after dat.. its lyk the feeling of wanting to sleep forever mann.. sighx... i do need a break.. a good good break.. SIGHX..
later going out for mother's day dinner.. yup..late right.. but its becos we were waiting for 1 of my family members to come back frm overseas so dat we cld go have it together.. gonna eat good food mann.. yay! hahas.. =P
okay.... finally wat ppl have been trying to sae to me made some sense to me.. i hv decided.. that even if it wasn't much of my fault.. or rather it was partially my fault.. i will still have to put the past behind and focus on a new beginning..becos no one is gonna stop and turn back to help u forward.. every1 is progressing on at a fast rate.. and i musn't lose out to them.... i have been in a slumber long enough.. its time to wake up from it.. yup..
from now on.. im gonna look at my life MORE POSITIVELY! i hope.. haha.. at least i try larhs right.. i will take the june holidays as a period of hibernation and reflection of my life the past few years.. and frm term 3 onwards... FULL STEAM AHEAD!!! wait..m i going crazy or smt.. hope not..im serious about this.. yup..
to u.. erms.. u know who u are.. i dun wish to think about wat happened for the past 9 months.. perhaps it was mostly my fault but yet i insisted so strongly that u had more fault.. im really sorrie.. just tell me if u want this friendship to carry on kae.. rmb u said its up to me? sorrie.. i really can't accept tat.. and even so if u dun wish for us to be friends anymore.. its fine with me.. cos i will respect ur decision.. ur decision will ultimately be the wan that u will be happy wif.. wish u all the best in ur future.. i'll still be here for u as ur fren.. and if u need my help in anyway can jus approach me lors kae..

a huge relief.. but no sense of satisfaction.. i wonder why.

2006-05-11T22:14:00.000-07:00

phew... exams are over.. a huge load of my mind.. but more things coming up.. Head prefect elections.. taking over of CCAs.. sighx..its just too mind-consuming..
my papers... sighx.. dun feel lyk posting about it.. much less think about it.. sighx..
my maths still hv some confidence in it lors.. e maths lesser though.. funny isn't it.. a maths supposed to be tougher but i found e maths easier.. my languages... english was okkae.. just that chinese.. i thot i was doing it at a relatively good pace until i found out that i was somewhat quite behind time.. i cheong and cheong lyk siao lors.. i hope my answers did make sense.. sighx.. for geog.. hais.. non-stop writing for lyk 45 minutes? and den my hist was lyk confirm die wan lors.. i am fully aware i didn't make any sense in my answers.. lyk..im so dead.. hahahahha....
well.. there's some things in this world that i really cannot understand.. either im too dumb to understand or God just allows it to happen for a certain reason.. but i just dunno why! hais...
if u did wanna dao me.... and dao me for long... why did u start talking to me again?? i seriously dun understand why.. besides, u said u hv nth to lose.. just ignore me forever and nth wld happen to u right? not lyk u care about wat wld happen to me right? its not that i dun wanna care lar.. not that i wan u to ignore me forever.. but its lyk why? u sae certain stuff.. but i was told different stuff.. so who wld tell me the real truth? who can i really trust?
trust is lyk one of the most amazing thing in this world.. but at the same time it can just be broken in a matter of a decision... and once trust is lost.. its not lyk u can find it back again easily.
i know.. this matter has affected a number of ppl around me... but its not lyk i really wanted for it to happen.. i know.. im the cause of it all.. and when i sae i didn't really want it to happen.. seems lyk a cock and bull story.. sighx.. but i really didn't xpect things to turn out this way.. its just lyk a chain effect... mann.... i feel so rotten inside lars.. who wld understand how i feel right now? sighx...
sometimes life is really not as bad as some ppl think it is.. compared to ppl in other worse situations than ours.. suffering from famine or drought.. its really bad lors.. we are already considered so much better off than them.. just wanna end todae’s post wif 1 verse from the bible.. hope u guys get some inspiration from it..
<> I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

physically and mentally exhausted

2006-04-21T23:14:00.000-07:00

well..
it hasnt been a good time for me...
coming home at ten o'clock on 1 weekday and nine thirty on the other...
and wif so much stuff on my mind.. HPE, NP stuff, emotional setbacks, friendships, tuitions,
there's really no one else whom i can talk to.. but perhaps God..
well.. i do hv some friends whom i can talk to.. but i guess none of them wld fully understand the troubles and stuff im going through right now..
is life really that bad?
it doesn seem as bad 2 me when i see other ppl living their lives so happily & looking so carefree.
what.. is God purposely making life miserable for me so that i'll be tougher in the future?
certain setbacks just affect me lyk for the rest of my or smt..
was i silly to have commit so much into a relationship.. and den get myself hurt..........
was it worth it?
questions are just being left unanswered.. but does she give a care? not lyk it seems so to me..
neither do i want to have certain biased thoughts against her..
but i cant help but think that way becos she is forcing me to think that way..
she spites me by saying certain stuff..
hopefully getting me to hate her..
but it wun work.. not at least fer me...
im just very hurt.. very hurt..
dun anyone of u out there pity me.. i dun need ur pity....
perhaps if u wan.. try to cheer me up?
but let me warn u.. its not easy.. it will never be easy....

freakingly pissed..

2006-04-14T22:42:00.000-07:00

sighx.. haven been blogging for quite some time again.. busy marhs.. really busy wif alot of stuff over these few days.. the national cross crountry championships was being held on wednesday this week.. and i got to skip lessons for the whole of that day as i went with the other red shirts to hang banners to support our school.. the banners were so heavy lar! and had to carry them up five storeys somemore.. arms all aching like siao after that.. hanging also took quite some time..and effort too.. sighx.. den we all had chicken rice for lunch.. and afterwhich me and my NCO left early cos we had to go to another place for SYF and NPDP training respectively..
took a bus all the way from turf city to boon lay MRT..afterwhich we changed bus to 172 and arrived at Home Team Academy at 1445.. after changing and stuff.. it was time to start training and we went to our different training grounds.. wahh..after training i just felt so exhausted.. thought i cld just collapse any moment lorr.. however.. on the bus on the way home.. at the same time listening to music.. just felt rejuvenated by a bit.. and when we had dinner together.. it wasn that bad..
by the time came home.. just felt lyk collapsing onto my bed.. took a bath.. and felt much better.. stayed awake a while longer.. before going to sleep..
den the nxt day.. after school had collection of our new uniform and ROD training.. it was quite fun taking the sec2s.. especially when i have had the experience of taking them for the sec 1 orientation drill squad.. so naturally a bit closer to them liao le lors..
have been feeling really distressed lately.. both physically and mentally exhausted.. and when i get reminded of certain stuff.. i just can't help but break down and cry.. i must be the dumbest guy on earth or smt.. sighx..
<<>>

nothing has ever been good..

2006-03-31T23:19:00.001-08:00

well.. it has been a bad period for me.. and its going to be a bad period too.. i guess this will be one of the most challenging durations in sec3 life.. where we will be given leadership roles in our CCAs.. and im lyk stuck in between two serious choices.. and i hv yet to arrive at a conclusion.. and at this point in time, my mind is just filled with so much stuff that i think its just gonna explode ler.. i think my computer has reached its limit le lors.. as in im so frustrated and worried over so much stuff.. sometimes u just wonder what other way can u end all ur worries and frustrations in life.... and the solution just flows into mind..
well, SYF training has started todae.. it was rather tiring.. especially being the first training we had, we werent clear of wat was gonna happen to us or wat it was gonna be lyk.. however, it turned out rather well.. just that the weather spoilt our plans.. we couldn't train out in Unity Square.. we had to go to the drill shed behind.. but it did make do...
stress from prefects are settling in too.. head prefect elections are coming up and the seniors are not at all pleased wif the way that our duties were being carried out.. resulting in some of us getting our prefect badges taken away.. it really was hurting to have our badges taken away.. even some of us couldn't hold back our emotions and we cried lors.. yea...
in fact im feeling pressured from all the various sides.. i just dunno how am i gonna cope.. its stressing.. it definitely is.. however i dun feel that some of my friends are feeling that way.. izzit just me or its the environment that i m in?
i just cannot help but feel lyk ending my life.. however dere are ppl around me who are comforting and spurring me on.. i appreciate their efforts.. however, not many can actually understand the situation that im in and can seriously help me..
well, im feeling so mixed and rotten inside.. how i wish someone cld brainwash me so that i cld forget everything.. everything in this world..............