Friday, April 25, 2008
well.. i think im too tired to post too long a post.. altho i had a realli clear mind to post a long one tonight.. but i just think i wun be able to tahan.. dunno why.. actually slept quite alot last night de lor.. dunno how come so early tired again.. sigh..
anyway.. was blog-hopping ever since dunno when.. and dats what made me start blogging so late.. sigh.. thinking about stuff and stuff and stuff.. it just never seems to end..
today was a rather slack day in school.. ended at 1pm.. but guitar was until almost 6.30.. which is lyk err.. gotten used to it ler i guess.. and the gp test todae.. was lyk totally speechless.. definitely standard's higher.. and u just dunno wat to do but crap as sensibly as u can at the AQ..
to us.. weekends are lyk the only times we get to take our mind of work.. FOR A WHILE.. and den teachers begin to reduce this FOR A WHILE to a VERY LITTLE WHILE.. and soon i believe there wun even be a while.. it just seems as tho dey are throwing assignment after tutorial after homework after task to do and to do and to do.. it's lyk an endless stream of work.. pressure.. stress?
for the past week.. sleeping at weird weird times.. sleeping at past 12 midnight on all of the occasions except one.. and dat is the night where i slept at 11.. and the day before that.. came home after dinner.. .slept from 9 to 3.. and 3 just started chionging and chionging lyk no one's business.. i think it's seriously getting maddening.. even km who falls sick so so seldom actually fell sick..
are we going to be flattened lyk pancakes or are we just gonna suffocate to death? it's jus a matter of time lar.. den dere's project work to think about.. physics CA nxt mon.. EVERY chapter.. right from PAE to Work Energy and Power.. dat amounts to about 7 chapters in total.. all for a CA1..
ever wondered why ppl pon sch? pon usually refers to just getting an mc and dey are not even medically unwell.. and den dey dun come to school.. becos of lack of sleep.. becos of workload.. and stuff lyk that.. and lemme just sae.. students nowadays are beginning to think that not going to sch is nth worth talking abt.. in fact if u dun pon sch.. u guai kia or smt.. cos teachers emphasise so much on having an mc if u are absent.. they just begin to think that all dey need to do is get an mc.. and jus queue up at the polyclinic.. u get one for $4.. but is that right?
why can't couples who break up go back to normal terms wif one another.. okay.. even if that were a generalisation.. i believe most couples can't go back to being friends after breaking up.. and just lyk that.. u lose someone so close.. so dear to u.. so thinking abt it.. in the end.. u would be losing a fren wouldn't u? and if u had the chance to turn back time.. would u still choose to go into a relationship and risk the chances of it not working out and having lost a fren?
u know how mankind can contradict themselves.. saying things that they don't mean.. but they say it out of anger.. dey say it for fun etc.. but are we all aware that every little thing that we do or say.. can affect one's judgement of us? and depending on the severity of it all.. it might just leave a lasting impression on u.. good or bad of cos depends on wat u did or said.. thats why it's very impt that u don't judge a person based on one particular experience.. BUT..the harsh reality is that what everyone wld..
what kinda person u want to be.. is entirely up to u.. but ultimately.. the way u behave.. the way u talk.. the clothes u wear.. and etc etc.. all lead to someone making a judgement of u.. dats how judgemental the world is.. and definitely.. all of the above wld also indirectly show what kinda frens u wish to have.. what kinda ppl u wld want to hang and mix arnd wif.. altho dere are genuine exceptions..
ever thought of how deceptive the world is now? it takes advantage of any truthful individual and stabs them in the back.. is being too trusting a crime? and den ppl will start saying that u are naive and stuff lyk that.. sigh
okay.. it's realli getting late now.. and i realli gonna k.o liao ler.. hai.. altho i wld want to post much much more......
(11:37 PM)
Saturday, April 19, 2008
sigh.. oh lol.. wat a way to begin a post.. simply by sighing..
the entire week is lyk crap.. sleeping past midnight every night.. i think except for 1 night.. having to douse yourself wif a dosage of caffeine.. having to drag yourself to school.. it's just becoming more and more meaningless.. especially when u go through lectures and tutorials when your mind is half conscious.. while the other half is lyk drifting away.. literally.. stress has been piling up.. and never-ending work is being "thrown" at u.. u can't afford to slip up.. or u'll just lag behind..
can't believe im actually feeling the stress already.. it's only april.. at J1.. i realli wonder whats gonna happen to me.. sigh..
anyway.. sidetrack abit.. so sad lar! came home today and found that the first nylon string of my guitar snapped.. lyk i didnt even know when it happened.. hai..
although last night was one of the longest nights i had ever slept.. especially if u were to compare wif the nights of the past week.. i wouldnt exactly say that it was a good sleep.. thats becos i dreamt.. i wld sae it's smt nt that i dun want to dream abt.. but rather smt that i wld rather not dream abt.. cos it'll lead me to think about alot and alot of stuff.. and it has been some time.. till last night i was reminded of it again..
what if u had lost someone very close to u.. i guess it wld almost exactly be the same as u lost ur hp.. u're whole self will nt feel at ease.. u'll feel weird.. u'll feel that something's missing! and actually a big part of u is missing..
u may think.. does the other person know how i feel? and for all u noe.. the other person is also thinking the same way.. "do u know how he/she feels?"
i guess it's true.. when there's no proper closure.. when there's jus a sudden and abrupt ending to the friendship/relationship.. it'll just lead u into depression.. becos even if things were to end.. you yourself know.. that u wouldn't want it to end that way.. but the harsh truth is that things hav to end in a way that neither parties can b happy wif.. precisely becos the 2 parties hav differences in the way they want to regard each other frm now on..
ever thought why it's hard for a couple to regard each other as friends after breaking up? not to even mention talk to each other?
how about friends.. the moment u lose them.. it's gone.. nvr to be in sight again.. never will be the same again..
WHY..
are relationships and friendships that fragile?
whats the point in putting in so much effort into maintaining a relationship.. or a friendship wif someone.. when u might just lose it some day.. when ppl might just treat u differently after a period of time..
Whats the POINT?
dunno wat has gotten into me.. perhaps it's just the great empty feeling that's towering over me once again..
(10:58 PM)
Saturday, April 12, 2008
well.. i will hav difficulties describing how the past week has been..
friday after guitar.. went to meet 1S02! or rather only a few of 1S02.. but it was still great.. altho serangoon gardens and chomp^2 again.. it was still nice as ever.. ambience..mood.. yep.. and it was specially dedicated to remember denise's bdae! bought a small cake for her too.. and presents were given.. yep.. so..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DENISE!!
(: 08/04
really hope u like the presents.. and the card made by Marcus emeline and xy.. all in all.. just realli hope u enjoyed the small small celebration.. although it wasn't much.. yep.. and although it was 3 days late..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
BENNETT!! =D 11/04
so so sorry that i didn't wish u on the actual day.. but i hope i make it up by going to ur choir's concert.. hahas.. oh well..
for 2 nights the past week.. came home having a terrible headache.. and i realli wonder why.. so i got irritated wif myself.. and i just went to sleep.. and one of these nights were the night before my chem CA.. got so worried lars.. but i still went to sleep at 9.. set my alarm at 4 to wake up study.. den at 4.. alarm rang.. i shut it off.. went back to sleep.. den at 4.45.. i suddenly woke up again and realised i haven studied.. so forced myself out of the bed.. and studied until 6.. realli felt so unprepared.. when i went into LT.. and after the test.. realli was feeling distraught and shaken.. but oh well.. i can only say huo gai to myself.. a few hours later.. ms teo marked finished our chem tests.. and we got back our results.. i failed.. i'm lyk oh okay.. can't say much.. but yar.. accept it.. but.. just read ms teo's email to us.. and she said i passed.. which i honestly dunno how it happened.. but then again.. it's nt a result that anyone is supposed to be happy with..
and as for today.. had piano lesson frm 11-12.. after which got drenched in the rain on my way to j8 to meet longkuan.. had lunch.. and im seriously gonna think carefully abt what i order nxt time.. esp. frm somewhere lyk subway.. hais.. went back to church and prepared for sign lang class.. played piano after class.. and it was totally cool! lyk totally going into an emo world.. den went to hang arnd his house for awhile before making my way home..
well.. also dunno why.. i have been deep in thought quite alot.. abt stuff.. that isn't realli within in my control anymore.. but things abt wat "absence makes the heart fonder" and blah blah.. hai.. i guess it's nt absence that applies.. it's emptiness.. that's waiting to be filled..
read from a psychology book that xingyun borrowed.. and showed me.. and i read up on a part on love.. a renowned psychologist said that there are 3 aspects in love.. INTIMACY.. PASSION and COMMITMENT..
-intimacy is the emotional component that brings closeness and warmth to a relationship
-passion is the motivational component that underlies physical attraction and evokes emotions
-commitment is the decision-making arm of love
it's so so true.. how much do we all understand abt love.. esp. when it comes to loving those around us.. nt even to mention loving a member of the opposite sex.. it all fits.. being intimate.. passionate and committed.. in loving..
sometimes all someone need is just someone to be realli close to them.. to show dem how much dey care.. to show how much he/she is being loved.. how impt he/she can be to someone.. i believe we were all made for companionship.. we can't be living in this world for ourselves alone.. we live for each other and for everyone else..
why do things always have to end up in a certain way... why...
(11:21 PM)